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loving the non-raw, non-vegan

pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

i haven’t heard this slant on the raw life yet, so i thought i’d invite people to share their experience…

my parents are SAD. it seems that they have totally given up on taking care of themselves. they’ve decided to become old. while they don’t eat typical junk food, they do eat meat, poulty, cheese, drink coffee… etc. (to their credit, they do eat a lot of fruit and veg, but only in comparison with the average SAD person).

anyway, the hardest thing about being raw for me in not the food temptations (don’t have any), or the fact that people ask me all sorts of silly questions, but the fact that i feel i have found this amazing pathway to health and happiness and that i will in time be healthier than all the people i love. it makes me sad because they aren’t coming along with me… in a sort of “the life everlasting” way.

do you feel this way? how do you deal with it? obviously it isn’t healthy to feel silent grief every time they make a meal… and maybe in time they will start to connect the dots as i did…?

Comments

  • lstorzlstorz Raw Superstar

    i think the most important thing to remember is that each person on this planet has his or her own unique journey that they have to figure out for themselves. just because you have found a path that is amazing for you does not mean that everyone else is ready for that path or that the path is even right for them at all…. at this time or in this lifetime…. whatever your beliefs.

    it’s really, really hard to witness someone you love engaging in self-destructive behavior. for you, eating a SAD diet is self-destructive - for your parents, they may not see it like that. if you fight them on it or pity them for it, i think it will get in the way of your ability to just love them as they are. there’s some forgiveness inherent in that, and, yes, grief. but there’s also separation - you have made your own choices, your parents have made their own choices. you can serve as an example to them, and maybe as time goes on, they will want to make some changes after seeing the effect of diet on you. i know that some of my friends have voiced desires to eat “healthier” or to “eat more nuts” after spending a lot of time with me.

    i think that, more than their decisions in life, i respect their (SAD eating friends, family, etc) life journey. even when i want to say sometimes, “you know, if you didn’t smoke or you didn’t eat mucus-producing foods, etc, etc”... i have to remind myself that we are all novices in this journey of life. i fully believe that we live to learn and to grow, and we have to respect other people’s processes of growth even when they are so different away from our own experiences and our own knowledge gained.

  • I feel like everyone has to find what works for them. Eating raw makes me happy and makes me feel good, but it is a lifestyle choice in addition to being a health choice and although right for me takes a lot of time, energy, focus (for me at least). My family eats very well even if they do eat cooked foods. They have never eaten a “Standard American Diet.” In fact, when I was little I have no recollection of McDonald’s or candy or sugar celerals, but I do remember veggies, spirulania, and endless bowls of brown rice… lol.We grew up on healthfood, with vegans and vegitarians and so on. I cannot imagine my mother never baking her world famous pies for Thanksgiving or my grandfather never making congo peas and rice. I would not want them to give up the things they find pleasurable because that is their lifestyle choice and mine is my own.

    I think a lot of staying young is also with being happy and having a young attitude and not just related to what you eat. Eating well is eating well and since my family eats well, I am not concerned that they aren’t raw. I will, of course, encourage more raw enjoyment and alternatives. This will be my first Thanksgiving raw (always a big deal in my family) and I am planning on making a sweet potato pie or cinnamon rolls (haven’t decided which), raw mushroom gravy, raw cranberry sauce, and raw dressing/stuffing.

    I think that the best we can do for those that we love is to share little things that we can that make us feel good and hope that they will pick up some of our good habits.

  • pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

    thanks istorz- i appreciate your wisdom. it’s SO hard to see people you love engage in self-destructive behavior. it’s not the raw food necessarily either.

    you are right, i am still learning. but i hope that the decisions i make make me a healthier person, while it seems so many people around me have just settled into the idea that degeneration is normal, often humorous. it’s not THE FOOD so much.

    it’s so important to love people for who they are though, not who they could be. (self-pep talk there)

    WOW!

  • Great writing and sentiments here. There are wonderful teachers in the Buddhist community. One I love is Pema Chodron. She writes that no matter how perfect our diet is, or how perfect our exersize programs are, and no matter how perfect we make our minds and bodies, no matter how perfect our friends, our families, our jobs, our homes, all of our connections in life, and no matter how wonderful we are or think we are, or what great things we accomplish in life, eventually we will grow old, we will get sick, and we will die. This is not morbid, and it’s not bad news. It just is. Your parents have decided to “grow old.” This decision is painful, and it’s something sooner or later all of us must encounter whether we like it or not. We do the best we can in this life, then we let it go. Raw food will not save us. In this way, like so many other ways, we’re briefly connected.

  • pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

    shane- you (and pema) are really keying in on something here i think. raw food does not make the body immortal and it’s important i don’t fool myself that i don’t need to deal with death. i guess since my parents had me later in their life, it’s all about acceptance of change.

    ~thanks for the therapy =)

  • I’m not a fan of the “everyone dies” argument. Everyone dies, but not everyone REALLY LIVES.

    It’s not about length of life, but quality. I too am weary of everyone around me who is still SAD, especially people who scoff at rudimentary things such as my refusal to use a microwave. It’s a challenge to withhold a superior attitude watching people wolf down McDonald’s and guzzle soda…and complain when they feel horrible. Even harder to be helpful to them, but it’s almost impossible not to try, as I’m sure is everyone’s experience.

    But I’ve only been off SAD for under a year, so I’m still naive and all that. C’est la vie.

  • pianissima, it sounds like you’re what i like to call a ‘helper’. you can’t fully enjoy what you’re doing for yourself because you want everyone you care about to benefit from it. i know because i’m the same way.

    it’s hard to deal with…but you just have to. lead by example and those who want your good fortune will come to you for help. the trouble is, most people are addicted to food and wouldn’t even THINK about giving it up to ‘starve to death’ on the raw diet, even if they had cancer or whatever and knew raw living would save them! the more you push, the more people will develop hatreds toward this way of life. it takes a certain type of person with a certain desire.

    i had your same luck with the cravings; mine were really non-existent for the most part, plus i LOVE raw food. and i’ve had people try to go raw and then quit and have a big mac 2 days later because they couldn’t take it. then they try to hide it from me because they think i’ll judge them. which makes me feel like a supremacist ass!

    you just have to do it for yourself and offer any assistance you can, only when it’s asked for. i would bend over backwards for someone who wanted to transition…they could call me any time of the day or night. but usually i don’t even tell people i’m raw unless the situation calls for it. that’s all i can do.

    long story short: people are usually jealous of what you’re doing and you can do more harm than good by trying to coerce them. they can quickly turn to anger. boy, that was a giant lesson for me! what you’re doing on here is great, though…connecting with others is vital and it helps you to feel more ‘together’...it sounds like you kind of feel alone in your ways…your life really changes when you decide to go raw, doesn’t it? lol

  • kandacekandace Raw Newbie

    Thank you, each of you, for your insight here. I just came back from a large family gathering and was having many of the same feelings as pianissima so eloquently described.

  • pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

    agreed. it’s really nice to have you guys bounce off all the psychological stuff that comes along with being raw.

    jamestheraw—i love it. “the helper.” yep. product of being the eldest child perhaps? =)

  • ooh, probably! that would explain why you feel you have to take care of them. i’m the middle child, but i get it because i might as well be the eldest…my brother and sister are BOTH lunatics. in the end, if there’s going to be any caretaking of anyone, it will probably be done by me; i belong to a family of monkeys.

    luckily for me, though, i have the luxury of an open-minded mom who does raw right along with me…but i feel like if she “falls off” the raw wagon, it’s somehow my fault. even though it’s TOTALLY not MY fault she ate 3 sheets of chocolate chip cookies, a pan of brownies, and a half-gallon of h

  • pianissima: I don’t have any children yet, but in the future if I have a daughter as talented and considerate as you I would be completely satisfied with life. Knowing that your child is happy and healthy is more important to your well-being than a salad. I don’t know if there are any parents out there who can weigh in on this.

    Also, Istorz is right. If someone told me a year ago that I would completely give up cheese and coffee, I would have been politely amused. Everyone learns at their own pace.

  • As the eldest child myself, I too am often in the “helper” role in my family. My parents (and my sister too) are all SAD eaters with very bad habits (smoking, drinking, etc.). The worst part is that my mom is really sick. She has fibromyalgia, depression, just to name a few and is on so much medication. I have been trying to educate my parents on the benefits of raw foods. They just stayed with me for the last week and the whole time they were here I was making raw foods for them. Green smoothies every morning, salads, a lot of recipes, etc. I think I opened their eyes a little bit, but it was still frustrating when I would find them eating SAD foods that they went and bought themselves (and hid in my fridge so I wouldn’t see!!) Knowing that they will probably return to their old eating habits frustrates me, especially because I know that my mom’s health would improve if she incorporated more raw fruits and veggies and removed toxic foods from her diet.

    I guess it is a slow process. I think they may continue to make green smoothies for themselves now that they are home. And maybe they will choose to eat fresh, raw veggies with dinner now rather than a boiled bag of frozen veggies. Every little bit helps.

    ...sigh….

  • stylistchickstylistchick Raw Newbie

    i know exactly what you mean, my boyfriend is a carnivore, and he complains just about everyday about how he feels. i have compassion for him, but he’s not willing to clean up his diet. the best i can get him to do is eat more fruit, and maybe add spinach into his cooked meals. he has little to no interest in what i’m eating, he might taste it, but he’s not making a plate of it for himself. i really just want him to feel better. also talking to clients who suffer from arthritis, i try to tell them about going gluten free, that it might help their comfort level, but they are unwilling to try. i try my very best not to seem preachy. from the beginning i have been very open and vocal about my food choices, i figure if i can influence a couple people to eat better, its worth it. i’ve had several clients embark on healthier lifestyles because they were inspired by me and my progress. they may not take it to the extreme of going raw, but just by eating 75% raw they have lost weight and feel better.

  • pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

    jamestheraw- wow. i feel like my parents are health nuts after that story about your mom. that is a heavy load. you are very courageous! i had to make a decision that just because i am capable of being the family moderator that i wouldn’t fall into that position every time it came up. sometimes you just have to walk away. and maybe your guilt for your mom makes her feel guilty… guilt needs to be taken out of kitchen in my opinion. ;)

    lionmouse- i am so touched. yes, love is more nutritious than salad. =) i am fortunate to be fueled by both. i hope your studies are going swimmingly!

    renoir- it sounds like you are introducing them to a whole new way of life. that’s awesome. i think where i go wrong (and it’s SO hard not to) is to SHOW people how i do it. it’s always better if they are curious first and then i explain.

    stylistchick- i hear you about the bf. it’s stunning to me that people cannot put one and one together for themselves. but i think some people like to discover things on their own… do you know the gardendiet family? i read that jinjee only sort of noticed that storm didn’t eat “normally” at first. later she asked and slowly took it to heart. also, in the forward of “raw” by klein & trotter. klein writes that she and her husband were on vacation in thailand with woody harrelson. one night (after a whole series of dinners where he turned down curry for papaya salad) they asked why. klein and her husband went and researched it, changed their diet, and then klein opened up a super famous raw restaurant in san francisco.

    patience. patience…

  • stylistchick-are you a hairdresser? i am, and occasionally i have clients who ask how i stay so thin or whatever, and we get into convo about it, and they sometimes decide to add more raw to their diet. i think it’s great. i did it all at once, but it was really hard! i think it’s better- mentally and emotionally- to do it slowly anyway. but, i offer support no matter how people choose to eat.

    lionmouse is right…and i think that MAKING people happy is far more important than concerning yourself with what they eat. i never let my mom know that i’m disappointed in myself because she cheated. i just remain positive and lend an ear.

  • pianissimapianissima Raw Newbie

    (lionmouse is right

  • ha ha ha! let’s give her a prize, then…;-) that’s my thought for the next while…

  • Wow this thread has made me really happy and like I want to hug all of you…. :O!

    I think all healthy people, raw foodist or not, have to deal with this. SAD is too prevalent not to have at least one person you love addicted to it. :( Unfortunately for most of us, its more people than not. I definitely consider myself LUCKY to have my cousin (best friend ever) in it right alongside me and to have a boyfriend who is trying, everyday, to be the healthiest he can be. We all stumble, have trouble, etc., but we’re always pulling for each other – and thats what makes this site so great. We’re all here to help each other out. :)

    And thats my feel-goodness for the day…. lol.

  • Some excellent thoughts from all of you. Food is very emotional. Change slowly and then our bodies, minds, and emotions can adjust as well too. I love eating raw, I got rid of tons of health problems, and this makes me feel good. But I can easily eat with others who have cooked food and enjoy the fellowship. What I eat does influence others and shows others what raw food looks and taste like. Most cooked people love my raw food, and will begin to make slow changes. Most people on cooked food still view vegetarian food as tofu and bean sprouts concept. When they see it, they are amazed and can then see how to do some of it themselves. Others, do not want to change at all and do not want to discipline their food choices. But our greatest need in life is love and forgiveness.

  • WOW! You are all such shining spirits! Well said! Its all about acceptance and personal choice. We can only lead by example and if people are “ready” they will begin to change! Many blessings to us all!

  • I am so glad this thread was brought up to the present. I didn’t see it in November and there are so many thoughtful comments offered. The support and encouragement here means a lot to me. My path is full of learning how to love unconditionally, opening myself to all kinds of people at all stages of life, especially as they are dying (for whatever reason). It is an honor to be with someone at the end of life. And it makes the quality of my life so much more real.

  • kminty3kminty3 Raw Newbie

    Some of the changes people make can suprise you in a wonderful way. At first my husband teased me about raw, called it another one of my “fads”. Then he decided to try it for three weeks. Now he’s decided that while he may not want to go raw (yet) he wants to be a vegetarian, and almost vegan (he’s decided to eat fish every once in a while). I am so suprised and proud by this highly unexpected change. My hubbie was a big meat eater, daily, for almost every meal. And to have him decide to be almost vegan after a six month period is amazing!

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