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Reading your story reminded me of Shazzie’s story when she decided to go raw. (www.shazzie.com) I think it is such a different way of life that many people just do not understand and are somewhat scared by it. I do not think healthier lifestyles result in broken relationships. Not communicating or working together can break relationships. My husband is fine with all of the changes that I am making. He reads and hears and sees the benefits of me trying to alter my SAD lifestyle. He’s not interested in making the change, but he is interested in learning.
Maybe your boyfriend needs more information? Did I read correctly that he asked for your hand? Maybe he is just a little scared by that. It is a big step and commitment. Perhaps, you two could use some quality time discussing everything more in depth?
I’m sorry for your pain. Please know that people aren’t always comfortable giving their real reasons for wanting to break-up, so this might not be the 100% truth from him. It sounds like you guys haven’t been together long (though it probably seems long to you). It’s possible that he can’t make himself comfortable with your lifestyle because he sees it as a criticism of his own, even though you don’t actually judge him.
If this relationship doesn’t work out, rest assured there are men out there who will either enjoy your lifestyle with you, or happily be with you while even though they don’t want to eat the same way. Most friends don’t care how you eat as long as it isn’t imposed on them. It sounds like you’re very accepting of others’ choices.
Maybe you two can work it out, but don’t compromise your ideals in any relationship. You’ll only regret it and resent that person for asking you to do it. Good luck with everything!
yydallas, in my experience these “reasons” he has given you are excuses. He seems to want to move on for what ever reason and he has disided to make your lifestyle the scape goat. Do not feel bad about your choices. I think break ups are the worst no matter what the reason and the fact that he courted you so heavily makes it a little harder to bear. It has to be for the best though, you will see with time as you nurture yourself , that some one will come along who is more suited to you and your lifestyle! hope this helps…..
Hi YYDallas! I say get out and meet some people as soon as possible. Tell your friends to set you up on some dates if they know anyone, put yourself in situations where you would meet like minded people, etc. Go on with your life as best you can. That is the true test as well. He may not care that you are going out with someone but he may end up caring a lot!
He is really immature if he is going to really hold something like that against you. I also feel like he is talking to other people about the way you live. It isn’t anybody’s business and he doesn’t need to have these other people influencing him. It may be his mother he is talking to or other girls because I don’t think other guys would tell him to break up with you- it sounds like he is being influenced by another woman.
I hate men like this! That is probably the best thing you can learn from this is to find out if your man will run to his mother or some other group of “friends” and be discussing the personal details of your relationship or if he is mature enough to stand by his woman even if there is a psycho mother-in-law who is involved.
You are better to get out of the relationship if he isn’t trustworthy, or dependable. What if you had kids with him and then he woke up one day and decided it wasn’t for him. He sounds like he is wishy washy and only thinks about himself. There are plenty of nice guys out there and you need to find one! They would be really really lucky to have you!
It’s always hard when you and your loved one don’t share the same way of life.. And even eating is a sort of “culture” that is influenced on us since we were wee babies. It can be very difficult for cultures to mix without a few road-bumps.. It’s been my experience that if a man (or woman) isn’t honest upfront it builds into a huge monster of feelings and thoughts that one day becomes too much to handle anymore. It sounds like this is what was his problem.. You were just too cute to pass up but he couldn’t be honest about how he really felt about your lifestyle and it finally all came spilling out. People like this look at someone and think of how perfect it will be when they change to be like them and they have EVERYTHING in common but they fail to realize that variety is the spice of life and it’s what makes us different that makes us special.. You sound like a great woman who’s very open and has alot to give.. The heartache will go away soon and then you’ll be free to find Mr. Right.. who by the way IS out there, he’s just waiting for the right time to come into your life (trust me I know from experience!) Good luck and my thoughts are with you!! K-Mom
Hi yydallas!
Oh, how many times this has happened to me in my life so I totally understand what has happened to you. In my situation, it was because I was a vegetarian (this was way before i was into raw). I had several boyfriends who said, when they first met me, that they thought it was “cool” I was a veg because it was so different and that was what they liked about me – that I was different from most girls. Ironically, that was why they broke up with me (well, I broke up with them too because they were meat eaters and I thought I could handle it and it ended up I couldn’t – there were other reasons too though) – at the end when we broke up all of them said “I think your being a vegetarian is weird”. Ha! Well, I think the same thing about them eating meat!
I think it is really sad that the most SAD lifestyle is the most excepted one. Unfortuately, I doubt this is ever going to change in the world. One day the raw lifestyle will be more excepted as the vegeterain one is slowly becoming so.
My conclusion in my relationships were that alot of times people are attracted to people initially and there is that excitement of getting to know someone who is different from themselves – in the end, they find they can’t handle it. Your ex sounds like he is caught up in society’s norms. You need to find someone who can break away from that.
What is all this about him not thinking you will be clean enough? Does he think that soap and shampoo have been around forever? I have been no poo for seven months and no one has told me I looked unclean or gross.
I don’t feel it is your fault at all. It seems that you were very accepting of the differences making him cooked food and such. If he can’t love you for who are, than it isn’t good for you. Better you find out now than later. If you guys were really meant to be together, than he would be fine with your choices as you are with his. It hurts obviously but honestly, it is better off. You need to find some one who shares more of your lifestyle interests. Be more picky about the people you get involved with and be upfront about that when you meet someone new.
I am lucky now to have a boyfriend who is more into raw than I am – he was that way when I met him and you know how I met him at a raw food meetup! We don’t have everything in common but having the food thing in common definatley helps. I think if I wasn’t with him now – I would rather be alone. It took me a long time to figure it out but I know now I would never date a non-vegan again.
Look at this as a new opportunity for you to find the person who is right for you – not as you are doing something wrong by living the green lifestyle. Obviously, you are attracted to the lifestyle for a reason and if you look in the right places, you will find what you need.
well here is my 2 cents. i did not read what the other people have to say. but from my personal experience i have learned that food plays a major role in relationships. food is passionate. cooking or uncooking. my current boyfriend and i do not share the same passion in food. he doesnt like food, period, and this hurts. we are breaking up. food is playing a major role in this. good riddance to him! although it hurts.
so i can understand where your ex or current boyfriend is coming from. i also understand you. my condolences. time will heal.
i think your approach and manner in handling this is mature and reasonable. compromise is key! i hate it how others can be so selfish. perhaps this is god’s test for you!
My heart goes out to you…. but you are not alone! Look at this website! There are soooooo many people across the world who respect and understand your lifestyle decisions. Take heart in that.
The relationship that people have with food is very complex, and it sounds like maybe it was very scary for your boyfriend to witness you really truly taking care of yourself, loving yourself and nourishing yourself from that love. For someone who struggles with that, it can be rather threatening to their own self-protection mechanisms (and therefore their own constructed self) to see the person closest to them really loving him/herself.
My advice: Surround yourself with the friends, support groups, communities, books, music, nature that reflects the respect that you show yourself through your healthy and loving lifestyle. Don’t worry…. as you are changing that way that you take care of yourself, then you will begin to attract more like-minded people who share the same values and respect. It may be a slow process, but it is a process of growth, and growth is usually hard but always well worth it.
Keep taking care of yourself! Our lives are so much bigger than any one relationship.
thank you very much, my friends! It is a great comfort to know there are so many great people out there, understanding and loving. I am walking out of its shadow and I am feeling wonderful, thanks again. I am still that happy person I used to be, now more confident and even stronger, maybe the pain is a test of my fortitude and a boost for my growth:) I knew it would pass and I would be fine, even during the moments of pain. But, you people actually lent me a hand to get out faster. I really appreciate everything here, and I am glad I turned here for help.
Oh, lapetitemort, thanks for bringing up the :”ask for hand” thing, I am sorry I made a mistake in its meaning. I had meant to say: he asked me to become his girlfriend. I should have consulted the dictionary before using it, rather than using my intuition in wording.