Freaky Coconut Grossness!

I had a bit of a headache this morning and knew I was dehydrated. I’m staying w/family right now and my mom was going to Target and asked if I wanted to come. I figured I could get a coconut there for the electrolytes. I doubted they’d have Thai or organic mature, but no one around here does and I wasn’t about to drive an hour to the co-op downtown for one freakin’ coconut.

So I find the tropical fruit section at Target and then the coconuts. The only ones they had were FREAKING BIZARRE! They had a big sticker on them labeling them “Melissa’s Quick Crack Coconuts.” Uh….

Then I notice they have a bizarre shape. They’re shaped kinda like a round loaf of bread, flat on one side, more round than elliptical like a normal coconut, and instead of the eyes being on one end (the short side I guess you could say) they’re on “top” (the long side), opposite the flat “bottom.” I notice the 3 seams coconuts have, still coming out and down from around the eyes. I look like someone had balanced a normal coconut on it’s end and squished it flat. WTF? Then it looked like it had been scored with a knife around the sides.

I was really perturbed by it, I couldn’t figure out what kind of weird growing container placed around it or genetic engineering or what created this thing. But I figured it was better than nothing, for $2, so I brought it home.

I drove a hole through one of the eyes and tipped it over to suck the water out…and nearly spat it right into the sink! It tasted like that fake coconut flavouring and that chemical lemon furniture polish! And it made my tongue and lips feel all weird and fuzzy and cottonmouthy. GROSS!

WHY must this stuff be done to our produce?!


  • That is a freakin’ gross story!!! Melissa is a sham! (the name of the “product” is funny in a messed up way- did it have a funny picture of some bugged-out, betty crocker lady with an inner tube around her waist on it too? Because it should have….)

    Not to change the subject, but last night my boy came home and had learned of stock piled plastic coffins in Atlanta and now he thinks there is going to be Marshall Law after the election and is talking about gettin gas masks etc. You live there right? what’s the deal? Was the coffin thinkg ever in the news down there.

    BTW – It’s also strange your Target has a “tropical fruit section.” Never seen that in NY or WA…..not that I’d want to!

  • ZoeZoe

    take it back to them and ask them what it is? You deserve to know what you just swallowed. Sounds just awful though.

  • That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. Must be teeming with fungicides.

  • sid23 I heard about the plastic coffin thing like a year or 2 ago. I think I recall hearing (from a military person) that maybe they were shipped to use in the military for unfortunate troops that didn’t make it, as temporary transport for the remains, something like that. There are quite a few military bases near here and alot of troops ship in and out through Atlanta, so that would make sense to me.

    Zoe I would but I sincerely doubt the Target folks would even know! Target’s like a slightly more upscale version of ASDA. I definitely won’t be buying it again though! On the bright side, they did have reasonably priced organic kiwis and a few other fruits.

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