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I’m not sure how many people who are changing their lifestyle to a healthier one here are involved in a relationship with someone who is not at all interested in changing their lifestyle. This can be a major obstacle for many. I personally get a lot of resistance from my SO when I ask her to go just 1 day without cooked food. It seems like trying to get a heroine addict off of heroine. Many people on this board still consume many of the stimulants and other less than perfectly healthy foods so they wouldn’t understand the cleaning affects but that is another issue. My senses are very sensitive now and getting intimate with a toxic cooked food eater just makes me feel sick. I was wondering if someone can suggest a way to interest her in trying to eat healthier.



  • I would suggest getting her interested by not showing that she makes you sick(!) and instead by preparing some beautiful raw meals/snacks for you guys to share and by just talking about how you feel in a non-judgmental way. If my boyfriend told me it made him sick to be with me because i’m a toxic dead food eater, I would be so angry and defensive that the conversation would never progress. If he tried to gently interest me in the foods, I think i’d be more attracted to it (this is all by way of hypothetical – I’m raw and single single single). If you treat your SO like you have found enlightenment and she’s in the dark ages and is slowly killing herself, I would wager that your relationship is not going to be long for the world. Also, maybe try getting her a book like Natalia Rose’s Raw Food Diet Detox. I got it for my parents – who i know will never go raw or vegetarian or vegan – but who i’m trying to get to eat at least one or two raw meals a day. Rose’s book is great – and it’s aimed for people who might not want to give up meat or cooked food, but who can find a transition level and stick to it. If your girl finds that she starts eating this stuff and loses weight or otherwise feels healthier, she might start drifting more raw on her own. I guarantee that your implicit disdain of her diet is not going to work as you’d like it to. If I were your girlfriend and you implied that I make you sick, I’d start stuffing fried cheese balls in my mouth in front of you while making yummy nummy noises. Seriously – the way to ‘convert’ people to raw food is not by acting like we are the holy ones. We’ve made a food choice – not found G-d or cured AIDS – and it’s not good to act superior to anyone just becuase you like your green beans snappy.

  • after i became veg me and my girlfriend/ fiace broke up after six years things just werent the same. now i cant seem to meet any veg women that i click with. so now im starting to feel healthy and somewhat lonely. i think god is making me wait for my future wife so im cool with it :)))))) and trying to stay patient

  • I say learn to love her the exact way she is unconditionally or cut your losses and move on.

  • i know what you are talking about. you cannot expect someone else to go raw no more than they should expect you to not be. if a mutual understanding / cooperative arrangment cannot be met, move on!

  • SystemSystem Raw Newbie

    I fully agree that relationships are extremely difficult once we’ve gone raw. If vegan was sometimes challenging, I’m finding raw to complicate my life in regards to meeting guys, and even going to work or going out with friends – it makes me feel like a burden sometimes because of the way I eat vs how they eat.

    I too have given up on finding someone… Sigh! Oh well, red grapes are a comfort food for me ;)

  • ZoeZoe

    My husband and I were both cooked vegans when we met.

    He had experienced raw food before, and wanted to go raw. Initially, although it all made perfect sense to me, I thought I couldn’t do it. So he went for it and I trailed behind.

    He helped me to change by making me the most delicious things, and he just made me know, that all he wanted was for me to eat this gorgeous food, and get on this amazing journey with him. He really pampered me with raw food. He kept on telling me I was worth it, and helped me see that it was my somewhat battered self esteem that was holding me back, and that I could do it.

    I think that if you love her, then you need to put it into action, to help move things on for the both of you. Love always works, always. Letting your current differences cause divisions between you will drive you both apart. Find ways to share this raw food thing together, instead of it being about ‘I am right, you are wrong’. If you want her to go raw for a day make her some amazing food, presented in a beautiful way I think making her raw cakes and puddings is a good start, it worked for me!!

  • I agree with RawAlla on this one. You can’t make someone do or think anything. You just have to set the best example you possibly can, and know that things will work out as they should.

  • yes yes yes zoe that’s what i was thinking!

  • ZoeZoe

    Well the thing with me and Chris is that I wanted to change to eating raw, but I didn’t think I could, so it’s more that he supported me than tried to convert me, I was already sold on the idea :) From what you say Socal, your girlfriend doesn’t want to be raw, so maybe RawAlla’s advice is right…

  • I read a great raw vegan book that talked about not ramming your beliefs down your families throats. If your SO said to you that you had to change your religion to be a part of her life what would you do?? In healthy relationships both people stay individuals..they don’t have to like the same football team.

  • right on zoe, ray, mango, rawella and fuzzyface! I’ve had 7 GFs since 1991 and all of them have turned raw and most have stayed raw. I did it because i never ever hinted that i wanted them to change. I loved them exactly as they were, knowing of course that both of us had problems. I called them all perfect. I just focused on the good, and improving myself, and she caught on everytime. It goes for more than just food. I made my own food a little neater, cleaner and flashier than usual but i acted like it was totaly unimportant- because it is! Food is a means to an end! The end is love. When she showed some interest i just catered to her tastes like her own private chef.

  • btw, if they never went raw that would have been cool to! XDDD

  • love the one your with

  • im wondering… does this pic make me look unfriendly ? :)

  • I’ve decided that I will not explain myself anymore about my lifestyle.My husband supports me in everything and that is enough for me.I am tired to explain something that is personal,my life and the way that I want to live and eat.

  • ZoeZoe

    jaymz72, you both look lovely in that photo!

  • joescjoesc Raw Master

    I am beginning to feel that way also Lucy. I feel like I am constantly explaining myself to people but sometimes I try to hold on because I don’t want my bad attitude to deter someone from trying raw foods. When I go to work every morning someone will say, “what is that?” I have explained a green smoothie so many times that I didn’t have one yesterday, I had a beet smoothie which looked like a dark strawberry shake and no one questioned it.

  • Hi all, I am new to raw and my husband is supportive but not INTO it like I am. My toddlers and him still eat cooked foods. This kept me from being raw for the last year and a half. I knew thats what I wanted to do but I thought I couldnt do it alone. I wanted my SO to do it with me! Finaly I decided I had enough and that my health was more important than my desire to be understood by my family. I committed to being raw for me and not worrying about what anyone else is doing…its their bodies and like jaymz72 said, they will see how wonderful it is and want to change, if you lead by example. I know its tough when other people arent supportive of your choices…maybe thats how you and your SO are feeling and that is really the root of the problem? Good luck! and thanks everyone for such good imput…its great to be UNDERSTOOD…even if its not by your family!

  • oops sorry misquote it was jedisunrise who was leading by example…. and jaymz72 you look cute with you dog :)

  • awwww you ladies are great !

  • Joesc,I think that no one like to see a green drink or green soup.If I have an avocado soup they think I have a pea soup,and a green juice is a huge thing.People make faces and always want to know what is in the drink.I think that they demand an explanation because they get so upset that you are not eating/drinking “their” food. And the question “where do you get your protein”?Like they are worried about you,or they care. I will tell,from now on that I eat fruits and veggies and that’s it. The majority of people don’t understand anything about nuts and seeds,so,they don’t have to know about them.

  • ZoeZoe

    But people who have allergies are quite accepted. Some people have nut, egg, milk, everything allergies and no-one questions that. If I said I was allergic to cooked food I wonder if the response would be different. What if I said I was ‘cooked food intolerant’ instead of proudly declaring “I am a raw vegan!”

  • My 3 yr old has lots of deadly allergies and people are very supportive…I have read some diet advisors suggesst “lie” to people and say that you are allergic to “whatever you are cutting out”. But I think its brillant to say “I am cooked food intolerant” and then if they ask any questions you can go on about what it does to you…I get a headace, I get weird rashes on my body, I get bloated and have gas…..all true…thats sooo funny…Im tottaly gonna use that…

    As for the Green Smoothies go…you can put them in a dark colored Nalgene/sports bottle or Fredirique Patennade (sp?) has a green smoothie jug made with the safe plastic and on it has inspiring words (think HADO Dr. Emoto Water Crystals and all that). Its already green so no one would notice. I have had many “strange” eating habits in my life and I also got tired of explaining myself..this time I am not going to mention it unless someone asks..I’ll be as inconspicious as I can and when all else fails go for the “I am cooked food intolerant” hahhaaa

  • I personally had to deal with alot of criticism etc when I first started homeschooling my three kids…so, I guess you could say I have developed a thick skin. Why would any of us feel that we have to defend our choices. On Easter my sister was giving me a hard time and she said that her doctor told her she was the healthiest obese person he had ever seen. I just cracked up laughing. And she thinks I am weird cause I eat raw :) :) My new motto: Health is more important than friendships :)

  • joescjoesc Raw Master

    Zoe that was hilarious. I was laughing so loud at my job. I think i am going to have to use that. Say I am cooked food intolerant.

  • PamPam

    I just laugh and say it’s yucky, you really don’t want to know. Next, I tell them there are three things I don’t talk about: politics, religion, and eating habits. Then, I change the subject! The teacher will appear when the student is ready.

  • SystemSystem Raw Newbie

    Ambikalee, I love your quote!! And Pam, I agree with you: I don’t discuss either politics or religion, and I will now add eating habits. It’s true, trying to explain your eating habits only turns into arguments. Many people (at work, mostly, and guys I’ve gone on dates with) probably think I’m insane :0 !!! And the best thing is, see if I care!

  • I have used Pam’s technique here many times! Probably more than any other. It’s true, they won’t like it. Its casual and funny. I also don’t talk about politics and religion carelessly. I like the cooked food intolerant method! That’s a new one to me!

    Here is a different view. Food has always been a way for people to come together. We find it common and therefore easy to talk about. So when these people, these aquaintances, ask us about our food, are they looking to pick on us, or are they finding an excuse to talk to us, to start a relaxing conversation? They’ll forget about it in about 15 seconds, but they will feel that they had some interaction. Isn’t it a compliment? I mean, if I find someone repulsive, which is rare, I really don’t care what they are eating! I am not curious about what they are holding. I ignore that person. If I want to be friends, or more, with someone I will use any excuse to talk to them. If I see it this way I can just say, “Its sprouted sunflower seeds and romaine lettuce, with some of the pulp from this morning’s juice.” like its no big deal. Because it isn’t. “Want some?” (‘O’)/ “no thanks!” (x.X)_ “Where’s yours?” (’-’)?

  • That’s a good idea Ambikalee. I’ll do that. Unfortunatelly we can’t be happy and tell everyone that we are on a wonderful raw lifestyle. I believe that that was my mistake.I was too much happy. Some people can not take it. Well,I still happy with my raw lifestyle,but now I’ll be “cooked food intolerante”.

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