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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookI don't post on here often because I don't have the internet at home but should be getting it next week (yay) so I hope its ok to ask for advice even though I don't post much. Just have to say I love this site and all the recipes! Anyway I'm feeling so lost and alone right now I just wanted to let it all out and hopefully someone wise will have some advice for me?
Basically I found out about raw last year when I was travelling and thought it sounded the best thing ever. I've been vegan for years and never worried about what I was eating as long as it was vegan and was pretty healthy from that I think and a healthy weight (I'm 5ft tall and weighed 7.5-8 stone, varying all the time) but then when I started learning more about raw and thinking about it I became really concerned with what I was putting in my body. Because I was travelling I didn't decide to go raw straight away or anything but did cut out as much processed/junk food as I could, started to eat a lot more healthy whole foods when I could. And somewhere during this process I think I got close to getting a kind of eating disorder because if, for example, there was nothing vegan I could find to eat but crisps I would feel sooo guilty about eating the crisps. I got this idea in my head that anytihng 'bad' would make me fat but that as long as I ate healthily my body would be at its ideal weight. This applied to eating too much, I made sure I was only eating 3 meals a day and would feel guilty if I felt like I'd overeaten, for some reason I got it into my head that I'd been eating way too much when I probably never had and was controlling how much I ate, I think because I wanted to be this ideal of healthy that I was thinking I couldnt do right then so was trying to compensate or something...I dunno, it wasn't like taking over my life or anything but I definitely was getting some food control issues.
Then when I got home for Christmas I decided to go as raw as possible but thought more about whole foods. I started having a green smoothie every morning which made me feel amazing, and trying out raw recipes. I had cooked vegetables and potatoes and the odd cooked thing like bread but generally started to avoid cooked things and made loads of tasty fruit and nut creations which weren't 100% raw but were at least sugar free and I felt really excited and happy.
Then I moved into my new place and decided to go for it and go raw! I was so inspired by all these recipes and started planning out what I was going to make for each meal for each day. It just totally overwhelmed me after a while though as I was trying to sprout/dehydrate so much for so many different things, I just seemed to spend all my time making things that weren't even turning out right so decided to take a step back and simplify things a bit and also to really try and find a way which works for me. The thing is, the more I read and the harder I try, the less anything seems to work for me.
I've lost loads of weight, I now weigh 6 stone which I'm worried is unhealthily thin? I went home for easter and EVERYONE commented on how thin I was, I hadn't really thought about it but I really am looking skinny and haven't had a period in ages (I thought it was due to travelling but now I'm settled I don't think I have enough fat on me), and I have no idea what I can do to put some back on. I know I don't eat enough but I find it hard to know what to eat and when. I've read so many conflicting things I'm just afraid of everything in a way, I don't want to be having too much sugar, fat, dried food, things that aren't actually 100% raw....and I don't know how to balance it. I also feel like I have to plan in advance what I am going to eat so I know what to get in when I go shopping and then feel like I'm restricting myself or controlling what I'm eating too much. Sometimes I'll make something and it just won't make me feel good and I won't have anything I actually want to snack on then I'll feel like crap and usually end up either eating loads of raisins/nuts til I'm way past being full just to satisfy myself or just be hungry for ages.
Some things I have noticed are that
A green smoothie and juice first thing in the morning always make me feel amazing so I will never stop having this (I feel most unsettled when I don't have this)
Having fruit too late in the day or too much fruit in general makes my tummy all gassy and I think I'm full when I'm not and don't want to eat anymore
A meal thats mostly made of fats will make me sleepy. but equally eating fats make me feel good and make my face feel plumper (I know that sounds strange but its the only way I can describe it)
Whenever I eat something cooked (other than potato, Im ok with that) I get constipated and feel horrible and don't want to eat so will feel full after one bite of food, also flax has made me feel horrible in my lower belly after eating it and stopped me from wanting to eat.
I feel better eating lots of small amounts rather than 3 big meals a day.
I also realised I definitley don't get enough calories probably 90% of the time which is probably what makes me feel so down about things, but really don't know how to up the calories without it all being from nuts and seeds, dried fruit or having cooked potato sometimes which I don't really want to do because it doesnt give me that buzz that raw food does. Anyway I've been trying to plan for next week things I can make that I will just love and not care how much fat/sugar/whatever is in it just that I will enjoy and also make sure I have some kind of snack in the afternoon (so often I dont and hang onto my hunger and I think it makes my body think its starving itself, I feel so much better having a snack), and also in the evening...I know its not really good to snack in the evenings but I got given some raw chocolate for easter which Ive had in the evenings and I do feel a bit better for eating more. But it just all seems so hard, I don't seem to have the ability to eat just what I want when I want I keep getting so worried about it and still am controlling what to eat. Also, I never know what to snack on apart from fruit which like I said doesn't always make me feel great, or veggies that don't do much for upping my calories.
Oh yeah it sounds like I'm finding raw crap but I'm not I LOVE raw food and half the time I feel amazing and energised and like life is wonderful, its just the other half I don't and I really want this to work for me but am struggling to find something that works that will not cause me to lose any more weight. I think I jumped into raw too fast but my body really reacts to cooked things now (like some split peas I had at easter that gave me a horrible tummy upset and caused me to eat less again) and I'm scared of eating some cooked rice or something and it disagreeing with me. I also like the idea of eating sprouted grains but I had some sprouted wheat bread that I know wasnt raw but it really gave me a horrible indigestion and constipation, and I sprouted quinoa which did the same thing for me. I was ok with sprouted buckwheat except I've felt better since I cut out grains for a while. I've never had problems with cooked grains like oats or rice though. I almost feel a bit sad that so many things are disagreeing with me since I discovered raw to add things to my diet really not to cut out so much, now I feel like I can't have a big cooked meal because it'll make me feel terrible and I know I should be thinking about my health and what I'm doing to my body but I don't think I was really ready to make such a big step away from what I've been used to.
Basically I want to stop obsessing about food so much but I can't and its so hard to know whats best for me. I feel so lonely too becasue here I don't know any other vegans let alone raw foodists and have no one to speak to about whats going on with my body (my boyfriend is lovely but its not the same as someone whos doing the same thing.) Oh and I feel like because I'm always thinking about how to eat whats going to make me feel good, and be enough food, now I don't spend as much time thinking about doing things that are good for the planet which is what I was much more concerned about as a regular vegan...I'm just thinking about me me me. And probably living less sustainably because I'm buying so many bananas and oranges :-(
I'm sorry this is long I just needed to let it out. Thank you for taking the time to read it and if anyone has any advice for me and how to stop worrying/obsessing and how to make sure I eat enough I would be sooo grateful!
Comments
I feel a lot better since typing that all up and a bit more positive about things, I think part of the problem was a not very filling or nice lunch. I hope its ok to send such a long post.