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I am writing because I need some counseling. My poor hubby is having a very hard time with the raw thing. We have been about 75% raw until Monday (Tuesday for him) and decided to do 100% for 2 weeks just to see if we could do it and how it affected our health. He has been dropping inches (and weight) which is great for him! He wasn’t too overweight to start with but his LDL was high on his last bout of blood work and we have been working towards a healthier him. He’s only 25 so we needed to do something! :) Since going 75% raw he has dropped from a 38 to a 36 (today got comfortably into the 36). The reason we were 75% raw is because I love baking bread! I am not even kidding you when I say LOVE! It is hands down on of my favorite things. I love bread and he does as well. But I am not carb addicted like he is so I am doing a lot better with the transition.
Alright there is the basic background. Can anyone offer any advice for him. I did a search in the forum and found some stuff but not much. He isn’t getting enough food, I know that. I think his metabolism has speed up and he feels like the only way he can compensate is through consuming grains (carbs). My bread wasn’t bad but it isn’t raw… He’s highly irritable, really fidgety and constantly on the defensive. This isn’t like him. We had a big blow out argue today about NOTHING…and that NEVER happens. Please, ANY advice/recommendations would be GREATLY appreciated!
Thanks!
Comments
You probably need to tell us what he’s eating and his exercise/physical activity, including work.
Make sure you eat sprouts every day, along with greens and plenty of variety of fruit. Some people feel better with nuts in their diet; I’m one of them.
I must agree with Superfood. Also do you juice or make green smoothies? Variety variety variety too and not just in fruit. Hope things go better for you quickly.
VeggiePrincess~ All sorts of things might be attributed to detox with any shift to a healthier lifestyle. It is ok to slow down the process and transition slower. Check out Detoxing/Cleansing/Correcting Response on Gone Raw for some info about detoxing. Consuming lots of water and peeing & pooping (at least once a day, more is great too!) is really important during this phase.
As for your baking urges, check out some of the raw breads and goodies on the site (there are recipes for bagels, onion bread, wraps, etc.) If you don’t have a dehydrator, there are plenty of threads discussing drying in a conventional oven and even drying stuff in the sun. Also, there are tons of recipes for desserts that are much healthier than cooked desserts, some simple, some more complex to make.
As for the blowups, see what happens if you don’t engage in a conflict (you have to make a very conscious decision about this and sometimes you will recognize you are reacting part way through the blowup, still works to stop at that point). Let hubby talk, scream, whatever so he can get it out of his system during this transition and acknowledge what he says because that is how it is for him at this point. Avoid dismissing him by saying that whatever is being said is detox, that may only fuel the situation. Also realize you might be going through the same thing and thus you are “sensitive” to the situation also. For some, coping mechanisms are challenged during detox or any stress to the system. Some also go through what is called “emotional detox” where emotional “stuff” comes up in addition to physical “stuff.” Most likely it is temporary and triggered by the nutritional intake shift. It is very heart warming to see your partnership with your hubby.
Be kind to yourselves in addition to each other. Sending y’all much healing energy. To your wellness…
More information may be helpful. His body may also not be ready for this change right now. If he is having health issues at such a young age, then he may consider making this transition a little more slowly. It’s great that he is seeing positive results at 75%, but it sounds like the irritibility is new since going 100% raw – and it’s only been one day. Our bodies are infinitely wise and listening to their cues is really important. As wonderful and healing as a raw diet is, it takes some easing into after many years of traditional eating. Best wishes to his and your health!
Wise words, Bluedolfin! Well said.
Lady Raven~ Always easier to be the one looking in rather than the one in the situation. Thank you for the generous words. :)
So true. Life does appear easier from the observation deck! Thank the heavens we have such a supportive forum in times of need. :)
He is having a hard time with anything really new. We made “tacos” last night and he gorged himself to the point of his stomach distending. He isn’t getting sprouts every day and he fights eating Kale as well as some other greens. He gets them down but grumbles the entire time. He really doesn’t, I just feel like he does because I am so into doing this. We aren’t getting green smoothies. No Vitamix or juicer yet (I’m working on that). But he is getting a variety of fresh fruits and veggies as well as some nuts. I was really impressed that he wanted to try the taco’s since neither of us really like walnuts. It was funny, he said something interesting, he said “when I started eating this it was amazing and then as I continued the flavor stopped being so good and it’s really not doing it for me anymore…” Mind you that was after probably 5 or 6 tacos…piggy :-p Most of his outbursts are attacking me so it’s really hard for me not to respond. Yesterday it was me asking him what kind of walnuts he got (b/c he went to the conventional store) he said they were fine and just walnuts. I was surprised so I double checked “just walnuts huh, cool” and he said meekly “with BHT.” I was like WHAT! I’m not eating that. And he flipped out…it was not fun for me. It resulted in me getting up and getting out of my comfy cloths to go to Whole Foods and get some Raw Walnuts. He decided to come and apologized probably 10 times. Anyway, Whole Foods is like 30 minutes away that’s why he hadn’t gone. But he really wanted to try the taco’s so I wanted to encourage that. We do have a fruit smoothie in the wee hours of the AM with Raw Hemp Protein. We get up super early for work so this is a good starter when your tummy still hasn’t waken up. I find the detox information interesting. That would make sense. At 75% he was a little sensitive about things but not bad. I am growing sprouts now…they should be ready today. We will see how this goes the next few days. Thanks!
It sounds like you need to work on communicating with each other with love, not necessarily a “raw diet” issue.
If we are both detoxing and doing so emotionally wouldn’t it be a raw diet issue? Since I feel that I am hyper-sensitive right now I will come back to your post at a later point in time and hopefully I will find it more constructive. Thank you.
Veggie princess, I can sympathise, My BF is not raw at all but does want to lose weight, but when I put him on a low fat diet of foods he is unfamiliar with or that are just not the fattening stuff he wants to eat he gets upset and grumpy, and tells me off! I guess what I am trying to say is that I can totally see that this might be just a diet thing that is making your BF grumpy! Give my BF a pizza and some beer and he is a lovely friendly hugging type of person, make him feel short of food, or not the food he wants = bad mood!
No, because many people have different stressors in their lives and they can still communicate with others effectively. I think to blame this all on detoxing or a raw diet is to take the blame away from yourselves. Everyone has issues with communicating, whether all the time or some of the time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or that you find me to be less constructive – trust me, I’m not judging at all! I’m trying to help; otherwise I wouldn’t post.
I just think if you love him, tell him so; if you want to relieve some of the detoxing stress, express your love to him. That’s all. You’re in a relationship for love and affection, I assume? Go get some!
Good point, superfood, my BF says to me that when he is being horrid I have to tell him I love him and ask for a hug!
I am just curious… is he really into doing raw, or is it that you want him to be? I try not to force my eating habits on my husband. I will incorporate raw foods/ dishes into meals when cooking for both of us, and he often wants to eat salad, but we don’t discuss it, and I don’t try to tell him what to eat. Perhaps this just isn’t the way for him to go? I could be wrong though… I’m not there, and I don’t know him or how he eats or used to eat.
I realize that when I am hard on my husband about food and health choices it is most often when I am struggling with making a decision within myself. For example: I am having a hard time sticking to 100% raw. I just haven’t made up my mind yet whether I want to be 100% or not and it really bothers me. My poor husband is an easy target because every time he eats something that isn’t raw or does something “unhealthy” it is an outward manifestation of what I am struggling with and I pounce on him.
Well—this went on for a little while anyways until I realized what was happening. Now I am giving my self permission to explore raw foods at a slower pace—without having to go 100% right away- and things have felt much better. As soon as I apologized and explained to him that I was unknowingly being hard on him about raw food because I was struggling with the decision myself he immediately understood and comforted me.
Change is hard, but things have been much better and I feel like we’re in this together. Hang in there, VeggiePrincess :) go easy on eachother…
From the words of wise Valya Boutenko: “There are more important things than health, such as love, happiness, and peace; eating poorly is not as harmful as living with feelings of resentment.”
I also wanted to say, be gentle with yourself, VeggiePrincess, after reading these posts. I reread my post and some of the others and realized that if this was advice to myself a couple of months ago I would have felt upset or ashamed. But trust me—most of us- if not all of us—who are posting here have been where you’re at. We can sympathize just because we’ve been there before and we feel your pain and we want to share what made us feel better in hopes that we can make you feel better too. But really we’re all just going through a tangle of similar experiences and none of us knows any better than anyone else; and certainly none of us knows any better than you about how you and your husband will make it through this… it is a path that the two of you have to create on your own :)
So here’s lots of (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to the both of you :)
right jellibi…... This is just my personal view on things, as I have been in similar situations before. My poor husband silently takes a lot of abuse from me already! If I started telling him he had to cut out this and that he would be sooooo unhappy. he is in good health though. If he wasn’t that would be a different story, and I would be more persuasive :)
jellibi~ Well said! Bravo!
First and for most, thank you. Jellibi & Chicory, your words are greatly appreciated and I don’t misunderstand your intentions. It is conveyed in your words. As far as my husband goes, this has been his choice. The only time I am forceful with my opinions on him is when he purchases something for the two of us that he knows I absolutely wouldn’t eat. And this is what happened with the nuts preserved with the BHT. I am not being hard on myself, I am trying to make things easier for him. That is why I was searching for information(and maybe cures) on why he seems to be so affected by this. We have a very open, honest relationship and are able to discus a lot of things, but when he gets like this (even if it is pursuing something that he wishes to do) he is very hard to be around (and since we commute an hour each way with each other and work together) I want to enjoy being around him. Very few of the posts made me upset. I understand people have their best intentions at heart, and greatly appreciate that. I was simply trying to give some background so that I could get better suggestions on how I can help my husband transition since this is something that he wishes to do. He wants to be healthy and keep up with me (I’m a bit of a spaz) and he isn’t “not healthy” but he definitely could be healthier. I love my husband dearly and just want to offer him some support, that was the main goal of my original post. If it is detoxing at least I have something to offer him, he gets very hard on himself and when he does that he starts to get very down. I was attempting a preemptive strike by providing him with some knowledge and alternatives so that he isn’t miserable. I am going to have him read Jellibi’s posts because I feel they apply more to him than me! Thanks!
Sometimes on message boards, we hear things we don’t want to hear and/or get upset and blame a poster. If what I said had no merit, why not just laugh it off? You can’t blame me if you’re upset.
Hey everyone—really great posts/ advice/ love.
I just wanted to say VeggiePrincess, a normal blender will blend spinach fairly well, as well as other softer lettuces and the like. You might have to give it 3-5 passes…(with time in between as to not get too hot), but you can still have a nice green smoothie in under 5 minutes!
My husband has been eating lots of raw with me, he being a meat eater and heavy dairy eater, and his first week was tough in that he felt grumpy, short-tempered and HUNGRY often. I think the slower start for him was right on.
I am sending positive energy your way-Kirsten
I am going to have him read Jellibi’s posts because I feel they apply more to him than me! Thanks!
Trust me, young jedi, those words were for you and not your husband :)
(just being a goofball about the “jedi” thing. It’s something we say to each other in our family for a good laugh.)
But seriously, the words, love, intention, was all meant for you, VeggiePrincess. Reason being: your husband hasn’t posted anything about his experience. This is all about you.
jellibi, I feel like a young “jedi.” :) I think that’s part of what I love about nutrition. My husband is more passive. That’s why I was going to let him read your post. He gets inspiration from some of the strangest things…maybe that’s just because he’s from mars? Maybe I wanted to show him to encourage him that other people have internal conflicts? I dunno. I appreciate the words, love, intention though! Thank you!
kirsten, thanks for the info! I’ll see how the “magic bullet” does! :-p