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Well, I used to hang out with this group of people. We were all close, good friends. They knew me as the gregarious midnight-ice cream seeker, pizza face-stuffer, and junk food addict. Then, I became a raw vegan and slowly, they started treating me differently, judging not only what I ate but anything I said that had to do with food. They would constantly tease and pick on me and mutter cruel, cold comments. I could feel the irritation they had with me getting higher every day. So, I stopped hanging out with them. I was upset for a while…felt alone, depressed, almost guilty about my food choices. Then, I met some new people who had known about my diet from facebook :) And they thought it was the coolest thing ever, they were so intrigued and asked me questions and genuinely respected my diet. Nowadays, I am always socializing with them. We will go for a picnic lunch and I will bring my food and they will bring theirs, and they actually want to try mine! So, I will let them sample, and they always love it! It’s wonderful to be around people who appreciate you and respect your diet. Even if they are have a SAD, I still enjoy being with them. You’ll find that some people will not be able to stand you as a raw vegan, whereas others (and I really think MOST) will find it refreshing and interesting and not care about what you eat, but who you are. Those are the true friends. :)
i still generally hang out with the same group of friends i did before i was raw, despite our drastically different lifestyle habits. i’ve been very lucky to have had them be only mildly judgemental, and a few are even interested!
I never have been the type to “go out” to eat, etc.(Unless you count munching on clovers,dandelions,sorrel and rye in my yard:P). So none of that is a problem thankfully, but I have roommates. Although everyone agrees on raw, no one agrees on percentage and some are in slower transition mode. This does indeed lead to my using self control. The main thing that comes hard is when friends whom don’t know, or family, invite me to dinner or bring over food. I did however have a picnic with a friend the other day, and that was nice because we agreed on light foods like “salads”. I prepared most of it to prevent a problem, but he still brought some. Although not 100% on his part he made a big effort (especially for an omnivore leaning towards carnivore, his non raw was stuff like condiments and boiled-beans, not bad at all). I know some people won’t make exceptions, but I do if they show compassion and effort, or they would get really offended, I’m easing everyone into it.
As for drinking, as long as it is in moderation when you do do it, and once in a while I don’t see it as all that bad. If you’re lucky you can find unpasturised, which is living but not raw. Most are cooked, but in small doses certain alcohols actually have a cleansing effect. I don’t drink hardly at all(that’s just me). I used to medicinally or once in a VERY long while I would have a glass with best friends. It’s funny that I don’t drink, because I am blessed to know a skilled cider/wine/champagne brewer whom’s family own a small orchard. They never cook anything that goes into it. Life is strange that way.
Anyway, I am dreading going around parts of my family and certain friends still. It’s going to be hard to explain. I haven’t encountered all the problems to socialising and general communicating raw food yet due to my semi-hermitting. But I can tell you now I don’t look forward to it. Not that it will be such a disaster (hopefully) it’s just it’s alot of explaining, will power, and effort. There will be questions, occasional snooty comments. The overall problem is my laziness and being tired of any confrontation at the moment. But really they don’t have much of an option and will have to get used to it.
Long ago when I went out a little more with friends(we generally stay in and make fun at home), we usually went to coffee houses/bistros/small cafes for tea. If we did eat it was simple food, and due to the fact that most of it was local or very openminded, we could ask for alterations to be made to it. I think you could easily change a few things up on the menu even in the adverage restaurant. I don’t know, there are ways around it, I’m just figuring them out, and doing it slowly. :) all this made me thankful for my roommates and the fact that the english(old fashioned ones anyway) just really like their tea. That makes it simple.
My apologies for over-talking a bit. It was helping me think this out and think of other things as well.
It’s tough stuff hangin with ‘cooked’ friends! I will have a drink now and again, but I think I am going to give it up, becuase when i get a little tipsy (yeah on one drink!) I tend to want to blow the raw thing and have some cooked crap! I find if I keep my wits about me, I will just keep doing my own thing inspite of the non raw temptations!!
Socializing is one of the hardest things for me when it comes to sticking to my raw food way of living. The girls and I get together and usually when we eat out the only thing on the menu’s I can eat are salads. One can only eat so much salad, at least me. they alway get some yummy dish or desert that makes me just want to eat it. Though I have to say, my friends are very very supportive and some of them even have gotten into Raw foods. When I go to parties now I try and bring a Raw food dish, the most popular ones are my raw cream of tomato and my newest recipe a kale patties wrap that everyone raves over. Both recipes are a breeze to make and fairly cheep so it works out.
I’ve also started carrying raw food snacks with me for movies, coffee shop socializing or any other thing were munching is going to go on. I keep things in my office too that way I am not starving and end up rushing off to a restaurant.
I would say next hardest is breakfast, I loved to eat out breakfast and Sundays are a big brunch day with my friends and family. So I compromise I eat brunch on Sundays only with everyone and go back to raw afterwards. Since I horse back ride after that I just figure I burn off the calories and what ever I ate. Hey it works for me, shrug
Other things that have made me want to stay away from restaurant and helped out are, rising cost of food prices, seeing a bug crawl off the plate at a Thai restaurant from my lettuce wrap dish, getting food poisoning at a Mexican place. Funny, I never seem to have these problems at home when I make my own raw food dishes.
The people who have given me the hardest time about being raw, family. Though my boyfriend is fairly supportive even though he is very happy eating SAD foods.
I was a bit of a hermit in the beginning, not because my friends weren’t accepting, but because I didn’t want to mess up my body. Then social opportunities started to come up like meeting for tea to chat, or going to a play, non-food events. Recently a non-raw friend suggested we get a group together to try out the new raw restaurant in Boston and I was so touched I wanted to cry. This weekend a friend has invited us over to see a play and then meet at their place for a big salad and whatever I want to bring. So no, I don’t go to bars anymore or drink, but I’m just as happy. And like bellesera, I’m not opposed to going out somewhere of their choice and having a cooked meal here and there if they’re willing to make the effort for me.
I’m just a hermit anyway. :P
Amysue, I added your “White Hot Chocolate” recipe to my box. I may not have cacao butter yet, but I am plotting ahead of time. I’ve always loved white chocolate. mmm.
I drink wine, so I do go out to bars with friends. The restaurant thing is a big problem. At this point, since I’m new to raw, I can’t handle the temptation of restaurants. So I typically will go home to eat raw food and meet up with friends after dinner. After being raw for a while, I’ll probably learn to be fine with not eating at restaurants. I bring my food to other folks houses if they’re eating. I also will bring my food to an event for work/college – something inconspicuous like avocados and portobellas, as I am not willing to watch people eat a four course meal while chewing on plain lettuce.
The restaurant thing is definitely a challenge. Depending on the situation I sometimes make peace with selecting something cooked/vegetarian. In general though, I try to avoid going. I am just too tempted by the smells.
I don’t spend a lot of time talking about this lifestyle with others – family or friends. I just eat what I want to and answer any questions that come up. I have yet to come out of the closet at as “raw foodist” (lol).
My mother is probably my biggest challenge – keeps wanting me to eat her soups with a ham base (oh, barf). I absolutely will not open this up for discussion with her – there is way too much history for that.
have_mersey – hope you find some soon!
Winona – I always bring “back up food” to other people’s houses, at least to have in the car, because some people have said – don’t bring anything, I’ll look after you – when in reality my tastes and needs usually don’t match up with what their idea of “raw” is. They mean well.
I dont’ really eat out anymore…I avoid eat-out type places. I don’t like going to restaurants with my friends if they are going, just because it just seems awkward. There is no point to me going to a restaurant.
I prefer to just eat at home, where I know the food that’s going into my body first-hand.
I am extremely social so going out is not a problem for me. Being in Austin I can always steer the restaurant choice to one where I know they offer a variety of salads. I have no issues with my friends asking questions about my raw food choices and why I have chosen this lifestyle. I also still drink wine although after getting buzzed on one glass last weekend, I have not had any. I am going into my third week of being raw.
I have the personality type that does not shy away from confrontation. If my friends start giving me any crap about my food choices, I have no problem grossing them out about the meat industry or industrialized fishing. They know that they are fair game if they make fun of me. At the same time they are all pretty supportive so far and are curious to see how much it will change me in the future.
I am not 100% raw yet, though I am getting close. I am using up the last of store bought salad dressings and olive oil. I am looking forward to making my own dressings now that I got my Braggs raw vinegar. I have always loved salads so that is a standard everyday for me. At this point I would say that I am 80% raw and loving it. I have no problem preparing my own foods for family social functions and when anyone asks I am more than happy to discuss the raw food lifestyle and optimal health.
I just had prom about two weeks ago and was really nervous about the dinner thing. We ate at a friends house with about ten people (only two knew about my raw food). I really didn’t want to eat a cooked meal. So I ate something before I went and brought a salad… lots of questions came after that haha I felt awkward when everyone noticed I wasn’t eating the pasta and chicken dish but I’m glad that I didn’t and they found it interesting and then began talking about something else. I was glad I chose to bring something myself. I find that if I know a salad at a restaurant wont be enough I make sure to eat before I go and then just have a salad so I wont be sitting there with nothing. Also I often order a side of veggies and just ask them to skip the cooking.
Any ideas for dates – the kind you go on, not eat :) I am getting back into the dating scene again, and last time I ate meat, but everything else raw. It was still challenging, but I sometimes found a way to get them to eat at my house. We’d go shopping for natural steak and a bunch of veggies & fruit, and I made dinner (the nicer ones helped me). Once or twice I went to a restaurant and ate steak and salad bar (I felt awful afterward cuz of the marinade that was on the steak) or a salad with chicken (skip the cheese, croutons, etc.), but I don’t eat meat any more, and I hate for the guy to take me out and then I don’t eat anything but a tiny salad. I guess I just haven’t been out many places that support my lifestyle, but I don’t want to have to do a ton of explaining about raw life before I know someone very well. Maybe I’ll just have to start telling them something simple like “I eat a certain way for my health; maybe we could just go bowling or something?” Any ideas of responses or of compromise meals/restaurants that are better than white bread, meat, grease and sugar?
I feel like I’ve been avoidant about hanging out with friends in the context of meals, which I don’t like, because I end up isolating myself to some degree. I don’t have a problem with being around others when they’re eating whatever, but I still feel awkward either not eating or eating something that in the SAD paradigm seems like I’m on a diet or starving myself. Especially as an actress in Los Angeles, the LAST thing I want to appear to be is on some faddish calorie-restrictive kick—especially since the point of going raw is about abundant health and happiness, not about self-hatred masquerading as anything other than a societally induced eating disorder. I’m very encouraged by everyone on this website and their strength and comfort with being raw in public, and can relate to you, Karuna, about being in the closet! What I have found is that when I’ve been bold enough to talk about raw veganism that some friends will step up and be supportive. And you can even sometimes see the wheels churning in their mind…as in, Could that be why she’s doing so well…?
Angie,
Many restaurants now offer vegetarian entrees although many of them are cooked. Some mainstream restaurants that offer a variety of different salads are “TGIF” of course you have to ask them no meat, Cheesecake Factory and Bennigans. Check the menu’s of your local restaurants to see what they offer and if they have some vegetarian items. Many times you will find that they offer a lot of sides that you can ask for raw.
If you’re on a date and the guy cannot accept your raw lifestyle then you’ll know he is not getting a second date with you. Also I joined a meetup of raw foodists in my area where you can do some social networking with like minded people at raw potlucks. Mediterranean restaurants always have big greek salads where you can have them skip the feta. I’m not sure where you live but I would look in the yellow pages and check the menu of all restaurants. That way when asked on a date and where you would like to go, it is easy to suggest a place that you know carries something you can eat.
cavegal – thanks for all the input/ideas! I hadn’t thought of sides I could ask for raw, but I think checking menus ahead of time is a great idea. Like I know TGI Friday’s has whole avocados, so I can get that with lemon instead of salad dressing or something. If I know what they have, it won’t be so hard to figure out where to go or how to get enough to eat at whatever place we go, and you’re right about not re-dating anyone who can’t accept my lifestyle – that would be true with any part of my life; not just my food choices. :) I really appreciate your help, especially since I’m going to a dance tonight and possibly willl be seeing a guy who has shown some interest in me…:)
angie~ Are you all magnificently angiefied and ready for your big adventure tonight? Or, are you being a draggy butt and hiding out on the net? 8)
Here are some other threads on dating:
haha bluedolfin, so mischevious. have fun angie!
bluedolphin – As much as I wanted to be a “draggy butt” :D I said I was going, so I turned off the computer and got “angiefied” for the dance. Thanks for the laughs! :)
angie~ Since you didn’t answer last night, I figured you were either ignoring me or you went off to have angies big dance adventure. :) I have happy feet… can’t sit still in a concert. Nothing like being a Bonnie Raitte concert and most people are sitting still… are those people dead? I’m can’t help bopping around seat. 80) Are you going to tell us how the dance went or do we have to make up stories about it? That would be fun, ha folks? 80)
Okay, so I went to the dance
Funny angie… I saw your post about the dance on the “Stranger” thread and responded there. You are just dancing all over the boards today. lol
I find that I don’t even enjoy going out to restaurants anymore unless it is some place like Gratitude!! I don’t drink either…never have actually. But I notice that when I go to birthday parties where all my “cooked” friends are (that sounds so funny), we are interested in talking about entirely DIFFERENT things! It’s bizarre. Food controls the brain completely, I’ve realized! I used to be a part of their stressed conversations…but now find it hard to focus on gossip and lack of this or that…It’s getting harder to be a part of the group, but I enjoy their company just the same, as long as they don’t try to pick apart my well being. Lucky for me, I’ve made a group of raw friends in my town…so that to me is “normal” now. It’s a nice feeling when I go to a barbeque where there’s nothing but junk food, and I end up feeling completely disconnected from it, thinking how “abnormal” it is! It’s a beautiful thing. It’s taken me a while to get to this point. And a LOT of conversations with myself to figure out the kinks in why I could never stay 100% raw.
Wow, that’s awesome you’ve made some raw friends. Do you find the online and then meet up, or was it a chance encounter?
I want to have friends who are RAW…boohoo. At least I have my husband, I guess. Haha.
I think the key is to shift your social life so that it doesn’t revolve around food. I work hard at this because I love food, I love to find it, play with it, think of new things to do with it, etc. Eating it comes after all of that. However, I hate the idea that the older I get the more it is tied to me socially. So, I look for social events that aren’t food centered, festivals, outdoor activities, sports, cultural….. Vacations were hard at first, but I decided that I could eat at home so I would do other things on vacations, being a scuba diver helps. That way I can hang out with anyone, regardless of what they eat!
If you’re lonely start a potluck!!!
We started our 4 months ago and now I have about 40 raw vegan friends ;)))
I thought me and my hubby were the only ones in my area, and so did everyone else who turns up every month at our house. We love our potluck so, so much, everyone gets on like a house of fire, it is one of the best things I have ever done in my life. Post the details on here, put flyers in health food shops, post the details on meetup.com etc etc , just go for it!!
Every time I tell myself today is the day I start all over and go 100% Raw my husband wants to go out to eat. The only thing I can have is salad and well, I hate salad! But, if it makes my husband and son happy then salad it is. My friend Julie got me hooked on raw but she lives 2 hours away so we don’t see each other all that often. She has been my support even though she’s not here. Forget “family” events like parties and holidays…might as well just stay home. I hate when you do something good for yourself and everyone has to pull their noses up at what you do! Or they say, doesn’t that get boring or ewwww everything is cold. So with that said, social events are very hard for me unless I’m with people of “my kind”. All I have to say is they don’t know what they are missing especially if it involves maca & cacao!!