What a disaster! I discovered raw foods and was very, very excited to make the transition and experience all the wondrous benefits. Then, after a few days of raw, my urges and logicality inexplicably transformed into this insuppressible food-crazy monster. I began eating gross, junk food and just gross food in general… things I didn’t even want to eat, I would eat, because I couldn’t help myself for some reason. I’ve been struggling and struggling to slap myself out of it and get back on raw. I even seemed to have gained some weight through this catastrophe, which I am infuriated about. I’ve been feeling so terrible and repulsive. Just yuck. As determined as I am, I can’t seem to get myself together. And unfortunately, I’ve come to the conclusion that the raw-mentality is to blame. I just simply can’t do it… right now. I want to, I really want to, I really, really want to… but I’ve proven to myself, repeatedly, that I’m not capable of being emotionally, mentally, and physically satisfied by this diet. I mean, certain parts of me love this diet… I have noticed that the more raw, fresh, unaltered foods I eat, the better I feel… but a big part of me feels deprived and bored. I’m sure if I had the patience to make all the elaborate, scrumptious-looking raw meals, that I wouldn’t have this issue with perceived deprivation, however, I don’t have the patience required for the preparation and I just end up eating formulaic, monotonous things that irritate and mock the glutton within me. I plan to still eat high raw… but in addition, I’ll have to eat some cooked and soy. I’m too dependent on cooked foods… I’m too dependent on the cooking process, the warmth, the variety, etc. I have resolved to eat Vegan and to eat largely raw… but I think I do need some cooked and I would like to have some soy yogurt (which is something I used to eat as dessert, pre-raw. I’d eat yogurt with fresh fruit, and that would be my sweet-fix.) The soy yogurt will be the only soy thing in my diet, aside from perhaps occasional salad dressing. Every thing else I eat will be fresh fruit and vegetables (whether I cook them or eat them raw), and fresh grains (organic quinoa, maybe some oat groats or rolled oats, etc), and I was thinking Manna and/or Ezekiel bread. I just hate what I’ve been doing to myself, and I think I need my diet to be more stable and I need to be more consistent with it and I need to cut myself some slack. It just became so apparent to me that being primarily raw is unrealistic, for right now. I have confidence that I will get more raw as I go along, and I still fully intend to be raw as much as I can.
I just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate you all. I am so grateful for this community. And I am so happy to have discovered raw, even if being raw is some thing I may not be fully capable of at this time. I’ve tried my hardest. I guess I just can’t put my whole heart into it right now. But I’d like to think that I’m a little closer. I just love every one of you, and I admire you all so much, and I’m just so… appreciative. Thank you for your support.