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The devil on my shoulder

My daughter just graduated from college. I drove from NM to CA with her two brothers to attend her graduation this past week. I was determined at the start to stay All Raw for the duration of the trip.

The first day on the road was great! Apples, bananas, grapefruit, tomatoes.

The second day I was feeling tired from all the driving and thought, gee, I haven’t had coffee since going raw, ONE cup won’t hurt. So…. I stopped at Starbucks. Did I get a small regular cup ‘o joe, black? Hell no. I guzzled down a venti mocha with whipped cream and extra chocolate goop on top.

The third day we arrived! It’s Santa Cruz, baby! Fruit trees in everyone’s yard! So exotic! A veritable raw paradise. Did I pick the pomelos and loquats from the yard of my daughter’s rented home? Hell, no. I ate: spaghetti, cake cake cake, more cake, potato salad, three-bean salad, bread bread bread bread, MORE coffee loaded with sugar and chocolate, FRIED FOOD! And that was BEFORE the graduation party!

The ride home was melancholy. Gotta have more coffee to stay awake! Oh yes, please, a danish with that coffee would be lovely…

Ugh. Yuck times a million. Here I am, the “morning after,” and I must have gained ten pounds in one week. I am bloated, breaking out, and probably smell but can’t tell because my nose is stuffed up. And my back hurts like hades.

I guess I realized that leaving my little protected umbrella of raw at home was much more difficult than I thought. It’s amazing how many little memories of food, of perceived needs we carry in those deep recesses of our minds. Coffee?! What the hell was I thinking?! It was an old pattern, though, and it resurfaced the moment I left town.

Boy, I will NEVER EVER do that again. Lesson learned.

Pass the watermelon, please. And any advice on how not to beat myself up so much for being such a SAD-a-holic would be most welcome.

Comments

  • angie207angie207 Raw Newbie

    Birdie – I’ve missed you! Thanks for sharing your story! HAHAHAHA! You made me laugh the way you said it :) Just enjoy raw food – allow yourself to LOVE IT & let the joy of it just push out the “other” stuff – let your raw food angel kick that little devil right off your shoulder – Or, just listen & pay attention to the raw food “angel” and let the “devil” pout & go away :) You rock!

  • TzefiraTzefira Raw Newbie

    Aww…. when i give in and have a crappy issue like that.. i drink a while lot of green juices to cleance my self out. That and the green juices make me feel better about myself. dont beat yourself up…... it happens. Like you said “lesson learned” :)

  • Angie – I’ve missed you, too!!! I’m back online, out of school for the summer, back home from California, and looking for trouble. : ) I am going to feast on watermelon today. I bought a humongous one from a fruit stand alongside the road on the trip home and can’t wait to dig in.

    Tzefira, thank so much for the kind thoughts. I am without a blender at the moment, pout! I had to save up my money for the trip to my daughter’s graduation, so my next thing to save up and get is a new blender. I wanna drink some green juices!

  • Oh wow! Thanks for sharing! Oh yes, I can see it happening, and maybe your little incedent will make others stronger in simular situations. I was just telling my son the other day that coffee is a trigger for me that puts me into a relentless cycle. coffee – sugar – meat – coffee – ect! Sorry to hear that you missed out on the yummie backyard fruits! I’ll bet you wish you had a second chance at those! Our mulberries are almost ripe, here! Can’t wait! :)

  • And gosh, it needs to be said: It is SO HARD to party (uh, I didn’t even mention the beer I drank at the party! And champagne!) with non-raw people. It was a potluck party, and the only dish approaching raw was the coleslaw, which was drowning in mayo.

  • gorawmom, thanks! I did manage to pick a whole brown grocery bag of pomelos. YAY!! I stuffed ‘em in the back of my station wagon and drove them home as if they were invited guests. I didn’t eat ‘em, though! I kept thinking about it, but that damn devil kept saying “Oh look! Another Starbucks!”

  • Yay for you!!! You can be good in the privacy of your own home! LOL! Hey, at least your family has a great memory of the fun you all had without making them feel, um should we say guilty? Yes, that is what my son is dealing with, with his girl friend. She says he makes her feel like a fat slob, and she is a toothpick!

  • gorawmom, I may never leave my home again. I’ll be one of those old ladies with forty-nine parrots and newspapers piled up everywhere.

    Yeah, I thought about that during the drive home while my boys were sleeping. I didn’t make anyone feel weird or worried about my diet. LOL. I sure matched everyone, cheeto for cheeto.

  • angie207angie207 Raw Newbie

    Heeheehee :D You crack me up – I’m going to be thinking about that now if I ever have a moment of insanity thinking raw is too hard, or I’ll just have a little… “Oh, look! Another Starbucks!” :D I’m going on a trip later this summer, & I’ll probably be eating fruit & cracking up every time we pass a Starbucks & my mom will wonder why I keep saying “Oh, look! Another Starbucks!” & laughing – especially since I don’t drink coffee :) heeheehee, I can’t wait!

  • I’m also realizing that it’s relatively easy to be raw in this tiny town. No Starbucks where I live! It’s a tiny New Mexican town, and what I once thought was a lack of good places to eat, things to do, and places to shop is now one huge, honking benefit. There ain’t nothin’ to do here but eat watermelon. Thank goddess!!!

    Angie, that is hilarious!!! okay, it’s the new catchphrase around here, too. Even my 13 year old woke up saying, “Hey mom, wanna go to Starbucks. snicker.”

  • angie207angie207 Raw Newbie

    :D THAT is hilarious! Good morning laughter – fantastic way to start my day – I needed it today :D

  • Oh, look! Another Starbucks! ;) We just got a Starbucks into our town as we were going raw! My son said that was his only regret about raw, that he never got to go to our own Starbucks!

    Speaking of caffinated beverages, I gave the boys a little challenge about a year ago, that if they would go off of caffeen they would get taller. Well, being boys, and wanting to grow taller, they took me up on it even though they were doubious! Low and behold, and would you know, they both went through a growing spurt!!! Of course life eventually handed them another cup of coffee and they accepted. Now that they are raw, guess what? Another growing spurt! Wonder of wonders!

  • anngoingrawanngoingraw Raw Newbie

    I posted about this same problem some days ago (“the good side of eating sad”).

    I think that my “social life” will be soooooo hard, nobody is raw, vegan or vegetarian, and everybody likes to celebrate whatever eating out! I have just learned that eating SAD again is HARD! So I’ll have to learn now what to do in this carnivorous festins ^^

  • bittbitt Raw Starter

    oh. i’m sorry it was so hard. it sounds like one of those dam broke open kinda things. coffee and sugar are definitely little devils! so are cheetoes!

    socializing with non-raw can be a problem. i went to a picnic on Tuesday and everybody was like, “why aren’t you eating the Newman-Os? They are vegan!” Are you trying to make me cheat??? Then I overcompensated and ate too much unwashed non-organic fruit and got sick. I’m still trying to figure out the lesson there. I suppose to bring your own food. Or live in a bubble. Or live in a house with 49 nine parrots and birdseed. Actually, I will live in a house with lots of cats and dogs who appreciate my raw appetite. little birdie, just be glad you don’t live in seattle where you cannot even walk down the street without the whiff of coffee tempting you every block!

  • KelleySKelleyS Raw Newbie

    oh god… i ate vegan cake and ice cream today… as well as couscous and black bean soup… my stomach is going to be MESSED UP tomorrow. bad idea.

    i went on a great run tonight so at least i burned it off. i was just seriously CRAVING sweets today since i got my period… normally i’ll just eat a date or two and it will be fine… but i was out so instead of walking to the food co-op to buy more i decided to walk to the vegan bakery that is fortunately/unfortunately 3 blocks a way. you know what happened next… i ate vegan cake and ice cream D:

  • BeTheChangeBeTheChange Raw Newbie

    Hm, since when you give in to non-raw foods, you give in to cake and chocolate and such, I would suggest perhaps going vegan completely and then raw? That way, you will first fend off the cravings for a lot of SAD things, and then you will have a much easier transition to raw.

  • BeTheChangeBeTheChange Raw Newbie

    and coffeeooooohhhhhhhhh coffeeI am in a rush, but I will be back to share some experiences! I am a full time barista! There are a few good forums on this topic, too.

  • anngoingraw, I will have to check out your “the good side of eating sad” thread tonight. It’s tough, isn’t it? I think I am much better prepared (mentally, that is) for my next round of social obligations.

    bitt, you were so much stronger at your family picnic! You are an inspiration to me. I know that we started going raw roughly at the same time, and I’ve gotten so much out of your posts. Thank you.

    Kelley, big hugs to you, girl! I hope your tummy was okay today after your vegan cooked splurge. Today I had only watermelon all day (a HUGE watermelon, the whole blasted thing), so I feel much better, and my stomach is soothed by the big red beast.

    BeTheChange, a barista! I want to hear stories! Do you drink coffee? I have found giving up coffee and tea the hardest part of going raw. I need a good substitute.

  • bittbitt Raw Starter

    little birdie thank you. i do think we are going through similar stuff such as medication, etc. i had a total relapse on b-day but i planned it in advance so it was different i think. i have gone through 11 years of not eating wheat and get really sick from eating it so i am used to saying know. what i USED to do is make up for not eating wheat with eating non-wheat junk food. that is what i am not doing anymore.

    HUGS TO ALL.

  • germin8germin8 Raw Master

    I’m still trying to figure out the lesson there.

    bitt you got sick from eating unwashed non-organic fruit? What???! You should have gone for the newmans! (not really…) I’m just surprised you would get sick for making the ‘better’ selection. Hopefully, it was the overeating and not what you were eating.

  • bittbitt Raw Starter

    germin8 it may have just been a GI bug. you know what i mean. it took a few days to get out of my system. yup, i have googled raw foods at first when i went raw and it says one of the risks is that some fruit carry bacteria from people handling them, etc. not gonna stop eating it though!!

  • BeTheChangeBeTheChange Raw Newbie

    OK, LittleBirdie—So yes, I am a full-time barista in St. Louis, at THE most popular place in the city. I was never really a coffee drinker until I started there, and then came to looooove it. Not just for the caffeine, but for the ritual of it all: wake up, make something that tastes great and is comforting, and then share it with others for a few hours as I get to know them and also help to make them feel good. Yes, it’s a drug addiction, but it really is satisfying helping to start someone’s day…anyways, where I work, coffee is more than caffeine, but something to be entirely appreciated. THere are so many types to try, so much to learn about what separates one coffee from the next, capiche? SO, naturally, I always had to try a shot of this, a cup of that, etc etc until whooooooa my skin started to break out, my digestive tract absolutely hated me, and it would make me eat cooked foods. I had been entirely raw for 3 months until I started to regularly drink coffee and then it was alllll downhill. I gained weight, I started eating breadstuffs and too much sugar, it was really actually quite terrible! I have never been physically addicted, but it is literally my job to make sure that people’s drinks taste good and that they are up to par, and I ENJOY doing it! It is like being a chef making the best birthday cake ever—sure, it’s not good for anyone, but it makes people happy. SO, next, I came to this site and asked for advice, and people were soooooo supportive. I found out that the best thing that worked for me was keeping a green drink powder on hand behind the bar, and whenever I had too much coffee, I made a bit of green drink chock-full of probiotics and such, and downed it. I also then started having coffee in smaller mugs, and then eventually to those ittybitty 4oz shot glasses (two a day over 8 hours). When I learned that I could trust my hand at making drinks without tasting them, simply from experience, I sometimes go entire days without coffee. The majority of the time, i look at a cup, and look at the acid layer on top and think EW!!! and am completel repulsed, just because my body knows better than to put it in. Coffee is the worst and best stuff ever on the planet and it is so hard, especially in our society, to give it up, because it plays such a crucial role on many levels—socially, economically, etc etc. Like fom behind the bar, it is everywhere, and the smell alone is an incredible experience! It’s just a matter of learning to enjoy it in moderation.

    Aside from the green drinks, Celestial Seasonings has a tea called Roastarama, made from roasted chicory and barley root, and it has no caffeine but amazingly a similar thickness as coffee and is a good substitute for weaning off. When you are craving the taste of coffee, try not to eat anything sweet, since the two flavors are immediately paired in our minds whether we realize it or not; have a handful of dark greens or something neutral like a cucumber or tomato or lemon. Kombucha is great for getting over cravings. If you just HAVE to have coffee, have it, but only have half of what you would normally, you know? Or ask for half-caff, although let me tell you, it is not that big of a difference, unless you ask for decaf, which still technically has caffeine in it. If you make it at home, and include some sort of creamer, sugars, etc in your coffee, STOP. All of those additions feed cooked food addictions! ANYHOO, I hope that this kind of helps, and let me know if you have any further questions at all!

  • anngoingrawanngoingraw Raw Newbie

    littlebirdie – you’re right i’m know more consciuos about my eating choices and i know better my limits (i can handle some SAD foods in little quantities, but more than that i know now they bring me back discomfort and pains).

  • Be the Change: what green powder did you use while coming off coffee? I am trying to do the same… what is it about the green powder that works do you think?

  • bitt, YES, we have much in common. Especially the back pain issues. It’s been up and down on raw – feeling so much better a few weeks in, then a roller coaster of pain/no pain. I have been reading your thread and will comment on it in a bit.

    Bethechange – I had a helluva caffeine withdrawl over the past week and a half, detoxing from my Sad Binge From Hades. Ugh. I stuck a rubber band around my wrist, and flicked it every time I thought about getting coffee. Thank goddess I have no Starbucks in my town, but we do have a sweet little coffee shop. I did it – I kept away, the urge is abating. I ended up doing the 811 thing over the past couple of weeks to detox, and it’s going well. I’m feeling better, much less gross and bloated. The healing powers of fruit! I’m not looking at this as a long-term diet, but it feels great as a detox sort of thing.

  • bittbitt Raw Starter

    I’m glad you found something. The coffee urges will get a lot better after 2 weeks. Well at least I hope so. Fruit is amazing. I just can’t get enough of it some days.

  • wanna_B_rawwanna_B_raw Raw Newbie

    BeTheChange said: “I would suggest perhaps going vegan completely and then raw? That way, you will first fend off the cravings for a lot of SAD things, and then you will have a much easier transition to raw.”

    I totally agree. I have been on and off the wagon for over a year now. Then I realized- It took me 3 years as a vegetarian before I started to eat more like a vegan. It may very well take me 3 years to be completely raw. So instead of beating myself up, I am making vegan choices, knowing I will eventually transition into completely raw.

    The best thing about trying to go raw from a vegetarian/vegan diet is that when I slip, I am not eating meat or dairy products. My choices are limited!

    Good luck littlebirdie!

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