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Non-Raw Boyfriend

So I've been on again off again raw for a little while now, and I am trying to be back "on". The only problem is that I live with my boyfriend now, and he is not raw at all. He really likes his pasta and meat. I dont really have a problem with his diet, and I dont think raw is for everybody. He doesnt have any problem with the idea me eating mostly raw. But my issue is how to manage daily meals together. Does anyone else live with a significant other who isnt raw? What do you do for dinner? Do you make your own things? Theres just something nice about sharing a meal together, like dinner. He likes a lot of the raw things that I make, like granola or cookies or something, though he is always really doubtfull at first and then is surprised he likes it. I'm not interested in being 100% raw at this point, but I'd like to be high raw, though I find my self eating SAD just because its easier when with some one else.

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  • Hey- I can relate! I've been high raw for about 4 months now and I'm still struggling to find the happy medium between eating raw and sharing a meal with my boyfriend (who prefers 'meat and potatoes').

  • DeborahBeeDeborahBee Raw Newbie

    I lived with my junk foodist boyfriend for 6 years. I was a vegetarian the whole time whilst all he ate was meat products. For 1 1/2 of those years I was raw.

    For the whole 6 years we prepared our own meals separately and ate together. It wasn't a problem. My boyfriend didn't like fruits or vegetables and I didn't like meat. It suited us fine.

  • Whenever I share a meal with my boyfriend I like to make us two different versions of the same thing:

    For example, if I eat salad I will top his off with chicken and some cheese.

    Or we can do pasta with sauce (not raw) and make a batch of whole wheat for me and the white crap for him.

    You could do wraps ie: lettuce wraps for you and wheat wraps for him with added meat of choice.

    Another great idea is to make stir fry...only fry his portion, while having yours raw! (it's especially good if you let the veggies marinate for a while).

    Enlist in help! Make your man cook his own chicken while you do the rest : )

    The key is to try and keep it simple so you can do prep for one meal, while actually eating two different meals.

  • I can relate too - I have a non-raw husband, but I have to say we do not care about what is in each other's plates, as long as we can sit together on the table. Usually, we make a gourgeous raw salad together. Then he adds to that his piece of aminal "protein". I am "lucky" as he is lactose intolerant and the desserts in our house are always raw:-) Sometimes he even asks me to share my green smootie with him:-))) Lately, I am so proud of him as he is insisting on buying organic chips (still greasy, but organic:-)))! Ladies, my advice is: involve your men in choppping your veggies for you and watch them change their attitudes about raw right in front of your eyes! Make it look like it was their idea to eat raw in the first place:-)))

    P.S. It also helps if we both eat the same name foods - for example, he wants pizza tonight, I also have pizza , but the raw kind. He has mashed potatoes, I have raw mashed parsnips! The beauty of this website is that you can find a substitute raw recipe for any SAD recipe! Good luck!

    With infinite love:

    PlanetOrganic

  • I not only live with a non-raw, non-vegetarian boyfriend, but have three other housemates that are, too! The smells of the different foods drive me crazy sometimes! I will admit that these days are a little easier if we are both eating the same thing ('Mexican' instead of pizza and stir fry), that way I can taste the cumin I am smelling. Or looking over the table at his melty-cheese pizza drives me more insane if I don't have something hearty with tomato sauce in front of me.

    While its totally do-able and I haven't slipped from being raw because he eats some of my favorate foods while I eat my foods, I can understand the temptation. I just hope yours is as good of a sport as mine is and you don't catch any slack.

  • I can totally sympathize. I have been on and off raw for the past year and decided to stick with it in 09. My boyfriend buys costco size bags of chips and cheese spreads. I used to be tempted but now just reading the labels on some of that junk is enough to dissuade me from eating any of it.

    Since he doesn't cook, he usually brings in fast food and I have something homemade.

  • This is so hard!! I live with a meat and taters boy- at least he eats organic- but so much grain and pasta and the smells are so delicious!! He also has 2 junk food sons that live off of candy and pizza and I have a 3 year old i am trying to influence with healthy foods- so hard. I am actually moving out soon, but the best thing I do is make a mock-cooked-meal to mirror his, or make a raw meal and he will eat mine and his!!!! Its all about respect; as long as they aren't trying to tempt you, then it should work itself out!

  • Thanks for all of your replies everyone. I love the idea that rawsaysrita had. Make something similar, but different. I guess I just need to be a little more assertive in what I want, rather than taking the easy route. I know he would be fine with it, its just that face that he makes when I tell him what I am going to make and what is in it, like its going to be so weird and awful. He did that with my granola that I made, and now has eaten more of it than I have! So I think if I keep doing it, he will think its is less and less weird, and be more open.

    Thanks again for all of your help.

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    I've had to keep in mind - acceptance, patience. The food is a non-issue with my current boyfriend (luckily) but when I see other things that I wish are different, I am reminded to be patient and loving, because it is wise to let someone change at their own pace and at their own volition.

  • bittbitt Raw Newbie

    yes my husband is not all raw. we just eat different meals. it actually relieves the burden on both of us. he likes to eat big batches of lentils, etc and i never did when i ate cooked. too boring. i just eat when i'm hungry.

  • Its so funny what people think they don' t like, like with your boyfriend and the granola. Mine was kind of like that, he thought he wouldn't like raw butternut squash or raw sweet potato, but he will gobble up the butternut squash soups or sweet potato smoothies I make! If he is being lazy and doesn't want to cook, he will eat what I am eating. The only thing he never liked raw and insists on eating cooked is acorn squash.

    Since I went raw, he probably eats 50-60 percent raw on any given day, and depending on one' s definition, that could be considered a raw lifestyle. He disagrees with being raw and thinks I take it 'too far,' but requests granola and buys me all the utensils and appliances that make my raw lifestyle much more comfortable and convenient- go figure.

  • SuasoriaSuasoria Raw Newbie

    The person who takes responsibility for feeding the family sets the agenda IMO. There are "feeders" and there are "eaters" in every household, and the eaters have two choices - take it or leave it (and fend for yourself).

    At this point in my food evolution I would no sooner cook a piece of chicken for someone than I'd slit the throat of a kitten.

    I'm the feeder, and fortunately DH doesn't meddle much in the kitchen.

  • FeeFee Raw Master

    "its just that face that he makes when I tell him what I am going to make "

    I know exactly the one you mean A-love cos mine makes the same face. He is very good atrying things if they are sweet - I haven't managed to get him to try anything savory raw yet, although he does like green smoothies!

    I enjoy cooking and love preparing raw food and as others have said it can be easier trying to do a real and a raw pizza, however I've found the more raw I am I can quite happily eat a huge bowl of mixed salad while he tucks into a cooked whatever. I admit I do cook meat for him - I fell in love with him as the person he was and to try and change him into something else wouldn't work - I just wish he would eat a little more healthily than he does.

  • sv3sv3 Raw Newbie

    It's great hearing about everyone else's experiences/situations.

    I live with a non-raw, steak loving bf and he's been pretty great accepting my move to high raw. I eat raw all day and then tend to share a cooked vegetarian (or vegan) meal with him in the evenings. This suits me ok at the moment as I'm not ready to go 100% raw.

    I do what rawsaysrita does and tinker a little bit to make mine as raw or healthily cooked as poss. Quite a bit of the time, my bf does end up having just what I'm having as he's so lazy he cant be bothered to do his own thing!

    I love Suasoria's comment on 'feeders'/'eaters' in every household. I used to do all of the food prep in our house but got really fed up with this and basically said that we'd both prepare two dinners each a week and the other nights we'd do our own thing. It did help to balance things out a bit - although it does mean on the nights he cooks, I feel like I can't complain about what he's made as it's actually great he's doing something! He knows I won't eat meat and avoid diary/eggs and is actually very good about trying to make things as healthy as poss.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    I have a non-vegan, non-raw boyfriend, and honestly, I wouldn't trade him for any person in this world. I love him more than I thought possible. Our diets are non-issues. Obviously, I have a different respect for life than he does since I'm a vegan, but that doesn't make me accept him for who he is any less. We eat together when we both have food, or if only one of us has food, if it's him, I'll talk to him and look at him (something I enjoy immensely) while he's eating; if it's me with the food, I'll share if he wants some and we just love sitting next to each other, across from each other, wherever we may be. :)

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    I used to live with a meat and cooked food eater... I didn't like it. If i live with someone again, I don't think I can handle meat in the house - it just doesn't jive with my attitude. I'm not big on cooked food either - if someone wants healthy cooked vegan food once a week, that's okay - i dont mind helping prepare it and might even have some, but I'm just not okay with someone taking over my kitchen and making cooked meals every day. I'm okay with dating someone who eats a healthy version of SAD in their OWN home, as long as meat isn't prepared in MY house, and as long as cooked vegan food is only rarely prepared in MY house. Sorry, but I have to lay down the law somewhere... I've realized that I'm tired of compromising, and I really can't live a raw vegan lifestyle if someone brings toxins in my life.

    I got very lucky, and the very amazing person i'm dating now only eats vegetarian smoothies. Rarely meat. Doesn't cook or eat out. I'm so thrilled about this, there are no words to express it.

    I'm impressed by your commitment, Fee, that you're willing to cook meat for your boyfriend.

    I made compromises for 5 years about the meat issue, and by the time i went raw there were just too many differences in the kitchen AND in our philosophy about health - that made it clear that i was being influenced by a toxic lifestyle. Not only because of the meat - it was the meat, the alcoholism, the cigarette smoking, the uncaring attitude. Of COURSE not everyone who eats meat is UNhealthy, not at all - (i mean that some meat eaters also choose to eat healthy, plant based foods). what' s more at issue than meat or not, is - what's their attitude about healthy living? Are they willing to embrace a lifestyle of exercise, nutritional food, toxin free, critical of pharmaceuticals/ government/ big business? Do they live an alternative lifestyle like I do?

    I understand that if you're already dating, you can't choose that person - but for those of you who are on the market, be sure to take full stock of whats important to you, ESPECIALLY now that you're eating raw - raw foods, the natural/alternative lifestyle can have a bigger impact on the success of your relationship than you realize. So, choose your partner wisely!

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    Sorry to hear that some of the significant others eat junk food. Is there any way you can dissuade them? Explain that it's upsetting for you to be around the junk?

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    I'm dating a guy so picky he refuses anything other than 10 foods. What would you do, dating someone who refuses to try most fruit/veg/dishes at all, cooked or raw?

    It makes me sad that I can't share my food with him, or make him anything at all. The only real meals he'll eat involve white bread and meat.

  • beanybeeganbeanybeegan Raw Newbie

    When I make a real nice meal I wish my DH could or would enjoy what I had made.

    My opinion only. Get a new boy friend. Love is always just around the corner.

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    Thanks for chiming in, Beany. He does eat a *few* types of fruit, but usually nothing else plant based. It's weird as a super-foodie, to adjust to this fact. I have rows and rows of spices, seasonings, dried fruits, nuts, sweeteners, oils, not to mention the huge piles of produce in every nook in my pantry and fridge. It's weird that someone's unwilling to bite into a local peach or apple or cherry or . I mean the good thing is, he doesn't cook or eat cooked food often, so that's a huge bonus for me!

    I'm at a loss. My boyfriend of 5 years had a substance abuse problem (alcohol and drgs and cigarettes and fried food) so it's nice to be away from that and in a relationship with someone who treats their body well (in their mind). The basic beliefs are all there: about fitness and local/organic and environmentalism and animal rights...

  • Hey, I love reading all of your posts! Its funny too, because just a couple days ago, my boyfriend tells me he wants to start eating a lot healthier, with absolutely no persuasion from me what so ever! I never nagged or tried to get him to do anything or taste anything. I just started eating how I wanted to eat. The other morning I was eating a fruit and green salad for breakfast (which was sooo tasty), and he had his eggs and toast, and he just said, "that looks so much more nutritious." I said, "It is.".... and now he is always wanting me to make extra salad and things for him when I'm preparing things. Its great, I love that he's getting interested.

    Luckily we dont have the feeder/eater problem, we both like to cook and dont mind cooking for just ourselves or both of us, depending on our respective moods. The food prep feels pretty equal.

    Fee- Try making something with one of his favorite savory flavor combinations (lemon and garlic or something) Something he is used to.

    I think there is a whole image thing that gets attached to the idea of "raw". But plenty of people have raw salads and fruit and things without ever thinking of it as "raw". All of the gourmet recipes on this site are just different, interesting (and tasty) ways of preparing food. Maybe when trying to introduce others to some of your raw recipes, dont lead with the fact that its raw, just say, "do you want to try some of this -blank- that I made? Its really good." and then they like it, its no big deal. There is no "raw" image attached to what is just food.

  • FeeFee Raw Master

    He he he - I have been making my boyfriend have a meat free Monday over the last few weeks to help save the enviroment (and his health). Today I got a text message from him saying "Ive just looked at my ham sandwichs you made me for lunch and I just don't fancy them. Can you make me more meat free sandwichs from now on" I was so happy and excited. He has also agreed to try some savory raw things too. He enjoyed the raw brownies I made from Jenifer Cornbleet last week so we are making improvements! Little by little maybe he will change.

  • BluedolfinBluedolfin Raw Newbie

    fee~

    I applaud you for creating an innovative approach with your boyfriend that works for both of you. Wow... worked a lot better than "hitting him over the head" with how wrong he is for not living up to your view of things. Hmmm... might be a lesson (for me) to learn there. :)

  • My husband being Bengali eats and prefers mostly veg dishes. He is not that crazy about raw YET hahahaha but he is very open to trying anything I make so it's all good. I have no problem cooking for him altho I do find myself taste testing to verify spice amounts [perhaps due to this I will never be 100% raw]. I cannot remember the last time I used chicken or fish for his meals. He has not asked me to either. We both used to love my thai coconut chicken...I have tried to make him a version with tofu instead, not a big hit LOL but he did eat it. I'm thankful he at least he is open to trying it.

    Quite honestly, it is challenging to me to even approach him about changing anything he eats as he he is very healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually! I'm kinda of the mindset of "If it ain't broke--don't fix it". But as I have said in every other thread---I am still new to this lifestyle. Maybe as I journey and progress I will have different convictions...time will tell.

    It's not like my choices for eating are discussed daily. I don't ram it into every conversation but when it comes up I do discuss things I am learning and excited about. Or for instance when the CC bill comes and I have racked up quite a bill on new items to try LOL!

    All anyone can do is be an example---I tell him how great I'm feeling and he sees it too. He made a comment that I was glowing the other day and said that this raw thing is really working for me. He is such a sweet spirited person and he sticks by me no matter what dietary changes I do. Let me tell you in the past years I have had some crazy ones too! He stuck thru with Atkins--can you imagine?!! I was an aggressive wackO but I lost weight so for a short lived moment it seemed worth it---ignorance is BLISS!!

    If he does decide to go more raw then I'm right here for him...but regardless, I'm here for him. No two people are the same. We all have to learn to be accepting of each others differences. Obviously if he did things against my moral beliefs and was intolerant of my desires there would be friction. Luckily I am with my best friend and we try to encourage each other's growth.

    Food is a huge factor for alot of people and cultures. I myself am not drawn to things I know will not set well with me. Meaning I don't really find myself hanging with people who go through drive-thrus daily or woof down tons of steak and potatoes just as I don't hang out with people who drink, smoke or do drugs. It's not my thing. I don't exclude those people by any means...it just seems that those people and I don't gravitate towards one another.

    Do some of my friends eat meat and other cooked items...absolutely! Do I expect them to change to be my friend..No. We are friends because of so many other things-not what we eat. Ok now I'm rambling so POOF I'm gone ;P

    Peace

    Lo~

  • FeeFee Raw Master

    Im so happy today. Being Valentines day I thought it would be nice to have a special meal. I made a normal salad each. I made Alissa Cohen's carrot and pecan burgers in heart shapes, and after dehydrating them for 6 and a half hours I fried my partners in coconut oil for a couple of minutes on each side and also made his some boiled new potatoes. I also made Alissa's curry sauce. He ate all of this up and liked it too. For dessert I made Alissa's blue berry pie in heart shpaed moulds with cashew nut cream. This too disappeared fast. Finally we had heart shaped homemade raw coconut chocolates.

    Im so happy that he was prepared to try it all and actually didnt find it too bad. He said the burgers tasted like meat samosas but without the meat! I didnt tell him what they were (other than he knew I had the same) until we had finished the meal - when he went yuck!!! If he doesnt know what it is he doesnt mind anywhere near as much. Weird.

    Im happy to compromise and have a cooked meal out with him when he is prepared to try my raw food like this. My ex-husband never would have even tried it and he was veggie. Weird eh?

  • Hi everybody-

    Wow, I don't even have a significant other at the moment, but I love some of your ideas here, like making somethign similar only raw and eat together, and I love the idea of making one thing and just adding meat or cheese for someone who wants it, like a salad or something. I could so do that when I have non raw friends over.

    Thanks to all for sharing!!!

  • CarnapCarnap Raw Newbie

    I agree with Winona. I was with a guy who ate meat twice a day most days. But the kind of attitude that went with was him being TOTALLY uncritical of any big industry, of anything really. I major and minor in philosophy. Analysing and critical thinking are my LIFE. The communication got so hard. I realized finally that our "discussions" were just me doing monologues and him listening (or not?), but not interacting. I even sent him an email yesterda, the first sentence "I know you don't like reasoning when stemmed from emotion, so I am going to logically and briefly explain...."

    He said he erased it after reading the first few sentences. He said "i've heard it all before". Total lack of respect.

    Scary thing is when I say I want to break up he says 'in your dreams'.

    Part of going raw has opened me up to say "who the hell am I dating? Do you want to stay with this macho guy?"

    I will ONLY consider vegans as life mates in the future, even if their cooked, but ONLY vegans.

  • Carnap...

    Listen I'm not Dr. Phil or anything but as I have stated before I've been around a few decades LOL. I am going to share my opinion with you...you may not like it and then again it may be just what you need to hear. Either way, I'm not judging you only giving you my gut reaction to what I read...so here goes.

    It sounds as tho you are very unhappy in your situation...I think the real question you need to ask yourself is why do you continue on with it? I'm sure you all have heard men and women communicate differently right?? Well it is TRUE. Honestly, I would have probably erased an E started the way you did as well. Right from the jump whether you mean to be or not...you were negative. A passive attack is still an attack. You could have written what you had to say without that little jab about him not understanding and/or not being emotional AND without making "being logical" seem like its a bad quality. From the little you have written, in my opinion, I don't even think you LIKE this man you consider your BF. You also wrote...Scary thing is when I say I want to break up he says 'in your dreams'. Why would you write that here? Are you truly afraid of him? Because you can get help to get out if that's the case. Somehow I think it's more of a way to prove to yourself [and everyone else] that HE is the bad one. No one is judging on this site. But I will say, it takes 2 to make a relationship work or end.

    When trying to communicate with him have you ever said something like...Listen, I care about you so much but when you do "this and that" [be specific] it makes me feel like you don't respect me--then you zip it and let him speak. You know some people are intimidated by people whom are articulate and possibly more educated than they are [not that I know anything about your BF]

    The sad truth is MAJORITY of people don't have an opinion about big industry or anything much really...they live in their worlds and the outside issues are just what they are. Unless it affects them on a daily basis they are oblivious to it. The old saying "Ignorance is Bliss". You are passionate about your raw journey and that's wonderful for YOU. He obviously does not share that passion but that is HIS choice. We are all human beings experiencing this temporary thing called life. I think he would be more receptive to understanding your lifestyle decisions if you also show interest in his decisions as well, instead of judging him. If you cannot accept him for who he is now, you are not going to have a happy relationship. You made the statement you will only be with a vegan for life mate...then why are you wasting precious time with this man? Time is the one commodity we can never have enough of. So not only are you wasting your time you are also wasting his time. Is that fair to either of you?

    He is who he is. You are who you are. Are you going to change...suddenly start eating eggs and bacon with him each morning? No I don't think you will [I should hope not anyway] so you can't really in expect him to change for you. If and ever he decides to change, I hope it's because he has had some type of awakening within himself and that change will be for himself...as you have changed for yourself. Any changes made for another never truly last. One must have an emotional conviction within to make a lasting change.

    Much love

    Lo~

  • Hey! Where are all you ladies at? All I can find are meat eaters! In my most recent relationship, which lasted about 5 months, I was with a meat eater. She was open to some of my raw stuff and even made me a raw dinner on special occasions, but she would get on my case about being 100% raw, saying that it was borderline "antisocial" because it made people feel bad to see me eating a healthy salad while they were eating a huge SAD meal. :(

    By the way, where do raw women hang out? I need to find one!

  • CarnapCarnap Raw Newbie

    Glamazon, either you are very insightful or I am painfully transparent!

    Vegansquared! LOL antisocial!! Those people should just feel motivated to be more like you!

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