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Negative mother about raw

I’m not sure but probably most of you at some point of your raw food begining had people against the way you were eating. I started in June and some of my friends thought I was nuts, but eventually they stayed my friends and accepted me just the way I am probably because I never forced them to eat how I eat, and answer questions when every they ask. BUT!!!!!

I have a major problem with my mother!! She is so negative, against me, thinks I’m going to die, does not belive a word I say, and insults me to no end! I know she cares about me, worries and loves me. But when I talk to her everyday I hear “you’re not taking enough vitamins, you’re going to ruin your body, you’re malnurished, you are not the same, etc etc”

I am starting to avoid her calls and feel depressed about this. I’ve even taken her advice and started reading books against raw and that has been very upsetting. I love the way I feel eating raw and I say to myself, that is all that matters right now. I don’t live near my mother and she’s coming to visit me in December, so crossing my fingers she’ll notice a big difference in me from eating raw.

I did send her a recent photo of me and she told me my hair looks horrible (since 3 weeks ago, I stopped shampoo & conditioner). I lost too much weight, etc. From my friends and my boyfriend they love the change, I get complimented from people I don’t know about my hair saying it’s so curly.

I don’t know what to do to convince my mother, she has never been this negative about me and my decisions, but it’s really bumming me out and I can’t get her to listen, understand and just let me be happier!

Does anyone have a similar problem like me?

Comments

  • Much of what your mom is saying could come from some fears of loosing certain bonds with you. For my mom and grandparents, there are so many dishes that I grew up loving that I no longer crave or eat. Loosing the ability to make your favorites might be a bit of an adjustment. Honestly, one of the reasons Ray and I started talking about creating Gone Raw was so that we could send our families a link to begin understanding our new diet. And, it has really helped quite a bit (my non-vegetarian, non-raw parents have even tried a few recipes). I guess the point is that, if you are happy, healthy and take it slow with your mom, she’ll get used to your diet eventually. You might even find some new favorite recipes together.

  • Hi Dee! I hope you can get through this with her. You sound like a really nice person but sometimes you can be too nice. I would just tell her that if she wants to see a clean bill of health from a Dr. you will show it to her but that’s the end of the discussion. She needs to drop the subject if she can’t say anything nice.

    On some level I think she may be jealous that you are thinner than she is, and taking care of yourself better which makes her feel inferior in a way.

    It’s hard for people in her generation to back down and accept they will be going to old age homes. The baby boomers have destroyed the world basically and I don’t have any patience for their ignorance and arrogance.

  • I think you should reassure your mother, it seems like she keeps emphasizing how “unhealthy” you are. I’d suggest getting some bloodwork done if you haven’t already and show it to her, maybe it will calm her nerves. If this doesn’t work, then, you’re going to have to speak calmly to her and just let her know that this is what makes you HAPPY, I’m sure she wants you to be happy. Sometimes it takes a while for people to come around… let her get used to the idea. When I first got interested in raw foods my boyfriend was completely against it, saying raw foodists were malnourished, eccentric, hippies, and what-not. Now he goes grocery shopping for me and has gone vegetarian. :o) There is hope for your mother, just believe in her.

  • Hi Dee! Let’s face it moms are always our biggest supporters AND our worst at the same time.. It sounds like your mom is misinformed and set in her ways (grew up on the “meat and potatos” diet and feels that’s the best way to eat) I think what she REALLY needs is your patience, yeah it’s hard to be patient when faced with negativity but it will work, and she needs you to firmly (But kindly) remind her that you are not a child who is making a rash decision or following some “hip, new fad”. Just tell her that you are making the choices that you feel are the best for you and that you understand the pros and cons of your lifestyle and that you want her support not constant critizism because it’s hurting you much more than helping you.. I think that when she visits you have a chance to SHOW her the way you eat and how you have changed.. (maybe the pic wasn’t so great but when she sees you full of energy and happy AND healthy she’ll change her mind) also you might think about looking up some info online for her, like the nutritional facts and benefits of some of the foods you eat (almonds, greens, honey, ect >whatever it is you eat normally<) so that she has some hard facts proving that your not being malnourished or starving yourself. It may take some time, it may take ALOT of time, but I think your mom is a smart woman and will be able to come support you and encourage you for the best.! Good luck and let us know how the visit went! K-Mom

  • i agree with writeeternity. your mother looks like she has some issues. i have no patience with people who are ignorant on a subject and have the gall to preach! my belief is say nothing until your educated.

    if i were in your shoes, i would be infuriated. my mother used to piss me off about food. she would make fun of the way i ate. she would constantly offer me hormone infested vegetable oil coated meat and dumplings. then when i got upset, she would laugh.

    think deeper about whats really going on with your mother. what are her intentions behind all of this?

  • I’m wondering if it could be defensiveness, ie she knows deep-down her own food habits could have affected her health, but no way wants to change them now…! I’ve got on very well with my in-laws for the past 20 years, but raw food has become a bit of an issue, a bit of a ‘prickly’ subject with them. They’re not at all happy with my diet. My father-in-law has had bowel cancer, suffers from gout, and also has a bit of his stomach that keeps ‘popping out’ My mother-in-law is overweight and has to take blood pressure tablets. They’re only in their 60s. They say THEY’RE worried about ME. The world is upside-down. You’re doing the right thing.

  • Hi Dee,

    After reading your post I thought to myself I could have posted this! My mother is exactly the same way. Everything I do is either wrong or will go wrong. She is a master at guilt trips and she refuses to see that she does anything wrong.

    Of course she does have good points. She loves the earth, animals, and helping others. But she criticizes me to the point that I don't even want to be around her. When I ask her about it, she says I'm being sensitive or dramatic. She always denies her behavior and she usually gets a chip on her shoulder if I even bring it up. My brother on the other hand can do no wrong. She will start to like something just because he likes it. She will claim she never did like things that I like even though she did.

    On top of all that she is an alcoholic. Things are always worse after 5 p.m. because every night she starts drinking. Keep in mind I only visit my mother once a week and she spends the entire three hours drinking and talking about her job. She complains constantly about work but that's all she talks about. I'm 48 years old and my brother is 41. I have 4 sisters but they don't live in the same city as we do.

    Every week after I leave her place to come home, I feel like crap. I am always down and depressed and I end up trying to think of ways to get out of going back there.

    I am sure this has not been help to you but I guess we sort have the same issue.

    Good luck with your mom,

    Lauri

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