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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookHey everyone,
From my previous posts, you may know that I’ve had some trouble with my weight. Not overweight; just terrified of gaining a single pound. And I don’t watch the scale; I only see a scale once every month or so. I go by how my jeans feel on me and just generally…how I “feel.” I understand that my feelings may not always be an accurate reflection of reality, but they are very convincing to my inner world. I have stopped yoyo fasting and have gotten into the swing of what feels like ‘intuitive eating.’ I really like that concept and I notice that what I feel like eating, when and how much varies greatly from day to day. I have been biking about six miles a day, doing crunches and pushups and whatnot, a 40 minute vinyasa yoga, and so I know I’m being reasonably active.
I guess my problem continues to be that I am paranoid about my size, all the time, now that I am eating again. Basically, I am just worried about it more often then is warrented. I worry that my intuition is to eat too much food or something. I worry that I’m not doing enough exercise. I worry that being fruitarian (which I would like to stick to for awhile to see how it goes) and all that fruit (which I love and enjoy) will pack on the poundage or something.
I DON’T want to feel so obsessive about my size anymore. I don’t want to have my vital energy tangled up in “feeling fat today,” or anything like that. I’d like to feel secure in who I am, no matter what. I thought eating only fruit would help with this, but it just makes me paranoid about gaining weight. And when I eat lots of salad, I feel paranoid about gaining weight. So that makes it obvious: it’s not the food I’m eating, it’s ME.
So I’d like to get over this. I’d like to have trust in the food that I am eating, that I can eat it and not get worried that it’ll make me balloon.
I know it’s probably because of my SAD years and feeling bad for so long about what I ate that probably followed me to RAW.
I guess I’m just trying to get over this, and wanted to vent about where I was at.
Thanks for listening.
Comments
I think many of us have been in a similar place. I find if all i do is make sure my food is 100% raw and allow myself a few sips of coffee in the am if i want it or a glass of wine weekly, i don’t feel deprived of anything. When i try to achieve this kind of fruitarian perfection (not to knock it at all-but read G. Cousens’ book and you understand we are all different body chemistrys). What works for one may not work for all and fruitarianism made me feel that i was doing raw all wrong, even though i was losing weight and feeling great. I’ve since been 8 weeks very high raw and it’s exactly what will work for the long term for me—keeps all my cravings in check—i know if i want anything, i can make it raw. For me personally, fruitarianism squelches my creativity in the kitchen and is too boring for my palate—again just me. maybe put the scale away for awhile, enjoy the yogic movement that your body craves and enjoy the happy feelings that come with eating raw. your body while find where it needs to be for weight.
I’ve been there, am usually there. Ha ha. Eating as healthy as I can, making choices that harm no one else helps keep my conscious in check so I don’t feel guilt; and my regular yoga practice calms my mind and anxiety about it. If I practice yoga for half an hour every morning alone by myself (no dvd, no cd – just me), I feel no anxiety about my body at all (too bad I don’t get up every morning, but in general my several times a week practice makes me very much at ease). Just concentrate on what value it has besides the visual, and try to learn to grateful for that. I hope it gets better for you.