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Hi Moth. You are fighting the age old battle…..not the weight battle…..the self-esteem battle. One of the hardest things to do is to love and accept yourself EXACTLY as you are – free of judgement and criticism. Be kind to yourself first and be your own best gentle friend.
Good luck.
Jeez, are you like 4 foot tall?? I mean 110 is pretty svelte, I have been at 125 and I have seen 225, but I am 140 right now (I put on 20 friggin pounds when I quite smoking) and although I know I am not FAT I do obsess with my weight. I am so very much in the mode of I hate how I look, but I know I am healthy. I now go to the gym daily and am cutting back on nuts and seeds to help the calories so I can drop the pounds. I was anorexic, have been bulimic and have found that perception is deadly. Be healthy and know you are beautiful for who you are and what you do, but know the people who will judge with their shallow minds are truly ugly. Think “Shallow Hal” I love that movie.
However, let me confess, that I am all for a little plastic surgery by the time I hit forty just to touch up the old chassy, and if I wasn’t such a baby and fearful of silicon leakages, I would be a double d right now ;)
Invest in some georgous pants that fit you perfectly at your present weight. Get a pair that you normally wouldn’t be able to afford. Take them to a tailor to ensure that the fit is perfect: not too tight, not too loose. You’ll look darned good, and you’ll have a financial interest in maintaining your weight.
Women always seem to have clothing in their closets for someone who weighs less. If women only bought flattering things that fit, they would probably worry less.
Thanks for the replies! Really it helps to hear from rawbies on this issue. Essentially, my sense of self-worth seems to be tangled into my size somewhow. I usually avoid scales because I am easily triggered, but the other day when I saw my weight at the gym I felt like it wasn’t enough for me, like I needed to be even smaller if I was going to be able to love myself. I sometimes think and feel, “I’ll be so much happier if I’m ten pounds lighter,” or something like that. Then I overexercise to the point of injury and don’t eat much, but feel like I am missing out on a greater part of life because my vital energy is engaged in the obsession to be a particular size…
It’s definitely a self-acceptance issue. I’m glad I’m talking about it for once. I still feel like I would feel more comfortable with who I was if I was a smaller person. I think part of it is because when I was younger and experienced trauma I self-injured my body pretty badly and there isn’t a part of myself not covered in scars. So I kinda feel like to make up for the scars, I have to be really small in size, or something…
I know it’s a crazy outlook, but that’s what I’m dealing with and I like this website and RAW so I wanted to be honest about where I am coming from and what I am working with.
It’s all about self-love, I know, something I have always struggled with. I appreciate the advice, especially the clothing advice, that’s pretty clever.
Oh, and I am 5.3
harmonylia, your post about the double d’s cracked me up. Just this morning I was thinking about how if I could afford it, I’d have mine lifted a bit, and probably reduced a size. Ha! We always want what we don’t have, don’t we?
Moth, I’m right there with you on the discontentment with my body. It’s really hard to get past the negative self-talk, but it’s do-able. I’m working on that one myself. My husband thinks I look great, other people tell me I look great, but when I look in the mirror I see NOT GREAT. I see the boobs I don’t like so much, and the belly I CAN’T STAND, and the legs that need more work… I see the parts and pieces, not the whole. Not all the time, but often enough that overall I have a more negative self image than I want. Lately I’ve been working out like a maniac, thinking if I could just lose some weight then I’d be happy… so yeah. I know where you’re coming from, mentally. And it IS all mental.
I like the clothing advice, too, LionMouse. I discovered a while back the clothing styles that look better on me and that’s made a lot of difference. When I’m comfortable in my clothes it’s easier to be comfortable in my skin. Nothing sucks more that walking around all day feeling totally self-conscious because my jeans are giving me the dreaded muffin top. HAHA…
urghh me too…I had undereating/overexercising issues in college, and never really got help (I thought I “cured” myself) and as a result I spent the last few years alternating between dropping and gaining those same 15-20 lbs. My self esteem is really tied in to my weight as well and I do still obsess over it (especially since the last time I gained 12 lbs in less than a month! I’ve noticed since going raw though, I am losing weight at a good rate and not obsessing over food as much and not binging once. I’m still weighing myself every day, but more like to see what I weigh because I’m in awe that I can eat so much and not be starving but be losing weight. I’m slowly getting mentally healthier now though so eventually I want to ditch the scale and just not care!
I’ve gotta say that I’ve fallen into the hate my body trap too. I’ve always had self-esteem problems and as a young girl I would dwell on the way I looked and try every new ‘health’ fad that popped on tv or into my mother’s magazines. I would work out every night, then chug milk because it was supposed to build muscle and eliminate fat ( ummm coff-bullshit-coff). When I was 15 and started high school I started to have a lot of health problems and I was in pain every time I ate. I was afraid to eat because the digestive issues I had as a child had worsened and I couldn’t eat ANYTHING without being in pain. Coincidently, I started to lose weight. A definate upside from my POV! I was restricting my diet a lot at that point. And working out every morning before school. If I ate “too much” the day before I would cut my usual meals in half and work out twice as much to “make up” for it. It had turned into an obbsession. By the end of the year I had dropped to 102 pounds. (I’m 5’6.5”) AND WAS A MISERABLE b@#@%! It took me years to regain the weight and get my health back on track. But I still have that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not good enough. I NEED to be thinner. The obbsessive calorie counting of that time, combined with the emotional eating of my youth leads to a big headache most days. I’m still struggling. I guess my point is, being thinner doesn’t make you happier because it’s still the same person in your skin who was dissatisfied with who you are on something other than A physical level. And I’m sure you’re all smokin hot, so… well I wish I could offer some kind of inspirational moment that I’ve had but I still haven’t had mine. If I ever get to that point I’ll be sure to share. In the mean time all I can say is: good health and happiness is more beautiful than ANYTHING a plastic surgeon can ever give you! ;) Sorry for the long post.
quoted: ” If I ate
I agree so much with what everyone has to offer here, but dreaminraw, let me tell you, after pumpin out a few puppies, a plastic surgeon could possibly give me a bikini worthy tummy ;)
lol harmonylia. Twu Dat! ;)