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VENTING!

Sorry everyone, but I need to do this. Feel free to pitch in! Last night I went a good ol’ social event that involves beer, food, and all the above. I don’t like to bring up the way I eat (it’s not a diet, it’s a way of life) because people can’t understand it. HELLO, I’M EATING FRESH UNCOOKED FOOD PEOPLE!

My girlfriend loves to state the fact how she can’t have it because she’s a vegan. Then everyone starts asking her questions, don’t you miss milk, don’t you blah blah blah? Which is fine, because I believe she enjoys that. BUT THEN, she always brings up, well Jason’s a raw vegan. Then they get started on that, because even she thinks that I’m not being healthy. And that is mainly because I wasn’t watching my caloric intake and lost a lot of weight. I’ve never felt better though. So why does all of that matter?

What really gets to me, is how people tell me I need to start eating this, and start eating that. I’m not being healthy; keep in mind they are all telling me this with a beer in one hand, and hot dogs in the other! Some of those people will eat so much and drink so much, that they will not even eat the next day, just so it doesn’t effect them! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And i’m the unhealthy one? I’m getting all my nutrition and energy from, fresh, raw foods! And they are hammering down processed meats smeared in high fructose and artificial flavoring!

COME ON PEOPLE! I DON’T TELL YOU HOW TO EAT, SO DON’T TELL ME!!!

Thanks :) I feel better now.. This makes me feel like I’m having a live discussion with people who understand, I appreciate this everyone!

Comments

  • OH MAN….I know how you feel. People ask me all the freakin time…why this, why that. It gets on my nerves.

  • bittbitt Raw Newbie

    I know, you have to really educate yourself so you are not caught off guard. I didn’t have all my anti-soy info lined up in my head and just resorted to “I feel better off it”. But it is better to know what is actually wrong with cooked food. Hopefully your awesome attitude and glowing face will show them that what you are doing is awesome!

  • omshantiomshanti Raw Newbie

    TOL you will love this one, my brother in law while flipping steaks on the barbeque says, his belly hanging over his pants, “i dont know how you get any thing out of those vegitables, i mean there cant be enough nutrition in there for you to live on” blah blah, then my favorite” why arent you a stick eating like that?” so on one hand im not nourishing myself and on the other hand im “not a stick” hmmmmmmmmm, ah the masses, so liberated, so enlightened, so….pathetic!;0)

  • I thought giving up certain foods was going to be the hardest part of being raw but it isn’t. The social aspects are much harder. Someone comments on the way I eat every day (in one form or another). How odd – I don’t feel the need to comment on their choices every day.

    Just as a side note: I read a lot and listen to lots of podcasts. Recently, I have had 2 different sources that have spoken about how important it is to have a social network that has the same morals and beliefs that you do. Everyone needs to feel accepted for being just who they are. I think I am missing that outside of this forum.

    Note to self: Go forth into the world and find raw friends

    Peace, Karuna

  • hannahmariehannahmarie Raw Newbie

    omshanti—i get the saaame thing. always.

  • beanybeeganbeanybeegan Raw Newbie

    Turn the cards around. Start asking the same they ask you. Start picking and analyzing their food, and like Karuna implies, GET NEW FRIENDS. When talking with my family I try to explain how hard it is for those who eat raw. I am looked at as tho I came from Mars. Yes, a little hard to get a new family but not with friends!!

  • hannahmariehannahmarie Raw Newbie

    beany- for sure! if i get annoyed with someones questions i just say: i’ve researched my diet. have you? almost no one can say they have…

  • iknikn

    I agree with you Karuna, the hardest part being raw is isolation. My family is very suportive and they eat much healthier since I started raw. But all the social engagements are really tough. If it’s a bufet, I am fine, nobody notices that I don’t eat anything, but at a sit-down dinner ….. not easy. I have to attend a lot of business lunches and dinners and those are the toughest ones. I usually just have a salad and that’s all. I never say anything about my eating life style to my clients.

  • I LOVE that you opened up this topic again. I also LOVE that I have you beautiful hearts to share this with. My experience has been a little bit different but, related. I am only a few weeks into my raw experience and I’m not quite 100% yet. I live with a guy (roommate) who I’ve known for 20+ years, off and on (after dating for 6 months). He has shown ABSOLUTELY no interest in how I am eating EXCEPT that EVERY time he opens the refrigerator he sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes because I have it full of fresh vegetables, or he makes sarcastic comments when I use the blender or food processor because it’s so loud. But, THAT is the EXTENT of his “interest” in how I am eating.

    So, now that I’ve been mostly raw for a little while, I feel like my emotions are actually more raw lately. I’ve understood for several years that he is narcissistic to the core and there have been times when his behavior really effected my affect and self-esteem but, I thought I was past that… until lately. I seem to have no tolerance for his negative behavior now. I have actually been responding almost every time he says anything, snapping at him every time he makes one of his stupid, mean or insensitive comments. It’s like my nerves are exposed and I’m less able to tolerate his disregard for me and my choices.

    Have any of you gone through this emotional change? TOL? Beany? And by the way, Beany, I LOVE your suggestion of turning people’s questions back on them! That is really perfect! Of course, you want to be genuine when questioning so you don’t come across as bitchy or sarcastic but, I have used that very strategy with other situations and it really is effective.

    Also, I think when people question, even when they sound ignorant or judgmental, it’s usually a really great teaching opportunity. If they are sincere in their questions, they may be receptive to the information you have for them. But, I assume that is not what you guy and gals are experiencing. I expect to experience the social difficulties in full force starting next week when I start back at the middle school. EEEEK!

    Thanks so much for letting me share. Sorry to write such a novel. Please feel free to provide any words of wisdom or encouragement regarding dealing with narcissistic folk, also!

  • omshantiomshanti Raw Newbie

    slcogliano, poor dear, your intolerance will pass and a shiney new, thick, raw skin will grow! i went through this as my hubbys support seemed to fall off after 6 months of raw. now a full year later we have a system. your roomie is pushing your buttons, most likey left over from your prior/remaining? relationship… i take the humor train when my hubby gets out of sorts about the “diet” as he calls it ( initially very suportive but has slipped into the tease mode especially when there is an audience) so my stradegy is to tease back, for instance: last week i “hid” sprigs of cilantro and other herbs in some of “his” food mostly laying it over the top of his wrapped items…he found parsley on his pillow and toothbrush, i made a bouquet tied with a riboon in his gym bag with a little note saying i love you…ect ect its a game now! and when he bring up my food in front of others its to tell them where he found my little offerings… so the focus and tone are different…..now its about how funny it is to find herbs in his gymbag…not how wierd it is that his wife eats raw foods…keep it light hearted. this to shall pass…

  • rosehebrewrosehebrew Raw Newbie

    Sense I have been raw for 7 months I have went through some emotional changes but also have been able to really observe some behaviors in others in a different way. I have been able to see how some people are just giving me a one-sided relationship while others are actually really supportive and respect me for who I am, not just about what I can give to them to make them feel better. It has been both interesting and a sad experience for me. If a person is threatened by what you eat and even goes so far to give you a lot of negative pressure about it, I would see a big red flag in that, even if it is subtle. I have been so effected by a person in my life who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder that I can not even express the grief that is has caused in my life. I did not know about this problem as I had never heard of it but after going raw it was revealed to me (that in itself is a long story so I won’t go into it). I guess I needed to strength to face it but it is going to be a daily battle for me that frankly I am not looking forward to.

  • What I find interesting since going Raw 3 months ago, is that most people are very interested in hearing what that actually means and then 95% of those people then turn around, without knowing what they are talking about, and basically bash the lifestyle. In the beginning I didn’t mind talking about it and if asked, was happy to share the information. But now, I dread anyone asking. My husband, who is so sweet and supportive, always feels that he somehow has to justify my lifestyle choice if we are out with friends or at a social event where my food choices are limited. In the beginning, I chose this lifestyle to do a 30 day detox for health reasons (as it seemed I was allergic to everything and over the years my body was just so abused by poor choices and a period of infertility treatments). But after the 30 days, I just couldn’t even imagine going back to my old way of living. Sometimes, I get the feeling that my husband is just waiting for me to go back to my old ways, since he feels that it is more socially acceptable (We are very much foodies and are wine collectors – my new way of living has put somewhat of a slight cramp in this). He always thinks he needs to justify my choices to others by telling them I made this choice for health reasons and that I have lost so much weight since going Raw (30lbs) and so forth. I don’t really feel that I need to justify myself to others. I believe that this is the healthiest way to live – period. It is just so hard continuously have to justify yourself to others who do not understand! That said, out of all that I seem to have to continuously explain myself to, if I can change any of their lives for the positive, as mine has changed, then I guess it is worth it in the end. Always just remember to believe in yourself and your choices!

  • Amen, sister! And, thanks omshanti! :) Unfortunately, for me (in my situation) I guess it really is less about ‘support’ and more about the issues of living with a narcissistic personality. rosehebrew ~ I am SOOO sorry for you! It sounds like you are going through the same issues and I know how hard it is! Contact me anytime!

    I’m not ‘involved’ with my roommate so there are some very significant differences between our relationship and that of a couple. But, we do have a history, be it brief and 20 years ago but, it was hugely significant in my life and had almost as much of an impact on my beliefs about my value and worth as my narcissistic mother’s behavior and attitude toward me so, living in this situation sometimes makes me feel like a vulnerable 8 year old all over again.

    However, rosehebrew~ one of the BEST pieces of advice/guidance I can give you about living with a narcissist is, 1) do NOT bother with getting emotional with them if they offend you, as this serves only to feed their sense of power and, 2) be very firm in drawing (and expressing) the boundaries around the behavior you will and will not tolerate. I did a LOT of research about this personality disorder and absorbed everything I read and that was by far the most beneficial guidance!!! It really does work.

    GreenBean (and TOL)~ I’m sure I will go through this very soon, with the new school year staring! I have been lucky to begin this venture into raw during the summer months while somewhat isolated from daily temptations and social engagements. However, I’m about to begin the school year at two new schools and will be trying to make a good impression and become better acquainted with staff so, I’ll be right in the THICK of it!!! Blaaahh! :)

    So, once again, THANKS TOL for bring this up! I’m sorry to have digressed a bit but it was really helpful to get some feedback. Keep it coming. :P

  • I have only heard objections about the way I eat from people who are obese. One I found ultra irritating. I told my mother about her. Rumor has it that she recently has undergone a gastric by pass. So hopefully she won’t be bothering everyone else anymore for what actually is her own problem.

    But alas I don’t have a boyfriend; and I think a young meat eater probably wouldn’t be that happy with me. And I do believe a meat eater my age (40s) would be supportive because the benefits are undeniable.

    I’d encourage anyone to eat more raw fruits and vegetables and look at “Gersons” youtube videos to learn how raw foods can help them.

  • SuasoriaSuasoria Raw Newbie

    A while ago I heard an interview with V. Boutenko who said (I paraphrase) “I don’t talk about my diet unless someone is really, really, DYING to know.”

    I’m a little different than a lot of people here because I’ve been vegan for more than a decade, and it’s just been over the last few years that I’ve become more raw. However, as a vegan, I’m no stranger to this impolite social inquiry about what I eat and why. What I like about this “dying to know” approach is that it releases me from casual conversations that so often are unproductive and superficial. I can just say “I’d rather not get into it, unless you’re facing some sort of health crisis and are asking for my advice.”

    Since I communicate for a living, I’ve struggled with the “right” way to talk to people about healthy options. A lot of people I respect say it always has to come from an authentic personal place – not an accusatory or offensive place. They say it’s hard for someone to argue with you when you tell them you eat the way you do because you love animals or care about the environment or are working on being as healthy as possible.

    But everyone around us is a mirror, and we’re a mirror to everyone else. Generally, people ae insecure and become very defensive at any opportunity. Diet is an especially good opportunity for defensiveness because it’s such a personal topic. Whenever I say “I’m a vegan because I love animals,” people take it to mean, “I love animals more than YOU.” So I’m not sure about keeping it personal as people advise.

    Slcogliano, I think I know the “raw feeling” thing you’re talking about. I feel my husband went through this for a while when he went 100% raw (and I didn’t). It was stressful, no doubt. It’s of course different for us since we’re married, but the fact that you acknowledge that you’re on edge right now is probably a big advantage. It’s freeing, in some way, especially since you can get to the point where you don’t need to “play nice” and tolerate his negativity. I wish my husband had been as self-aware as you…we just fought. A lot.

  • BeTheChangeBeTheChange Raw Newbie

    we’re in it together, folk! :)

  • lzhptlzhpt Raw Newbie

    Hey TOL- I’m with you on ALL of your vent. I’ve said before-it’s a little like the alcoholic who is sober for awhile and tries to go out with his old drinking buddies. Yes. They are your friends, but after awhile you begin to realize you are no longer like-minded. It’s VERY hard to let go of some of our friends that hold us back. I went to my first raw potluck yesterday. there were 30 people! I had an amazing gourmet meal prepared by all and most importantly everyone is there to hang with like-minded people. After last week’s sniffing on my part, I couldn’t have been more thankful for all of you that encouraged me to go. I had the BEST WEEKEND EVER! It began with fresh figs at the Farmer’s Market, followed by a 6 mile run without pain on the Greenway (lots of energy, people and little animals), the potluck and a nice visit with a very young and very special person living with stage 4 cancer.

  • Hey everyone! I’m sad to see so many posts up here! But I am so glad to see that we can all connect on such a strong level and are out there to support everyone on these forums. It is great!

    Iz: I’m glad to here you had such a great time! Those moments are what life is really about. I hope you feel that way on a daily basis for the rest of your long, beautiful life!

    Suas: That is how I feel. I don’t like to talk about it unless someone is really really interested for positive reasons. I always seem to get so defensive with people when i discuss the way I eat because I feel like they are talking down on me. I’m realizing the more deeper shade of raw I become, the more positive and less offended I am. So that is totally helping me on my issues with being defensive.

    Everyone: I recently lost my job. Actually about a half hour ago I left my old place of work (Brewery). It was for the best! They new I was leaving soon so they hired someone else. As soon as they hired them they took me off my salary (100% health benefits and kind of decent pay) to hourly at $9/hr! I wasn’t having that so I gave them my 2 weeks(this was friday). I went back to work today, hoping to work something out. They weren’t budging so I told them if they were going to treat me this way, they could find someone else to train the new guy. And now I’m at home, on the computer.

    Luckily, I have a job lined up. It’s going to be paying me twice as much, and I will be working just as hard. So it’s worth it. It’s just a bummer situations have to turn up the way the do. Love to everyone J

  • BTW- my boss said I wasn’t working as hard as I used to. And he blamed it on the diet. I laughed at him, and told him I have never had so much energy in my life. I just wasn’t working as hard because they weren’t showing me the respect that I deserved. So I felt that I was only going to work as hard as they were paying me (in respect, and money). Everyone feels the same way there, so I know it’s not just me. The best part is, I hurt my back at the job and I was given flak for leaving early to see the chiropractor. Ha!

    I am sad though that I left on a negative note, but it is what it is!

  • iknikn

    TreeOfLife: sorry about your job! But look at it this way: everything happens for a reason. We might don’t see it yet, but everyting will work out fine. You have a job lined up, which is great! I know, it is not pleasant when you have to go through this. You don’t want to burn any bridges, but sometimes we don’t have a choice. Don’t take it to heart what your boss said about your performance and diet. You know the truth, so it doesn’t matter what he thinks. enjoy your few days off before you start working. catch up on projects that you postponed, do something fun!

  • angie207angie207 Raw Newbie

    I’ve realized that, yes, people are insecure. They need our love and support as much as we need theirs. I agree with not going into specifics unless someone is dying to know, and focus on some way you can support, lift & encourage someone else. It takes the focus off people’s differences, diffuses tension, and lets people know you’re not intending to isolate yourself or condemn their lifestyle. Although I am tempted by the “I’ve researched my diet; have you researched yours?” idea. ;)

  • It’s good to get away from places with negative energy.

    I try now to only talk about what I eat if people specifically want to know. At my 25 year hs reunion, one of the people said that I must be doing yoga or pilates or something. Yes I did yoga for 2 years until my instructor ran off with her man friend. Most of my changes I attribute to my high percentage raw diet.

  • I actually learned a lot from people’s diet inquiries and comments and it helped me to be able to stand up for myself and my principles. I was very shy as a kid and went vegetarian when I was 14, but grew out to be a talkative and confident person. I’m not hiding it from people and depending on the company and mood I’m in I can be open for discussion. A friend went completely raw after me and at potlucks, omni friends are always looking for my desserts, hehehe, so there’s lots of support. But I’m not putting my lifestyle into anyone’s face and I always always respect people’s choices. My colleagues are fantastic, I’m usually bringing my raw lunch or eat a salad at the canteen with them and they love trying my food. They’re looking forward to my raw chocolate bonbons which is a new little project of mine. I try to keep positive. And true that, I never met an omni person who actually researched his or her diet, so turning the table on them works. If someone is rude, I’m rude too and usually ask them about their illnesses or comment on the deposit of fat=toxic material on their body.

  • Lol Springfairy, I usually do the same thing (when people are rude I’m rude back), but I recently realized that doesn’t help matters at all. It’s not there fault for repeating what people have told them, or doing what the government says is right. It’s what most of us were all brought up on. I’m trying to live and spread a new life of peace and love. When people are showed aggression they react back the same way (which is why we tend to get snappy when people give us flak).

    Reading all of these posts are starting to have a positive affect in my life. I wrote a little form trying to vent and everyone else had something to say. I hope that one day we all won’t have to do this, for the sake of our health and sanity. I would just like to thank everyone for truly being some of the greatest people I’ve been able to converse with. You have helped shed a new light upon my world. I hope only to do the same to you!

    Live, Love Peace

  • steviostevio Raw Newbie

    I started drinking green smoothies, and my family all want in on the action, and my friends are generally supportive and many become interested, and my co-workers varied their responses between thinking is sounds like a good way to get some veggies, to wanting to try it themselves.

    Then I go vegan, and I tell my co-workers and family and friends it is because the fruits and veggies make me feel so great, and when I go back to the meat and bread I feel awful again, and I am planning on following this through as a dietary experiment where I will let what my body tells me dictate my choices in my quest for health.

    All so far think that it is a healthy choice, though many think it is not for them. I of course tell them that they should follow the path that is right for them. No one seems to be pushing their beliefs on me, and I am being careful not to do the same.

    I feel very lucky that I am getting the responses that I am, but I am also at that age where a lifetime of bad diet turns into all of the horrible diseases (39), and so generally my peers are feeling the need to become healthier as well.

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