Where do I begin?
I started off as a regular vegan, buying breads and butters and cheeses and really eating a lot of processed foods. Then I heard about this raw diet, and it really appealed to me. I thought, wow, that’s like the ultimate vegan, that must be really extreme and tough, I admire those people. Maybe one day, I might try it. Then, I began coming to this site more and more, and reading all over the internet about raw food benefits and the beauty of unprocessed foods, and making your own, and being creative, and healthy…. I read it all.
After a while, I had read so much that I just could not look at cooked broccoli the same. I felt guilt every time I chose steamed over raw broccoli, and every time I scooped cooked brown rice onto my plate. So, I gave in to the guilt and started eating more and more raw foods. Soon, I also began to feel guilty about eating more grains than fruits and vegetables. This was all during school.
Now, during the summer, I am back home, and my mom is buying me all types of fresh produce and stuff. And it just seems like I am getting more and more particular with my food. I can no longer buy soy milk without feeling guilty about buying a processed food. I can’t help but feel that I could be eating healthier when I stuff my face with steamed vegetables that my mom makes. I don’t buy pre-cut vegetables or canned foods. I buy only whole, natural ingredients.
You all must be thinking, “GREAT! She’s really growing, learning to take care of her body and finally eliminating processed and cooked foods!” But in fact, I am being tortured here. I honestly don’t want to feel this way about cooked foods. Sure, I want to be partially raw, but in all honesty, I still love some cooked foods.
That’s only part of my problem. I get excited about my food. Scary, unhealthy excited…the kind of excited that I assume some people here also get judging by all the recipes. I fantasize about making recipes constantly. My head is reeling with, “OOooo-Mom bought carrots, must make a carrot cake!” and “Gah! We have all these bananas, I should make an ice cream!” and “Zucchini! Oh how I miss lasagna, gotta make that!” And I can’t help it, but I always take like a gazillion pictures of all my recipes…I CAN’T STOP! And it takes me so long to make my meals, I hate always being in the kitchen. Always doing the dishes…always whirling that food processor. And produce gets bad so quickly…and I am never full and I always feel like I should make food for everyone around me to sample for some stupid reason.
Last week, my friend announced that she’d host a party, which would last all day, and would be a recipe-making party. For some reason, I felt upset by the idea. I didn’t want to go. And I finally realized that it was because I am ALWAYS making recipes, why would an all-day food-making party appeal to someone who is always in the kitchen? This made me realize that I am spending way too much time on food.
I am at the point in the diet where I just want to buy some vegan cheese instead of making my raw nut cheese which takes forever, and I want to buy bread, which would take 5 minutes rather than homemade raw bread which takes an hour! And I know everyone says that food is important because it takes care of your body, but SERIOUSLY! It does not have to be the most important part of our lives! And I feel like that’s what I am making it out to be! I don’t have time for anything! And everyone says that sprouting is not hard, well it takes up time-checking it, changing the water, thinking about it, remembering to change the water-it does cause some strain in the thought processes. I don’t want food to take up my life.
SO, I just don’t know. The point of this is to express myself and unload all this anxiety in my head. And I guess I want to know what everyone thinks…if the raw diet is really taking over someone’s life, shouldn’t they stop it? Also, any advice on how to take food off the mind and not always be in the kitchen preparing meals? Should I set limits on the time I spend making recipes-like once a week, or something? I need therapist-like answers, cause I feel like I am being driven nuts by all this food.