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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookAfter camping, although I stayed completely raw, I got back into my MJ habit, after being completely clean for FOUR MONTHS! I did it because I wanted to use the bong of my dead friend, for memorial purposes, but then I just didn’t stop and it became a habit again.
I’m ready to let it go again…I’ve stayed completely raw, mostly 811, and I feel BETTER when I’m sober, so I know I can do it. I feel better when my head is clear. I just wanted to have some support and good vibes my way…
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A very special friend of mine said the most profound and healing thing to me once when I was expressing my shame about still using. She simply said, “Don’t worry, you’ll get past it.” From then on in my mind it was just something temporary, a phase, not part of me, not my identity. These simple words allowed me separation and guess what… She was right!
Don’t worry Moth, you’ll get past it.
Lovebows, Chris
Thanks Chris, that means A LOT to me! Basically, I am VERY hard on myself about my pot habit. :-( I resolve at the beginning of the day not to toke up, and I am strong all day, but by the time evening rolls around, I just give in. And I feel bad afterwards and so resolve the next day to try again and quit. I get into a cycle about it once I’m in it…
I will have faith. I kicked it once, I can do it again!
Moth, I think chris imparts some wise words. I also think you can ease up on yourself. I remember in past posts how you spoke of some very difficult life challenges, including a divorce and some disordered eating. It seems like you’ve been working very hard for change; this is very brave and if you have some “slip ups” along the way, so be it. Trust that you are moving forward—I do!
MOTH I think what everyone says has been great. My only other suggestion is to mix up your routine a bit so you aren’t around to toke up. Plan a few nights out doing something, even just browsing in a bookshop, reading at a coffee shop, take a long walk, whatever you like to do just to get out of the routine. That helped me a bit with my wine addiction.
chris….good points
when i was a chronic user (heavy daily for 11 years) i was really convinced that it was a part of me….everything revolved around it…or so i thought
i thougt my music tatse was dictated by it….my friendships (some were) were dictated by it….my ability to write good music depended on it….my ability to socialise depended on it….all these things made it much harder to quit…..i wasn’t so much giving up a substance, i truly believed i was going to have to give up ‘me’
quite a scary thought….one that hampered all of my attempts to quit for many years…...
i only managed it while living away from home for 9 months….even though i still continued smoking it for the 1st couple of months while away, i realised that it was the perfect opportunity to quit….i was in a place where nothing was familiar, no-on REALLY new me….i had a clean slate…..the ‘me’ i knew was being shaped by new experiences, not DICTATING how i should be
so that was it….i quit….just over 5 years ago
do i regret my time toking…not at all…..it really allowed for me to step back from life and look at it in a very different way…..even the criminal record i have for possesion doesn’t bother me…...i discovered much about myself….but that discovery couldn’t go any further while using….
external chemical influence from drugs can initiate a great journey of self-discovery , but we then have to stop ‘using’ these substances to begin to find our true selves….our selves that we are left with when the drugs run out
good luck getting back to your self
Hi Moth, I am sending you good vibes. Be gentle with yourself and all the changes you want to make will happen with ease and in good time. Best wishes.
Best of luck! It can be a tuff battle. For me it was a love affair that had to end and it took alot of support for me to “get past it”.
I so know what you are going through, and I’m really glad you posted this b/c I almost posted the same type thread last month. Know you are not alone in this struggle. I’ve been struggling myself, and going throught the flip flop cycle of trying to maintain balance and control over my health and personal well being. What worked for me over the last few weeks was to focus on positive things to do with my time, rather than focusing on punishing myself if i slip up occasionally. I’ve been trying to get back on a regular yoga routine, and just generally spending time doing the things that I know make me the happiest..IE working out, creating art, cooking up a storm, spending time with my positive friends! Try doing activities that you love, and you will find that if you are busy and happy,the urges will go away, and eventually be easy to overcome.
You know, when I was visiting family the last few months, I got in to this habit badly myself. It peaked when I visited my cousin and we make raw chocolate… Mixed with hash! Sounds like such a contradiction! During this experience (which was just too much for me and not enjoyable) I realized something: I work very hard on my health. I make a point of exercising and eating raw and avoiding chemicals, to maintain my energy levels and mental clarity. Does it really, really make sense that I would be using a substance to numb myself? When I realized that, I lost all desire to smoke up. And that was that. I can’t even take a sip of wine after that because I just don’t feel like it’s anything that would feel good. I just want to feel alive.
i am struggling with the same thing. when i smoke is the only time i eat cooked food anymore, and sometimes gluten too, which makes me sick and hurts my yoga practice and professional performance.
i wish i could quit, it feels like it’s been part of me for so long but now when i smoke i feel panicky, like i’ve left real life and responsibility and i just can’t get back. i, like you, start every day saying i don’t want to do it anymore but at the end of the day i’m tired and stressed and i smoke so i can relax, then regret it after.
maybe we can start a support group? i need it.
Moth, hope you’re feeling better today. You’ve been doing incredible things – keeping a solid raw diet, transitioning to an 811 lifestyle, and moving through the ordinary things in life that bog even the most buddha-like person down. You’re doing great. Remember that you made it for four months! You can start over and do it again! We all know you can do it.
Big hugs to you
I thought of something else if you really want relaxation. I have been using kava kava to detox off a medicine that helped me sleep. Can you use that to wean yourself off of it? of course, you have to be wary of starting a whole new addiction but kava kava is not that bad used in small doses.
Wow, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support and love. Every person here has given me something to do think about and has given me perspective and appreciation. I had a long, glitzy dance with Mary Jane, and I do consider it a tool which used wisely can yield positive, even transformational therapeutic results in a person, but I can’t use it wisely – I abuse it far beyond any healing qualities. I’ve had wonderful times on it, but now…all I want to feel is AUTHENTIC, without alteration; to be the real deal.
I do feel like all my health goals are geared towards managing and focusing my vital energy and helping it be as bright and joyful as possible so that it can manifest as much of my soul in this lifetime as possible. I definitely feel as though MJ diminishes my vital energy…the “high” feels more like “being drained” to me now that I think about it…
It helps to talk about, thanks guys. I will stop beating myself up about it when I do partake, also. Loving myself is the first step.
MOTH I read your post yesterday and I wanted to say something to help you, but the truth is I was going through almost the same thing as you with the only diff. that my addiction is food. And even though I know is bad for me and that I’m just undoing all the good I have done for my health I still fall for it.
I will like to let you know that like you just realized all of us love you and we are here to help you pick up the pieces and start all over again stronger than before.