Relationships!

MOTH

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I kinda wanted to talk about it…

I’m 25, been married for five years, and just got divorce papers a few days ago. My marriage got incredibly tense (more then usual) when my SAD meat-lover husband didn’t approve of my fasting and raw diet. He just seemed full of fear about it, but I continued on my path undaunted, and gradually this shift was the wedge that took us apart. We are just so different now, not just in diet, but in spirit too.

Anyway, I’m about to be single for the first time in a very long time, and I was wondering what the demographic was on Goneraw in regards to relationships. Not that I’m trying to hook up or anything, but mostly just curiousity. I sometimes can’t believe that I’m going to be divorced, but I’m trying to be optimistic about the future.

What about you guys?

MOTH

OH, and I’ve had this feeling that I might be gay. :-0

(which I’m sure contributed to my marriage ending in more ways then one)

queenfluff

I don’t know if this will help you but instead of feeling sad about being single (which can suck if you let it – I know how you feel – it is not always easy or fun to be single but it can be fun if you try!) why don’t you try and view the divorce as your opportunity to start on the life YOU really want to be living. Obviously you are going through some pretty heavy changes and you are a different person than you used to be and that is OK. People change – honestly if people didn’t change, the world would get really boring and nothing would get accomplished. And without change we can’t move forward to a better world. Change can be scary but it can also be fun and challenging.

Now, you can focus on the things YOU really care about and be your real self without feeling bad about your new decisions. And you can also “hook up” with people who are more like the new you – no matter who that new person is!

I have never been divorced since I don’t believe marriage is necessary. You should be able to be with who you want and not go through all that financial stuff. But I have lived with many long term bf’s (I live with one right now) so I can’t imagine marriage being any different. And to end a long term relationship, marriage or not, is hard – so cut yourself a break and give yourself time to get over it and focus on you.

It sounds like your husband wasn’t supportive of what you wanted to do so that isn’t good. He was probably just afraid of it because you are changing and doing something different – I am sure he is afraid of your drifting apart and that was why he wasn’t supportive – which is exactly what happened. But do you really want to be with someone who is NOT supportive of the things you want to do?

Anytime, I have ended a relationship with someone I knew it wasn’t going to work out with – I felt better because that meant I was no longer tied down to this person and that I could now go out and find someone new. I felt relieved that I recognized the bad relationship and ended it.

If anything, you should be looking forward to the fact that you will now to “free” to live as you wish and to be able to connect with someone new who will like you for who you are.

Anyhow, that is my helpful advice -I hope it makes you feel better. :)

coconutty

Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re optimistic about your future! Sorry to hear about the divorce but it sounds like you will be better off. You would be miserable living life with someone who couldn’t support your choices.

Me, I’ve been married for just over 5 years. I’m lucky in that my husband is my biggest supporter and our different views on eating haven’t caused us any major probs!!!

Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!

jenergy

I got married young, too. I was 19. We survived about 4 years, split up and got back together 3 times in the next 3 years, had a kid after 8 years together, split up and got back together AGAIN, and have been together ever since. This July will be 19 years… ack! That’s half my life! Heh.

I really think that getting married so young has it’s downsides, in retrospect. You’re not a fully developed person yet… at least I wasn’t. I had no idea who I was at 19, and I was kind of expecting my husband to make me complete. THAT doesn’t work. Haha… I’m almost 38 now, and I still figuring out who I am. (I wonder if that quest ever ends? I hope not! ;o)

Good luck, Moth. This is an opportunity for you, like others have said here. Your future is now wide open… scary, huh? But still, an opportunity.

Mon46

Moth, I really respect the fact that you decided to get out of a situation that wasn’t working. So many people stay out of fear of change and the unknown. You listened to that intuitive voice inside you and acted on it. I’m sure there is a lot of fear and uncertainty that is coming up, but trust that you are on your right path and that life will bring you good things. By leaving this relationship, you are saying “yes” to life. When I was your age, I wish I had listened to that voice. It took a lot of trial and error for me (many errors!) in the area of relationships. But that really had to do with how I felt about myself at the time. I gradually learned to listen to my inner voice and found a path of healing. My husband was my first real boyfriend. We split up (his doing, but neither of us were ready) and ran into each other again 4 years ago (after 17 years!)in a store. We’ve been together ever since and were married 2 years ago this June. He really is my person, and I am his. We have some differences in lifestyle (he is a meat eater), but he fully respects and is open to my choices. He even went to a holistic nutritionist recently. So again Moth, trust your decision and remain open. Good things are in store for you.

Winona

Mon46- what an amazing story! I’m amazed that after 17 years.. you married! wow.

i’m in my mid 20s, and i’ve dated my boyfriend for four years. i feel like we’re amazing together, but he’s not ready to verbally commit to us dating long term. (neither of us believes in marriage, but he acts even more uncertain about the future than i do). anyway, the way this relates to you, moth, is that it is hard to find solid ground/peace of mind/ relaxation in all of this uncertainty. I felt like my whole world was in upheaval because my boyfriends moving out. not breaking up, but moving possibly far far away for job reasons. it’s scary, but i kept meditating and reading “When things fall apart” by Chodron and talked to friends and counselors. What really helped was focusing SUPER hard on hobbies. let them obsess you! for me, it was raw food preparation, gardening, ballroom dancing, biking, kayaking, hiking, blogging, movie watching, and more. it consumes ALL of my free time and all of my mental capacity ( i also work full time!) just to balance all these activities! i do one or more of the above every day, and spend all my free time thinking about strategies to improve the activities when im not doing them. it’s helped – more than you can imagine. it empowers me. it makes me feel like i can stand on my own two feet. you can do this!