Trying and Frustrated

So I have been mostly raw for the last month and have made my son, who is 8, mostly raw with me. I believe I stumbled upon this lifestyle b/c I was looking for a way to heal his breathing w/o surgery. They say his adenoids are swollen, but I don’t want them removed. I bought him an air purifier and I altered his diet (no more dairy but more raw food). His breathing is MUCH better. But he spent the last two days eating with Great Grandma and Grandma. They find it a little funny that I am “on a raw food kick now”. I am the lone vegetarian as it is. They are making jokes about calling me in for child abuse b/c I give my kids salad practically every afternoon and night with whatever else they are eating. Well, they fed my son Krispy Kreme donuts, ravioli, oatmeal, sausage, and more crap, crap, crap! So now he suffers. His breathing sounded AWFUL tonight! It is hard to go to sleep when you are wondering if your son will breathe through the night. I am quite annoyed. I am thinking about doing a juice fast with him (he and I together) for a few days. This is safe enough for children, isn’t it? Would that be the fastest way to clear his system? I read months ago about dairy causing mucus. Tonight I read up on wheat and other processed crap causing mucus. So dairy is not the only culprit, huh? I am so SO ANNOYED.


  • jenergyjenergy Raw Newbie

    You have every right to be annoyed, in my opinion. This is just my opinion, but I believe that as mothers (my son is 9) it’s our responsibility to stand up for the well-being of our children no matter what the obstacles. Of course we can’t be hovering over them 24-7 making sure they always eat the right things (unfortunately) Your family needs to be aware that feeding your son certain things can be detrimental to his health. I’m sure they wouldn’t give him foods he was allergic to or that they knew would harm him, so it’s probably a good idea to have a heart-to-heart talk with them, as non-confrontationally (sheesh, is that a word?) as possible, and just let them know that you’ve seen a definite difference in his breathing when he’s not consuming dairy and the like. They love him too, and I’m sure once they understand that this isn’t just a “kick,” – it’s more like nutritional medicine or something – they’ll be more careful about the foods they give him. They were probably just showing their love by giving him all the yummy stuff he doesn’t get at home, know what I mean? I get the same kind of resistance from well-meaning family members sometimes. Patience and love, that’s the only advice I can give. Lots of patience, especially. But when it comes to your son’s health and ability to breathe… well, don’t give up. Best of luck to you. :o)


  • jenergyjenergy Raw Newbie

    Oh, and also… there’s so much good information online about nutrition and the dettrimental effects of processed foods & dairy – maybe they’d be open to reading some of the things you find, either printed out or emailed to them? Just a thought. I often find that I’m not as articulate as I’d like to be when trying to explain something to someone (especially if I’m feeling a little intimidated by their skepticism) and written “backup” is really helpful. I’d approach them from the angle of their love for your son and wanting the best for his health. OK, lecture over! Haha… just suggestions, of course. :o)

  • Thanks jenergy. I will have that talk with them… as soon as I calm down. You are right- I am sure they were showing him “love” through food and meant no harm. It is my husband’s family and they grew up on “meat and potatoes” so my going vegetarian was wierd enough for them. Now the “raw kick”. Yet, they are the ones suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure, went through cancer, lack energy, etc. But I am the weird one because I don’t want to eat dead animals or other foods that make my stomach feel icky! But maybe I will print out some articles for them to read in their leisure!

  • rawmamarawmama Raw Newbie

    UGH :( Same here, one set of Grandparents doing the same childish, selfish, inconsiderate acts of unkindness when it comes to food, you are not alone :) I even had Dr.s orders once for her to have NO sugars…they gave her a large sprinkle doughnut for breakfast, literally laughing while they told us how fast she ate a doughnut AFTER her big bowl of junky cereal! ARGGGGGG!!! She was 3 years old…how can a 3 year old say no? They have to respect your wishes. You might want to call them and let them know that as a result of their choices in food for your son, your son has been having extreme difficulty breathing, then give them silence, and let them comment. Whatever they say, you calmly say, “I am his Mother, he is my responsibility, and his health is my responsibility, not yours. If you cannot respect my wishes when it comes to his health then he will not be able to be with you alone.” It might rock a boat, but sometimes it needs rocking. I pray that he’s doing ok and you too. Funny how our doctor’s and parent’s always said…you have to eat your fruits and vegetables! Now we are and they make fun of it? Weird…just weird…maybe that’s how people get when they get old…rebellious almost, defiant? Breath deep, forget about them, don’t leave your son alone with them again, avoid it if you can so you can avoid this happening again. A visit with you along is different and controlled and maybe they’ll figure that out unless you have to someday tell them in a kind way somehow. By the way, great idea on finding info online about the effects of foods and how they can effect him. I’d forget approaching the entire “raw” topic because they just don’t get it…they just don’t get it…they just don’t get it. ;) Don’t waste your breath on that, just keep healthy, keep your child healthy, say you are avoiding meat and dairy and show them the papers “why” you are avoiding them, then change the subject. :) As far as fasting, I do not know about a 100% juice fast for a child, but you could do a lot of juicy fruit as watermelon and raw vegetable soups, smoothies, and of course juices. That way he’d get some fiber also throughout the day. Coconut water seems to have a lot of healing properties to it from what I’ve been reading, maybe you can look into that in addition to the rest?

  • Hi rawmama! Yeah, I was thinking smoothies and juices. We could try soups too though. It doesn’t help that he is a picky eater. As for the grandmas—they only live around the corner. His cousins are in town and that is why he wanted to spend the night this time. But I have known them forever! It is like they are my own mom and grandmother. (I lived next door to my husband when I was 13-14). Our parents were friends. So I have to approach them like I would my own family, because they are my family. But it doesn’t make it any less frustrating! I will definitely tell them about his inability to breathe when they returned him to me. But you are right. If they cannot respect my wishes, they cannot take him anywhere. He is the one suffering. Just a few weeks ago, I was with my m-in-law and my s-in-law and my son. We stopped by the mall. My m-in-law and son went in to take care of a bill. He wanted food (of course) and I said he was not to come back w/ anything except a salad. She bought him chicken nuggets AND she gave him money! I don’t care if he had a fit in the food court! She should have gotten him NOTHING instead of negotiating with him and buying him CHICKEN and giving him BRIBE MONEY! And you are right. No need to get into a RAW discussion since they will not get it. It is good to know I am not alone!

  • Hi wanna_b_raw,

    This is very disturbing to me that other adults are going against your wishes and feeding YOUR kid food that is making him sick.

    This is not a joke. They need to be confronted seriously about their reasoning problems and deficiencies, and basic cruelty they feel they need to inflict on this child. If he was a diabetic would they just hold his insulin out of arms reach and laugh when he went into epileptic fit and diabetic coma?

    Not being able to breathe is serious. Ask them if they know that he cannot even qualify for insurance- life insurance, disablity insurance, etc as an adult if he is diagnosed with chronic breathing difficulties?

    At this point they are basically forcing him to have surgery. Many kids have had the surgery and been ok but what if he isn’t? What if something happens that could have been avoided by simply not giving him dunkin doughnuts! Do they know that a certain percentage of children bleed to death because the scab comes off in their throat a couple days after surgery?

    My dads brother went into the hospital as a child and caught something in the hospital that basically ruined his life. It was an antibiotic resistant bacteria. He has scars from the infection, became sterile from the drugs, became diabetic, etc. 100,000 people die every year from infections they catch in the hospital.

    I just read something on the correlation between adenoid and tonsil infection and specific diseases. I don’t have the link right now but there is current research being done on this that is very eye opening and will probably prove that the procedure is basically barbaric to cut a kids throat because he is having problems. And removing this part of the anatomy can reduce the disease fighting ability of his lymph system in his future.

    My mom had her tonsils out as a child and guess what she got? Lymph cancer.

    Not that everyone who gets their tonsils out will get cancer- but I bet a lot do- there is a correlation.

    Here is a link that talks about immunity. They recommend echinacia as a supplement. Also also, ginsing, and ginger are all great things to put in a smoothie to help.

    Here is another link that is pretty interesting concerning dairy and the diseases it leads to.

    I hope you can get through to them, because anything that obstructs a childs breathing is nothing to joke about.

    *Other things you could add to his diet are walnuts, brazil nuts, and almonds- they are high in zinc which helps fight infection, and immunity issues. I would try to up his nutrition in vitamins first and these particular nutrients. Then if he is still suffering, do an elimination diet. Something like this usually includes brown rice and even beans but since he has been eating such unhealthy stuff the fiber in beans would really help clean out the system. Also pears are very high in fiber as a base for smoothies.

    Look into the cronometer or other reference for nutrition info if you can and make a list (in excel program if possible) of what they were feeding him and what a typical day is for you. This could help calm their fears that he isn’t getting enough protein- even though the number on this varies quite a bit. Show them how much bad fat they are feeding him, white flour that is void of nutrients, and their other choices for him that are high in sugar and salt.

    Have they ever watched the TV show, “Honey we’re Killing the Kids!”? It actually shows how badly “normal” parents are feeding their kids. Ketchup is basically pure sugar, and high fructose sugar at that- etc. I was suprised that the nutritionist was putting those kids on vegetarian diets.

  • rawmamarawmama Raw Newbie

    That does make it tough living so close to them, maybe you could bring along a bag with the snacks/fruit that you’d be ok with him eating if he asks for something to eat? Cut up an entire watermellon onto wedges so everybody can eat it :) Maybe you could make something or find something super special for him that he can eat while he’s at Grandma’s house, like dates with almonds tucked in them or coconut rolled dates, or trail mix, or homemade granola bars…something that they might like too ;) That way he’s being offered something that is “special at Grandma’s house” and not his normal everyday food he eats at home…better yet…if you found a recipe for homemade granola or some other treat, buy the ingredients, give the ingredients and recipe to his Grandmother and ask if she’d make them with your son or for your son as a treat? If it’s something that he LOVES that would probably bring her joy and hopefully she’d be into making more for him in the future???

    Writeeternity, some great, but scary facts in your note, those would be the types of facts that would stop me from doing anything that would encourage surgery for sure! It is sooooo scary! I know people that have had their gallbladder’s removed because of the pain they had eating certain foods (junk) and they now have…horrible problems eating foods! They didn’t eliminate the problem, they concentrated it, made the problem worst because doing anything that would include detox is much more difficult :(

  • omshantiomshanti Raw Newbie

    wow! so much to learn! a friend of mine had her gall blader removed because of discomfort, her sisters had it done too, she now is so nausious all the time she hardly eats. The sadest part is she is thrilled with the weight loss…

    My mammaw would aways go against my moms wishes when i was little as far as what foods and when, but i had no health problems,and we only saw them every two years on home leave…i think about that now and wonder why she would do that…my moms mom never did that, even though she was a wonderful baker! must be why we would only spend two weeks with mammaw and 6 weeks with gran! ;) I often see the disrespect in familys in my line of work, spouse to spouse, parent to child, grand parent to …well…. everyone! its a strange and horrible phenom. What happended to “If you dont have anything nice to say…..”

  • Thanks for the info. writeeternity! We will probably be going to their house today and I have enlisted my husband’s help. It is HIS mom, afterall. But we also told my son he has a slight responsibility too. I found out he also had chocolate COW’S milk at Wendy’s. He KNOWS he should not have COW’S milk. But he is just a kid and they LOVE to get away with things when they are with grandma!

    rawmama- I probably will always go to her house with food for him now. I doubt they will make anything together. Half of the problem is that his grandmas (great grandma and grandma live together) don’t cook much anymore. They just eat out, usually fast food. His grandma was never much of a cook. My husband grew up on spaghetti-o’s (YUCK!) and cereal. He says he decided he had to marry me the first time I cooked him a real meal! LOL It is a little hard to come up with snacks for my son. He is such a picky eater. He will have practically any fruit in a smoothie. But he will eat only apples in their whole state. We have made flax crackers. He likes those with hummus. We might try to make a granola bar this week. We are trying Storm’s Nut loaf tonight. We might try Storm’s mashed potatoes with mushroom gravy to go along with it. I don’t think my own mom would ever do these things. It is just so disrespectful. I hate that my son feels like he can’t be like everyone else and wants so badly to eat those things that are not good for him. But! We live about an hour away from Richmond and I saw on another forum that they opened a raw restaurant there! He LOVES to eat out! I will treat him to the raw restaurant for being such a good sport!

  • spiritedmamaspiritedmama Raw Newbie

    W.B.R. (and rawmama, and others too…) You are certainly NOT alone! Now that my family is going raw, we are meeting ALOT of resistance from my husband’s family. I will not get in to it here…but to make a long story short, sadly we have had to put our foot down and do the extreme…tell my MIL that they will not be seeing our children because they do not respect our parenting choices (not just in the raw dept., but that is a big part of it). It breaks my heart to have to go to such extreme measures, but I have to look out for my son and daughter first. If I ruffle some feathers, it is THEIR problem, not mine. I am the mother. It is my job to protect, care, and love my children. What could be more important than making sure they are healthy and happy?

  • Yes, you are going to have to be firm. We just stayed at my GIL’s and i basically brought my own fruit and veggies or bought some. She would be like oh.. i made bacon and sausage. I’d be like well.. we are eating fruit. SHE KNOWS. My nephew was like “why did you make sausage?” Then GIL said.. “well, i guess cuz i’m trying to make you fat.”

    Yeah, so they realize… but they just need to be taken off the pedastal sometimes.

  • rawmamarawmama Raw Newbie

    Would you offer a beer to an alcoholic? What is so taboo about a child wanting to eat fruit and vegetables? Why is that so “weird”? I have to laugh, a child in my daughter’s class eats hotdogs every single day. My daughter said, “sometimes she gives me a piece of her hotdog, she has one everyday for lunch. What’s in a hotdog Mommy?” I told her and said that’s why we don’t eat them, and she gasped and said, “OH NO!!! I’m going to have to tell her to STOP EATING HOTDOGS RIGHT AWAY!!!!” I told her that it’s really up to her Mom what she eats (thinking, here comes the phone call from an angry Mom who loves the convenience of throwing a tuberculosis sandwich into her kids lunch, but hey, I was only telling her the truth and maybe the Mom doesn’t know? Some people just have no clue until you tell them), I just suggested that she could make the decision to say no thank you and offer her some of her fruit if she wanted to, and she really does, normally has grapes or strawberries to share. Funny how a, then,5 year old can react like that. Tonight she asked what a carcass was. I told her and she was so grossed out, we were reading a book about Martha the talking dog asking for the carcass at the family dinner LOL! Give them a strong, fun, health foundation, make it fun for sure, and they’ll get it, they might stray away from it sometimes, but it’s in their minds for good :)

    Spirited mama, I have to tell you, that would be my move precisely should the situation ever continue on and on with our kids and Grandparents. Let’s just say that those sleep-overs are far and few between now…they’ve gotten better about the no meat, still mention how gross almond milk is (and our daughter loves it, they’ll say that over and over in front of her…duh), but have backed down on the doughnuts since then ;)

  • spiritedmama: I have seen many of your other posts and have wondered how you deal with being the only raw one in your house? How did you get your kids and husband to follow your lead? Right now, only my son and I eat raw. We are by no means 100% yet. My daughter is a preteen and she does not want to eat raw. But she is an animal lover, so I told her what they do to cows. Don’t think she will be eating any more hamburgers!

    Weazelchef: Yeah, I just told my husband last night that the next time we go over to grandma’s house (which is usually weekly), I will be bringing my son a salad or fruit to blend into a smoothie!

    rawmama: That is a great story! It’s funny. A few years ago, my son was SOOO constipated and we had to give him an enema TWICE (not fun). We took him to the doctor and they gave us a prescription for different things. Grandma (his great grandma)said he needed to eat more greens. Grandma and my MIL talk about how bad his breathing was getting (taking Singular and Rhinocort). I take him off the dairy and he breathes better. Grandma respects my wishes. It is my MIL that really gives him whatever he wants. She eats crap and fed my husband crap as a boy. I guess it is only natural that she would try to feed my son crap! But here is the REAL kicker: The cousins that are staying at Grandma’s house- the girl CANNOT have milk, nuts, strawberries, seafood, etc. b/c she is allergic. Neither one of them eat beef or pork, because that is how they are being raised. They were vegetarians a few years ago. Do you think they gave the girl milk to drink? Do you think she is eating strawberries with pecans right now as I type? Do you think the boy got a double cheeseburger when they went to Wendy’s and gave my son chocolate milk? Just because I don’t have a doctor’s note saying he is allergic? Just because a supposed authority didn’t say he was allergic? Dairy did not come back as one of his allergies when we went to the allergist. (But my dog did!). BUT I see the difference when dairy went out of his diet! Less mucus and NO MORE GAS! Of course, he had gas yesterday, due to the dairy consumption! I am trying to figure out what I can pack into his lunchbox coming next school year? He drinks smoothies, but does not eat fruits whole (except apples and occasionally grapes). I have packed him salad before. Is there anything else I could pack? I have been trying to keep him raw through breakfast and lunch. He eats half raw at dinner (usually a salad with his dinner).

  • We tried Storm’s nutloaf last night but did not like it. The mashed potatoes were good. My son ate that with the mushroom gravy posted on this website. I am making up a granola bar recipe today. Will keep you posted on how they turn out!

  • spiritedmamaspiritedmama Raw Newbie

    Wanna_B_raw: I was the only raw in my family for almost 1 year. My daughter was mostly raw, but my husband and son were die-hard cooked food eaters. It was a little by accident that I got them to go raw. I read alot of books and when I find somthing interesting, I always share it with my husband. When I would read something interesting in my raw books, websites, etc. I would share it with him. He is a very scientific guy, and as the “evidence” kept being presented to him, he felt compelled to try raw with our whole family. It was especially important for our son he felt because raw has been shown to help with behavioral, attentional, etc. problems. (our son is 13, and we have had a pretty intense ride with him since birth). My son was raw for 2 weeks, and we saw some pretty dramatic results, so that was proof enough for my husband. Now, of course because my husband and son are still new to raw, they do slip up at times. But, we already only at whole, unprocessed foods for 7 years + before moving to this lifestyle, so when they slip up, it is still MUCH better than the average SAD-er. Also, I will mention that we do go out to eat once a week and at that time, they can choose whatever they want on the menu. So far this has worked out pretty nice in their transition process, and allowed them to stick to raw for the week. I am sure that as there body loves raw more and more, that their desire to eat out will diminish, or at least switch to a raw choice at the restaurant.

    Also, my mother has been doing raw with us for over a month now and is having great results with her diabetes and weight loss.

    Rawmama: yes, this was a drastic move that I did not want to make, but my MIL and FIL were actually telling my son that we were wrong for eating raw (among other parenting choices, such as attachmemt parenting). So, we had to make the decision to limit their contact with our children because we noticed alot of combatant/argumentative behavior from our son after he would stay with them. I feel very sad about having to do this, because I feel family is so important. But, I think that the disrespect they are showing me and my husband is just not acceptable. My husband is the one who fist made the decision, and I fought it and fought it, but in the end there was no other way. At least not now.

  • Thank you for sharing spiritedmama! It makes me feel a lot better! I am not 100% raw by any means, but I am more raw today than I was a few months ago! I have been vegetarian for almost three years, and now I find myself transitioning to vegan. I thought I would NEVER give up cheese, but I am only eating soy cheese now and have decided, no more seafood for me. My husband is slowly transitioning to vegetarian, so that is a start. He eats WAY LESS chicken than he used to. We only buy ONE pack every Sunday. He puts it on his salads. Well, I will continue with my raw journey in hopes that my son’s breathing problems reverse! And hopefully, the rest of my family will eventually join me! Thanks again!

    And I spoke with my MIL and great grandma. GG is fine. She wants to know more, but she does respect my wishes. Funny how she use to complain that my son did not eat enough veggies and ate too much starch. Now I say he is going vegan and raw, she wants to know where he will get protein and calcium! He spent the night w/ them on Monday night. He took his breakfast with him!

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