I am eating raw now. Not %100 percent as I've learned that agave nectar and braggs are dead...I've also been drinking like a fish. I've never been really heavy but I am the fattest person in my family and the most dysfunctional. I watched a video today of some famous raw athlete/model foodist and was drawn by their high sense of living. I WANT to stop killing myself. I do it every day. I hate that I'm destroying my brain and my desire to function with this alcoholism. I just find everything more fun with it. I love raw food. I could live on salad forever. I just want this to destroy my self hatred. There is so much to hate though! I am a sinful bag of pain and though I would never take my own life I can still hope to be killed!
I've been vegetarian since last spring break. I've had a few run ins with surprise meat in my soup or salad which never ended well. Along with being an alcoholic I' m bulimic! Isn't this fun?! I suppose they are a little hand in hand. I am just hoping that someone can join the small part of me that says it's going to be ok. I can fake chipper all day long but my soul is at ends with itself. I don't want to outlive my family, I guess that holds me back a little. I just have a great deal of worry in my heart.
Mary Grace
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Thank you for the kind responses!
80'10'10 is extremely appealing from what I've been reading all weekend. This doesn't include nuts though does it? My only issue with 811 is that I really enjoy preparing food. I haven't been able to make any of the cool recipes on this site for a lack of equipment but I broke down and got a cheap blender tonight. Just had apple/carrot/spinach sludge and it was surprisingly spicy.
I'm feeling a little better. Going to try tonight to put myself down to rest sans pint of vodka OR benadryl. I have not slept well all week. Is this any kind of normal? I'll wake up at 2 to 4 am and lie there waiting for my alarm. I'm just really stressed and emotionally sapped. I talked to a marine recruiter and I kind of want to be a Medevac helicopter pilot. I can't imagine shooting a gun at a person and I'm sure that vegans or even vegetarians are probably nonexistent in the marines. I could be wrong about that. I'm just in the I don't know boat! I'll look into groups, maybe work up the courage to go. I plan to keep eating as raw as possible and hope to get a full nights sleep and feel a little better.
Peace, love