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the longer you stay in this the bigger that number (“2.5 years”) is going to get, the harder it’s going to be to leave.
i am so sorry, but this is clearly NOT working out for you. you can’t make him SEE if he doesn’t want to. (can you tell i’ve been YOU in this situation? ;))
i know it will leave a big whole, but when we release things that don’t serve us we free up space for better things.
you deserve someone’s full attention. you shouldn’t have to ask or argue for it.
best of luck!
you’re only 22! I think a break from the relationship sounds good. if you’re meant to be together, then it will happen over time. Remain friends, but take a break. I agree, you might want to focus on yourself for a while. Smile and try to be happy. Happiness comes from within.
Valeria, if he is telling you that he is over her, and he is committed to you, and you are refusing to accept what he is telling you, then I would think that this is flagging up an issue with your self esteem. It is tough for him not to believed, as tough as it is for you not to believe him, maybe?
Were you aware of having low self esteem before now? Low self esteem can lie silently in you and then get triggered by something that pushes your button like this. These situations are opportunities for you to heal because it alerts you to the state of your self esteem, if it is an underlying issue for you.
I have had terrible self esteem for most of my life, and I can totally relate to the kind of jealous obsession that you are going through. I used to feel like that in every relationship, until I realised it was me with the problem not the relationships! I knew I had low self esteem but I never did anything about it, I just wore that label like a badge…when I realised how I was sabotaging every relationship I had, my career, everything with my low self esteem and the havoc it causes, I took steps to heal it. I am so glad I did. It is completely life changing to turn something like low self esteem around. It is very empowering.
Something I often find myself saying to people who are in trouble with their relationships is for you to look at what is between you…what do you actually share…what actually happens between you when you are together? The relationship is simply and only what happens when you are together, everything else is in your head.
If you take a good look at what is there between you, in the time you share together and decide that this is something alive, real and good for you, then I would suggest wrking like crazy on your self esteem, really committing to a course of action to heal it, and when you feel stronger, then look at the relationship again.
But you could look at it and decide that you are best to leave the relationship, if so, then still commit to working on your self esteem, it will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself, I can vouch for that ;)
yes, happiness comes from within. You have to love yourself before you can be able to love others. :)
Taking some time to focus on yourself and build up your self esteem will help you enter into a healthy relationship.
Did you ask his mom whether or not the “stuff in the basement” has stuff from the online gf? I do know that sometimes people save things from old relationship but it really depends on what the stuff is. Hmm…tought one. Although not me, if the relationship ended bad and I am hurt, I have a ritual destruction of everything (ha ha! well, I don’t want the stuff around anywhere but everyone is different).
It still sounds like something is definately bothering you about the relationship. When you are your bf and talk about it do you feel any better? like relieved and you want to stay and that everything is going to be alright? If not, than it might be time for you to leave.
Can you imagine yourself leaving? Do you think you will feel better? Sometimes it is the relationship that is sufficating us and when you leave you feel relief and though it takes time to get over it – you know you did the right thing.
The whole “no explanation” thing raises a flag for me because you deserve one! If he really loved you, he should have thought about your feelings. But it does sound like he is sorry for doing that – some people just don’t think about how other people might think about things.
The whole internet thing is ending up to be a “double-edged sword” in my opinion. It is a great way to meet people but it is also a great way for involved people to be swayed to cheat. (I have been through it so I know). Do you think he is still in contact with this girl? If he is (unless he is honstly telling you are really just friends) than break it off. Esp if he is still saving the emails …sorry but that would be unexcept to me. That is not moving on with the future.
He might be hanging on to something for “just in case” (like “just in case” things don’t work out with you).
It hard to know what really to tell you without knowing what your bf is like though too. But to me it sounds like that yeah he was still holding on to that online girl when you guys were together.
I think many may not agree with my advice but when I break it off with someone – that is it, I sever all ties. The whole still “being friends” thing just never works out. (unless you guys have a kid together or something than you would have to keep contact).
It really depends on how you feel about your life right now too – I mean, do you really just want to “get on” with your life which is why you want to make a decision about the relationship?
I think it is a good idea for you to take a break – it sounds like you have some major decision making to do. It might be the best way for you to decide how you feel.