having trouble staying on the wagon....

edited December 2010 in Being Raw

So to be honest, in the past I have dealt with lots of weight issues. I got a little overweight a while back, and when I realized it I went nuts. My self esteem plummeted downward past the point of self loathing, and I started starving myself to lose the weight.

I lost the weight, and then some. I was malnourished, blah blah blah, all the typical anorexic type of stuff. Eventually I crashed, and went straight into binge eating all the time, which led into bulimia, which has been an ongoing thing with me.

When I started raw, I was much much better. My self esteem had begun to go up, I was feeling better, and I was eating healthy. But lately I have been uncontrollably binge eating on cooked foods. Not even healthy cooked foods!! Things like chocolate and donuts and other typical crap.

I feel like shit, my self esteem is TERRIBLE, and my weight is going up again. But for some reason I just can’t stop! It doesn’t help that my budget is super tight right now too.

I don’t know what to do to stop my binge eating and get back on the raw wagon. I’m terrified of getting fat again (I’ve just gained like 8 pounds), and I just can’t describe how terrible I feel about myself. Any advice from anyone?

Comments

  • First of all, don’t punish yourself anymore. You’re recognizing that your thinking and behavior is indicative of an eating disorder, and in that sense, you’re way ahead of the game.

    What I do when I have painful cravings is to try to raw-feed that craving. For example, if Im’ having a craving for oils fats or even meat, then I make vegetable rolls with nori, lettuce, AVOCADO slices and sprouts and then I pig out on those avocado roles! What I mean is, feed your craving. Eat a handful or two of raw pecans or walnuts. If you crave sweet, then eat some oranges or tangerines or bananas. And don’t feel guilty. Your body wouldn’t be screaming for it if it didn’t need it, and also, guilt feelings produce terrible stress and it makes everything much, much worse.

    I don’t know if this helps, but I think you’re doing great at this stage in your life. You’re working hard to take care of your body and you explore your feelings and throughts and ask questions. Dont fret.OOXX

  • Well, I think you should start with eating fruit in the morning up till noon. If you buy what is in season it’s not too expensive and you can eat alot of it without feeling bad or gaining weight. Then make a big salad for lunch. I think it’s okay if you have a healthy cooked vegetarian dinner. Oh, and exercising will help you keep your weight in control and make you feel better about yourself as well as making you want to eat better. You should add it into your daily routine if you can (and if you don’t already). And just remember, take it slow. Oh another thing that can help with getting “back on the wagon” is making green smoothies. Great big ones. You make them with fruit so they taste good and they really fill you up and help to control bad food cravings. I hope this helps. Don’t beat yourself up about the diet thing, either. Just keep trying. It will click eventually. :)

  • Meditation has helped me greatly in my life. It can help you get to the root of your diet issues. It’s not always pleasant, but is it ever rewarding!

    I can sense from your postings that you have a wonderful capacity for self-healing, so it’s just a matter of getting yourself in a good healing space. Good luck, Slosh-uh! :)

  • Hi Slosh-uh

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, as Alix1962 said you’re recognizing the problem and taking action about it, so that’s a big step, take credit for that :)

    What works for me is reading, the more I learn about the good of been raw and how bad it is for us all the junk and cook food the better. Try to focus on your health rather than the weight.

    Stay healthy!!!

  • Slosh-uh…I can totally relate…the other day i was bingeing on pizza and dinner rolls..mostly becuase i felt lonely or bored.

    A book that is kinda helpful was Angela Stokes, Emotional Eating, you can find it on rawreform.com. I liked it. But reading this stuff is different from actually taking the action. I realized that I have that same problem…always going to food for emotional issues. It didn’t matter if i wanted fat or sweets. A simple fruit or a couple handfuls of nuts just didn’t do it. I wanted “real food”!!! i wanted the FULL fat, I wanted grease, i wanted that MUFFIN.

    People can tell you ways of how they hold back their cravings or fulfill them, but the first thing you need to address is why you go to these foods. Don’t get me wrong, its been a long struggle for me as well. I have gained 15 lbs! and still can’t fit into my jeans since going raw or kinda raw. But there is always something in the back of my head saying, stick with it just for a little bit more, because i know that it is better for me.

    I have talked to some people, and they said that going on raw to lose weight shouldn’t be your only reason. It should be more that you want to feed your body with healthy foods, quality foods that make you feel good about yourself.

    Think about it this way…If I drink too much, I get hungover the next day..and hate that feeling of wasting a nice day inside to feed my hangover..I would rather be outside and enjoy my environment. So…rather than drinking my self to a stuper, i drink 2 glasses. Moderation is key. I live right above a bakery…they have the best Squash bread!! and they give you a huge portion. I have to keep telling myself, how do you feel after you eat it…i feel heavy and gross…so i won’t eat it, but then there are times when i do eat it and totally feel guilty.

    Its the whole back and forth that kills me. One step at a time and you can figure out what is really bothering you. I ate pizza and dinner rolls because I was bored and lonely. I should have just gone for a walk or went shopping…something un-food related.

    TO me, fruit and salads don’t relieve me of my cravings, but as you heal your mind, things start to come in place, and eventually fruit and salads will be my cure. Sorry for the long rant, but i just wanted to let you know you aren’t the only one!

  • i have had some similar issues, though probably less severe. i was an anorexic preteen, which set the stage for a lifetime of strange eating habits. for the most part i am just totally obsessed with food. in recent years it’s been healthy food, which is probably the reason i am not obese, like other members of my family.

    so, i would say:

    1) identify trigger foods and keep them AWAY from you by whatever means necessary. trigger foods are those that you just can’t seem to stop eating, even if you’ve eaten waaay too much already. mine are bread, pasta, and gummy bears.

    2) in order to follow #1, you may need to take such steps as keeping any and all such food out of the house, asking your close friends not to eat it around you, avoiding eating alone (i often will eat something when i am alone that i would never eat in front of anyone else… that is the mark of an eating disorder, the secrecy)

    3) eat wonderful food! OK, so this is the fun part: you get to eat the best food in the world! and don’t deny yourself that. i’m sure you have budgetary constraints, but you deserve your favorite fruits and veggies to have around. i often will crave something, but if i eat a banana, it goes away. honestly, pretty much no matter what i am craving, it sometimes takes two or 3 bananas, but the craving will go away.

    4) do not expect perfection from yourself. if and when you slip up, the more you beat yourself up about it, the more likely you are to do it again, because you’re sending your self esteem into a downward spiral.

    5) it’s awesome that you asked us for help! i hope these comments are useful.

  • thank you guys so so much for the advice and support, I really appreciate it. I’m trying to get back on the raw train right now, so hopefully I can get there for good.

    Snoopy- I totally hear what you are saying. I try real hard to figure out what the real problem is behind my eating issues is but I never seem to get there. Thanks for relating :)

    mandelicious- those are some really great ideas, I’ve tried some of those things in the past and failed, but that was mostly because I was depriving myself of food in general. Thanks so much!

  • I struggle with the same binge eating. It seems I crave FAT!! Raw or cooked. I always feel disgusting afterwards and I hate myself even more. I’ve gained 20lbs and cannot get rid of it, even though I’m mostly raw. I’ll have one good day to my three bad days. I want to try a water fast to try and help get over this addiction, but I don’t know if I have the will power. I’m on hour 19 of water and all I can think about is food!!

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