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Worried about my mom.

edited September 2011 in Family

My mom has been very overweight ever since I can remember, and whenever I bring up her health, she turns it around and says how bad my health is. I'm just worried about her and want to know how to get through to her. I feel that I'm being selfish because I want her to lose weight, but I just can't imagine her not being in my life. Do any of you have experience with overweight family members or if I can do anything to help?? She hates exercise as well and won't go for walks with me

: (

ps- She thinks the raw diet, veganism, and vegeterianism are a waste of time, so any tips for that approach would help.

Comments

  • Sorry to say it, but no one can change any body else. Just love her and let her be. Perhaps, in time, she will see what raw does for your health, and may be inspired by that. But trying to coax someone, will only make a person turn away, unless they are ready to hear it, in their own time.

  • start her on green smoothies. make one with pineapple and spinach and put it in a stainless steel bottle (so she can't see the color). Get her on those ans she may see the "green" light. : )

  • I understand where you are coming from. Family can be such a pain in more ways than one.

    Mine Even tho you can tell I am breathing better and the color in my face ( after years of them complaining about me) my weight is finally up to normal ( they used to call me names for being tooo thin)

    I cant and could not get my family to listen. although My daughter has put her kids on a gluten free diet because one has bad tummy pains and the other a huge rash. but she still had to go thru all the doctors and test BEFORE she would listen to me and of course they could not help them..

    My dad had cancer and said before he would try anything he would see how it worked for me, he died

    My sister, mom, brother all died. My sister said she would not eat organic becuase they taste like dirt!

    i have one brother left and tho he says he sees my point it is not for him. but then he is a cop in a bad county and i more less see he dying of a car reck or gun shot. he said he might if he ever gets cancer but maybe just enjoy what he has left and die.

    daughters one sick and one over weight, mother in law hooked on meds and great depression with 3 suicide attempts.

    my husband does try but he doesnt see the point

    I was sick my whole childhood until in my late thirties when I started finding out things on my own and they did nothing but cut me down. Then since I was able to help myself they still see me as the strange one with weird ideas

    I could go on and on with this about my niece and all but the point is you are never going to get them to change so try to accept your mom and love her for who she is for as long as you have her. Hopefully something will were off you and land on her. if not ok life does not last for long

    I wish there was an answer to make them see

    Hugs

  • thank you so much for your comments, guys.

    this morning, i made a strawberry-banana-spinach smoothie and she actually tried it!! this may not seem so big, but she has never tried anything i've made. i could've cried right there on the spot. she also told me that she does get defensive when i talk about her weight, and she will make healthier choices from now on.

  • Some people might not agree with me --- and thats fine. But if your mom is not WILLING to even try veg, raw or vegan then turn her to the Weston Price Foundation -- Nourishing Traditions book by sally fallon. It's a better way to consume meats and dairy -- a "healthier way" u could say. It would be a nice start for her without making her giving up what she wont.

  • Don't push it, let her taste some of the most fabulous raw foods there are and she may fall in love with it. I've recommended my overweight parents to eat more fruits which they do. They can't skip cookies, pies and coffee though but they do agree with me on the issue - it's just that they can't bring themselves to actually making the change. Too attached to sweets of all sorts and coffee. They'll happily have whatever I prepare when I'm there and they usually enjoy my foods and believe most of what I say about food and health. However, I live 700 miles from them and visit them once or twice a year. I understand them - I used to be a sugar addict, one pound of chocolate a day. I want to enjoy myself and be a good example of how natural and healthy food combine with mental energy and happiness into an enjoyable and happy life; by thriving encourage others to change their lives into something better. I tend to become a bit sarcastic though, especially concerning western medicine, which is not good as sarcasm doesn't come from love and puts people on their guard. So I'm working on my own emotional barriers and seeking inner peace and clarity which I believe will radiate and help my parents and others see why a natural way of life is good for everyone and everything.

  • In my experience, people are more inspired by the person delivering the message than they are by the content of the message. Who you are is more important than what you say. From what I can tell, you live your life and your values authentically...this is all you have to do for now. Just be your beautiful caring self all the time. Even so, you can't "save" someone or change them, no matter how much you love them. (You have an additional issue because of the dynamic of the parent/child relationship, plus you're still young so it's tough to earn the respect.)

  • Perhapes show her some "miracle story" weight loss & health videos off of youtube? Thats what sucked me in.

  • My mom and stepdad are like that. Even my cousins, grandmother, and sister. Everyone's right: you can't change other people. The best you can do is keep yourself happy and hope that spurs them to take healthier action.

    Good luck!

  • My dad. I love him so much but his weight and how much he eats scares me. He wants to eat better but he says nothing works for him. Talking too him doesn't usually do much, I don't think he understands how scared I am. I do talk to him though and pray for him to care about himself, even if it selfish that I just want my dad to live forever. I understand what you're going through. I hope she learns from what youre doing, if anything me doing this makes my dad see that he does need to change something.

    http://kaitlynmarie.webs.com/recipesfortheheart.htm

  • Just love her.

    That is all you can do. Clearly, she knows about your lifestyle and diet, and she is aware that you are ready and willing to help. When she is ready, she will ask you.

    Continue to lead by example, offer her tastes of your food, and talk about how this lifestyle is benefitting/has benefitted you. Just don't pressure her or expect her to change because you are asking her to. That is setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Everyone heals in their own time - and some people never do. But that is their choice, and we must respect personal choice even if we disagree with it.

  • Raw Mamma Nibbles- I think that is a great suggestion.

  • The best thing we can do is to live by example. People are sometimes not ready for change. Be supportive if she brings it up, but don't push it on her. She may come around, but it may have to be on her own terms.

  • It is really hard sometimes to have other people recommended diet changes--it is so easy to be defensive. Just be patient that over time, she might become more open to new ideas. The percieved "extremeness" of totally raw or vegan can seem so out of reach to someone eating conventional food.

    I just took a road trip with my 74 year old father. This man is so fit and with it, but I was appalled at what he was eating--commercial chocolate milk and cinnamon pastries and bear claws, burgers...I seriously have to believe he eats better at home! He used to LOVE fresh fruit and I was walking (driving) around with a huge tupperware of fresh strawberries, plums and having watermelon for bfast--and I couldn't get him to touch a plum :( Until finally, he took one...then suddenly at the next stop he said...hey, that plum you had was pretty good :) then he ended up eating all the plums.

    It takes time and allowing the other people space to come to terms with the ideas "on their own' (ie set an example without pushing).

  • The only way ive found that works is to keep encouraging them to change little by little. Unless you dedicated radical dietary and health changes such as SAD diet to raw vegan is impossible for most. Get her to start adding in more fruit, cooking fresh healthy meals that still taste good. Whilst encouraging her to get some exercise daily.

    It wont come all together at once, but you could try make her aware that being even marginally overweight sets you up for diseases such as diabetes, stroke, heart disease and many other degenerative diseases which can be prevented with a more healthy lifestyle.

    http://www.amlaberry.co.uk

  • My mom's actually the same way. She loves pointing how how "chubby" some of our relatives have gotten when she sees photographs of cousins she hasn't seen in a couple years, but she's gained over 20 pounds in the last year alone. When I try to bring it up, I get yelled at or told I've gained weight myself.

    Frustrating. I try to show her stuff like this, but I doubt she's reading it. http://www.sweetwheat.com/sweet-wheat/diabetes-patients-and-wheatgrass

  • sorry but bringing up peoples weight is going to make them defensive. I know it's worrying, I've got overweight family members too, but I never discuss with them because I know they won't listen. Probably moreso because I'm a vegan, they think that I'm going to try to make them do something they don't want to do so they shut down. Of course an unhealthy person doesn't want to hear hard truths from a health enthuiast, probably because they know they have a problem but cannot fathom vegan/raw ideals. They are better off having advice from someone more on their level (in terms of ideals and beliefs in regards to food), or discovering their own journey when they are motivated to do it. You might even be making the situation worse by talking to your mother about her diet - I know when my mum gets on my back about something that she thinks is right for me but I don't, my first instinct is to rebel against her. Just a thought :)

  • I agree its an issue where you need some tact and the tough love method has rarely worked from what ive seen. But its an issue that shouldn't be ignored either, ive known so many overweight people who have gone on to develop diabetes, heart disease and other complications as a result of poor lifestyle and diet that wished they had just been given a boot up the bum and had some motivation and dedication.

    That doesn't even mean someone has to go vegan nor raw either, more activity daily, gently introducing some walking if they have been sedentary would be the first good idea, more fruits and vegetables, cooking or making meals from fresh rather than relying on processed foods which automatically makes more meals healthier and without all the garbage and so on.

    Many of those who struggle with being overweight or are obese have underlying mental problems and in some cases again you'll need tact here but suggesting some form of counseling ive often seen a beneficial outcome. Food can be very addictive, especially processed and junk food and breaking those bad habits for some can be extremely difficult.

    I know many people who have struggled with there weight all there life and believe they've tried everything to lose weight with no result or only temporary, then ive shown them a few small tweaks to there lifestyle/diet and some gradual results can often re-instate that it can be there goal can be achieved and it keeps them motivated. Alot of the problem is these crazy diets and information in these woman magazines. I sometimes read these when at friends and some of the information is down right dangerous and silly. Many silly crazy diets endorsed by what ever flavor of the week what celeb is trying, maple syrup diets, all one fruit etc. Its no wonder some fail rather than just following a healthy lifestyle.

    Amla

  • There are many diets and with help of them you can improve health of your mom. Not only veganism is the only good path.

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