Hello,again!) I’ve been on a raw diet for some time(on and off) but recently tried to lose my weight and ate 200-600 cal a day(for 16 days).These days I was eating nothing but raw fruits and was drinking coffee and smoked like mad.But other days(smth. like for 20 days) I fell into terrible bingeing on SUCH UNHEALTHY POISONOUS foods like junk,sweets,breads and diary…I don’t know..To eat mostly raw I have to obtain SUCH a willpower which I don’t posess,I guess.I know that in order to lose weight I have to eat only raw.But it’s SOOO hard for me to do it,if I don’t drink coffee and smoke.If I don’t,I begin overeating(but overeating raw food is difficult though because I don’t have enough money to buy lots of raw foods). I don’t know…I love the feeling which comes to me when I eat only raw-no coffee,only 100% raw.Then I feel like in a fairy-tale or in a beautiful dream.To speak of beauty-if I eat raw,I become really beautiful so everyone notices it.But I repeat,still,it’s very difficult for me,because it’s so!Living with people who don’t eat raw,who aren’t even vegetarians and who’s fridge’s loaded with such crap and junk food all the time-that’s difficult!!!...It just frustrates me terribly.If I eat junk or cooked I feel terrible,then begin to use laxatives like mad.I don’t know what to do,really.I would give my everything to be 100% raw,to experience this great feeling. No,I don’t want to become raw gradually-I hate myself when I eat any junk or cooked. ...Any advice or support is greatly appreciated though…
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Thank you,Karuna.I think I just cannot be in harmony with myself and this world.Any problem,any slightly obstacle-and I feel like I need to do something in order to get distracted from difficulties.It’s sad but more often I do harm to myself in order to get distracted,even maybe I don’t fully realise it.I try to be always kind to others and it’s rare when somebody isn’t kind to me in response.But still,I feel so little confidence in myself,especially if there’s something wrong how I look or how I feel.I know,I have some eating disorder and it comes from the teenage years.When I was a teenager I was very lean.And then I began to gain weight.Then I was drinking alcohol(from 14 to 18 years).I was drinking very heavy…=)It’s not a joke and even my eyesight became worse.Now I’m 20 and as I recollect the past,I feel disgust to myself.Never I was conscious in my life…And now as I stick to really bad habits,I know that by this I can control my weight,my look in total.But also I know that using these bad tips I only aggravate my state because doing harm to my body it is not conscious.But there’s so much probability that I can fail(I can choose to eat cooked/junk) if I’m not conscious enough.I don’t want this to happen!I just really want to be pure out and inside.Eating raw for me it’s like making one deep breath that is eternal and makes me dizzy(in a good way=)).And that’s surely makes me happy.
Thanx,Flybaby.I’m trying to give up smoking…)Yes,it’s bad.I wouldn’t say I enjoy smoking-just psychologically got used to it.)