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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookI read a forum post about the power of the avocado seed. It seems that some adventurous folks grind their avocado seeds into fiber-rich smoothies accented with various greens and fruits. Avocado seeds are healing, they promised. Healing! You will poop like never before! Your skin will glow more than the folks living near the Trinity Test Site! Your love life will improve, too, hubba hubba, with potential sexual partners flinging themselves at your feet! I think it was that last bit that got me. I’ve had a dry run lately, no eligible men knocking down my door in this dusty rural town with a bouquets of fresh kale. So a green smoothie sounded good, a green smoothie with spinach, kale, grapefruit, banana, flax seed, and one perfect avocado….
I fired up my Oster – a sturdy black ‘n silver beast that has been my constant companion since starting my raw lifestyle one solid week ago – and filled it to the top with my selected ingredients. I added a dollop of raw coconut oil and a cup of water for good measure and hit Puree. The avocado seed wanted nothing to do with my smoothie and decided to make a run for it! It slammed against the walls of the glass container with fractal imprecision, the noise seemingly getting louder and louder with each rotation of the blade. The rest of the food smooshed to perfection, bits and pieces of kale rising to the surface, falling like tsunami debris into a waterspout. I stopped the blender and peeked inside. The avocado seed rested on the surface. It looked scarred, thousands of criss-crossing blender blade tattoos covering its surface. Hmmm, not enough power, I thought. I hit Liquefy.
Big mistake.
The seed groaned in anger, smashing against the glass walls with determination. It must have hit a sweet spot.
CRASH!
I raised my hands in fear as the glass shattered in a million tiny shards. The seed smacked me – dead center forehead – one heft chunk of glass lodged in my right middle finger. I’m writing this with my left hand, pecking one key at a time. My write hand sits on my lap, middle finger wrapped in six layers of protective gauze, twenty or so bandaids stuck up and down my arms, my forehead bruised like a sad banana.
Damn that avocado!
So. Ya think the man are gonna start swarming at my door?
Tell me YOUR RAW disasters!
Comments
oh my gosh, and laughed so hard at this! i’m sorry I never laugh at others pain..but the way you write is so cute. I give you credit – you seem to have a great sense of humor! If that had happened to me – i’d be ticked ;)
I’m fairly new to raw so I haven’t had many disasters yet. I did have a disaster recipe trying to make soup and it resembled and smelled like barf LOL
GREAT story!! sorry about your misfortune.. but if you ever figure this avocado seed thing.. let me know.. im married, but it would be nice to have him throw himself at my feet every once in a while. no, no disaster stories yet for me other than a nut loaf that landed me on the toilet for an entire evening.. dont ya hate it when your feet fall asleep!? but i did have a disaster while cooking i will share, cuz it was awful! i was making rice pudding or something and i was trying to boil some water and i turned on the stove… however i turned on the wrong burner.. i turned on the burner that had a pyrex glass baking dish sitting on it.. while i was at the kitchen sink, there was this explosion! thank God i wasnt facing the stove when it happened! it sounded like a gun had gone off in my kitchen! i ducked like there were shots being fired. i turned around to see sparkely glass covering every single surface in that whole kitchen.. at this point im in shock.. i look down and see glass lodged in the back of my legs with blood dripping down.. and of course i was bare foot! my shoes were about 3 steps away.. so there i went walkin on the shards of glass on the sides of my feet as to get less glass stuck in my feet to get my flip flops.. i turned the stove off and went out side for a well earned cigarette, shaking.. i look out to the street to see my husband with his head in the trunk of my car trying to fiddle with my sub woofer.. i tried to call his name.. but all i could get out was this whisper.. i shook so much i could barely get the cigarette lighted.. and finally i got his attention.. he asked me what happened as i stood there shaking with blood dripping down my legs and my feet from walking in it.. all i could do was point to the kitchen. he cleaned it up for me. i could not believe how much glass this thing scattered all over the kitchen.. it was absolutely everywhere!! so after i got my self cleaned up and got my composure back, i went to the party that was right next door (townhouse) and they were all like “yeah, we heard something.. sounded like a gun!” and i was all like “then why the hell didnt someone come to see if i was okay!!??”
Since the pit is so dense and heavy, you might try to break it up a bit before putting it in the blender. Wrap it in a dish towel and whack at it a few times with a hammer, heavy skillet, meat tenderizer, or other such tool. Then put the pieces in the blender and blend… Heal quickly.
Oh MY! so sorry to hear about the escape of the avocado. my misfortunes: my buckwheat sprouted so long is smelled like moudly cheese. i once juiced arugula. my flax crackers got moudly and stank. my wheatberries didn’t grind, and became hard little bits swimming in stinky dehydrated mush. my apricot curry turns out to be slimy spicy grossness served on a bed of bad cauliflower ‘rice’. my sweet potato ‘chips’ tasted like cardboard. my banana chips were little brown pieces of s*.
Hahaha, I’ve had my share of disasters. The good news is, I can now make simple rawcipes.
Wow, littlebirdie, you should be a writer! I love your story!! So sorry about your mishap :( (I have an Oster just like yours.) I use a cleaver to chop up most of my fruits and veggies. I actually cut up my avocados with it. I usually lay the avocado on it’s side and hack it in half right through the skin, flesh and pit. Then, I lay each piece, cut side down, and hack each one into 4 pieces (leaving me with 8 pieces). It makes it easier to peel the avocado and the seed pieces come out real nice. What I did this morning was take those seed pieces and chopped them up smaller yet, cutting them like you would with a butcher knife (not hacking like when I cut the avocado in pieces…easier to miss and dangerous for the fingers!), put them in my Oster with a bit of water and blended until smooth. Then, I added all my other stuff and blended it up. Works great!
Okay, I am feeling MUCH better today. I had to stay off the computer for three days to let my finger and cuts heal. Much improved. I have to buy a new blender, and I don’t have any money. Boo hoo! It’s been tough eating raw without my green smoothies. Talk about addiction, LOL.
Those are some funny raw disasters – I wanna hear more!
Winona, boy I can relate to the weird smells that can occur in the kitchen. I made a salad and I don’t know what the HECK made the smell, but yesterday all my boys and I could smell was something that reminded us of dirty diapers mixed with pine sol. It had to be something I made (and we ate, ugh). I just hope it’s not leaking from my pores…
loveskale, LOL!!!! Good to know your neighbors care, ha ha ha ha ha! I’m glad it wasn’t gunshot!
Okay, I am now prepared to blend the pit once I get a new blender. Thanks, maxinatux!!