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kind of dreading it...

can anybody help? i really love being raw and eating what i want-my mum is very easygoing about it but this weekend i am going over to my dads (who doesnt know) so i eat what theyve made -im doing really well in losing weight- not sure if its psychological but my appearance seems to change even after 1 cooked meal- its just not worth it and i feel less confident- i feel like telling him but not sure how. in chinese culture food is a Huge thing and eating is a must!

plus my cousins wedding is coming up all guests are staying a couple of days- i want to eat what i want but again the chinese culture thing will be in force(food will have been decided) and wel prob be invited for breakfast dinner and tea with them so no escaping- my uncle especially i think is going to give me a hard time- he never shuts up about when i went vegetarian nevermind telling him what i am now- am seriously considering not going-

so feel if i dont tell these people i will have to cut myself off which i dont want to- we all have our own lives i feel, we should feel free to do what we all want and i wouldnt tell others what they should eat

what can i say? thankyou

Comments

  • sv3sv3 Raw Newbie

    Hi fruitie, it's a hard one I know. Although I'm not 100% (I'm high raw), I have found myself avoiding certain situations when I know the food on offer will be limited or no raw options. I also know how it feels to not really want to explain my diet to certain people. I find the questions/looks/presumptions are really tiring at times.

    It is difficult when you feel you may be segregating yourself from family/friends and I try my best to not let my food preferences affect any aspect of my life. I do find that I tend to eat more cooked food when back at my folks house. This is pretty rare for me so I am kind of ok with that.

    Is there anyway you could only go to the wedding itself and not stay for a few days around it? Another option would be to go along and take your own food (but with enough to offer to others too).

    Sorry if my post isn't all that helpful, but wanted to provide some support and wish you well - whatever your decision.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    I would say if the culture that you feel exists includes people not respecting your choices and/or being indifferent to how you will feel during and AFTER you eat, then make a new type of culture that consists of eating healthy and respecting one another. :)

    Be strong. You are in control of what you put in your body; you're also in control of how you react to other and their (possible) negative reactions.....remain positive and hopefully they will be, too. Like, "I love eating fruit, so that's what I want to have. Do you want to join me?" with a smile. :)

  • troublesjustabubbletroublesjustabubble Raw Newbie

    I agree with superfood. Also, instead of making it a culture issue just make it a health and wellness issue. Instead of saying "oh I only eat raw food"(that tends to make people feel like you're judging their lifestyle) just say "well this food actually makes me feel bad so I eat this!" and people can understand that far better. I take that approach more often and have had far less fights than I used to.....

  • joannabananajoannabanana Raw Newbie

    fruitie, after a while, your family will accept you for who you are and forget about what you eat. i went to my dad's house for the first time a few months ago and he LOVES to cook. he always feeds me and my sister like crazy when we go over. i didn't tell him that i am raw, but i just brought a huge watermelon over for us to eat together. i just said that i'd rather eat this for dinner and if i got hungry, i'd eat when i went home. he was just happy for my company.

    it really just takes some getting used to. ultimately, you control what you eat, and if your family doesn't accept it, then so beit it. get-togethers can be difficult and it's very easy to eat what everybody else is eating. i have to go to my aunt's funeral today and everyone is going out to eat after. i decided that i'm not going to the lunch because i know this restaurant is italian and only has boring salads for me to eat. i'm going bike riding with my dad instead, so that should be fun if i can actually stay on my bike.

    just do what's right for you!!! it's your life!

  • yes i kind of do have to stay as the wedding venue is pretty far away- thanks everyones comment is helping- we are totally in control of what we put in OUR bodies and we should respect whatever each other eats and way of life-

  • LilEarthMuffinLilEarthMuffin Raw Newbie

    Fruitie i know exactly what you mean.

    My family doesnt know about me being a raw vegan - only my mom does.

    They do however know that i am not eating meat.

    I am only 16 years old so its espically hard because they still get to excersise some control over me, them being adults. But the one thing i remember as stated above is that I am the only one that controls what gets to go into my body. If you feel great on a raw diet then ingore the stares and reach for that salad with your head held high. One thing that i have found is that if you make a big deal about it they will too, however if you just play it off real cooly and always have some raw veggies and fruits on hand then you should be okay.

    Hope i helped and good luck :)

  • waterbaby12347waterbaby12347 Raw Newbie

    I too understand your problem and didn't do a good job but if I had the opportunity to do it again, I would...

    NOT make a issue of my eating habits... I wouldn't mention it at all...

    If I were you, I would go and eat the items available that worked for me and avoid the others without saying a word...

    Or saying wow that looks good but I'm so full, I just couldn't eat another bite... If you are trying to loose weight, this would help cut down on the calories while you are with them... At the wedding you could eat before you go or pack a meal to keep in the car to eat after it is over... Just be true to yourself and it will all work out...

    Good Luck, be strong and YOU will be successful... smile

  • SuasoriaSuasoria Raw Newbie

    If you don't do these kinds of gatherings frequently, would it maybe work to just dodge/white lie your way through it? Something like, "I'm on a very restricted diet right now" or "I am dealing with some food allergies?"

    I know it's not exactly the "big girl" way to deal with it, but if you need a temporary/keep-the-peace approach, most people don't push. Otherwise I'm with Waterbaby -- how you choose to eat isn't really anyone else's business, no matter how tempting it is to broadcast it when you feel so good about it.

    Often these days I say something like "I don't really like to talk about my diet unless you're really, really dying to know. Are you facing some kind of health crisis and asking for my advice?"

  • I would go with waterbabies advice on not making an issue of it. I generally eat high raw to some days all raw. Have been for months. No one really notices- not my coworkers or even my family. I've been vegetarian for almost a decade (that they noticed much more). Everyone just thinks I like fruit and salad. And, to everyone else- that's what it is. Much simplier.

    Some other thoughts. Try to have fruit or other simple/portable raw food around for yourself. Bring a bowl or basket of fresh fruit or a big salad to gatherings IF it will help and not seem too out of place.

    Even though it would be best if family respected your diet choices, I get very leery of people feeling they have to isolate themselves once they go raw. Not visiting family or old friends. I eat very high raw (but not 100%) so that may make the difference. But, cutting yourself off from family (unless they are truly abusive) isn't good (imho). If you aren't 100% raw- this may be a good time to eat some vegetable based cooked foods and fill the rest of your plate with salads.

    Of course, if your family is just too abusive that you have to beg out, only you can decide that.

    And, if your uncle insists on talking about what you are eating, an appropriate response may be: "Uncle, I'm sure there are more interesting things to talk about with a wedding coming up than what I eat."

    I tend to use the phrase "that just doesn't settle with me that well" when avoiding eating something. Of course, I have also been know to politley pass by a steak by just saying "Thank you, but I'm not a big steak eater."

    Good luck. It gets easier as you get older (you tend to not have to explain yourself as much:-)

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    I agree - don't cut yourself off from family and friends unless they are abusive and at least give them one warning if they are crossing the line; they may not realize it.

  • ajcajc Raw Newbie

    This is something I read which might be worth thinking about.

    I would not want to lose family over my way eating,they are the most important people in the world

    .

    "'Food should sustain you and nourish you, rather than rule your life. If food rules your life, the diet is eating you, rather than the other way around!"'

  • LilEarthMuffinLilEarthMuffin Raw Newbie

    ajc that quote is so true.

    i wrote that down and stuck it up on my fridge :)

  • thankyou i really appreciate it. il try and stay strong, not make a deal about it and not mention im raw unless someone asks. il take avocados. sisterbecky i will try and use your suggested response. i know my uncle will zone in on what im eating. the funny thing is, is that he demands respect from everyone- no one dare answer him back- not even his kids or my dad- yet doesnt give us respect- il just say i prefer to eat salads and stuff -

    its in a few months the wedding so will write what happened

  • i went to the wedding- and spent a few days there- i managed to stick to what i wanted to eat- my uncle as expected made a show and annnounced hey everyone lets watch her eat-i was upset- then other comments of rabbit food were later made-i felt pretty mad! so pleased i ignored him and stuck up for myself-the waiter at the wedding dinner was so kind and customised every item - he changed the whole set menu thing and brought alternatives-and so i made it thru

  • That is awesome Fruitie! I'm glad you came back to this thread to update what happened at the wedding. Congratulations for sticking to your guns and only eating what you wanted to eat. I know how it goes with family events and celebrations, and that you were able to stay raw is inspiring! I'm sure it couldn't have been too easy with your uncle making a bit of a spectacle of you. It's wonderful that the waiter was so nice and accommodating! I always worry that when I go out to a restaurant and eat raw that it will be difficult to get things modified. At least SOMEONE there made it easy for you!! :)

  • sv3sv3 Raw Newbie

    Well done fruitie! Good for you and thanks for the update.

  • thank you

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