i'm not sure if i posted this in the right forum, but anyway...
i'm 18 and recently went raw vegan after being vegetarian for 6 or so years. the only problem is, at the moment, it's proving to be a little more difficult - instead of helping me on the road to health, trying to force discipline onto myself has helped me develop a deeper version of my already-present eating disorder. it's not the raw, necessarily, it's trying to have any discipline - it really started when i began counting calories, but since restricting myself even more, it's gotten a lot more intense: i'm talking bingeing every single night, feeling horribly guilty, restricting the next day. i've been trying 80-10-10, which helps for a while, but then i get these ridiculous addictive cravings that i don't feel like i can push away. i've gained a lot of weight (i went from 108 at the beginning of the summer to about 140!) and i want to get to a normal weight without necessarily counting calories like a madman, but still keeping track, and eating healthy amounts without THINKING about it so much.
the thing is, i am a really positive person, and i know that it's ME who's causing my failure - but try telling that to yourself when you simply don't care: that's a different story! i get to a point where i really just say screw it, and just eat a lot of whatever i want, raw or not. and i know this is really terrible for me, but it feels so out of my control! i know, i know, it's in my control, it's just so hard to reason with myself when i'm feeling a binge coming on.
so i don't know, i was wondering: those of you who got over your eating disorders of various types, how did you manage to do this? what can i do, for instance, to prevent a binge? i'm open to any advice... i'm really just ready to get on the road to health as soon as possible. thank you all so much for your time.
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i know exactly what you're talking about, except i would usually purge after bingeing. I've decided to first become a vegan, one that eats a lot of raw food. I recommend reading the china study. it is about, among many other things, the discovery that as long as you eat whole, vegan foods, you can eat as many calories as you want and still lose weight. In China they eat around 3500 calories a day and they're much healthier. You just have to stay away from all sweeteners and white flour (bread, pasta, etc.) I personally choose not to eat tofu or any weird processed vegan fake things.
I was 100% raw for a month. It started out well but eventually I started bingeing on sweets and then on non-raw things. I think you need to be in a very good place before going 100% raw. So first doing a whole food vegan diet is the best choice in my opinion.
thank all of you so much for your suggestions... i think what is best to do for me is probably to eat as simply as possible, as raw as possible, and really just force myself to sit there through cravings and get out of the house to avoid binges. you all have really wonderful advice to give and i thank you all a lot for it.
also, suasoria, it's not specific what i'd binge on, sometimes i'd make a mix of flaxseed, agave, and cocao powder (it tastes like brownie batter, mmm) or just eat way too many dates and nuts. other times, whatever was around (my mom had some junk foods arournd here) which is really the worst.
celestial, thank you so much for your take on everything/your support, it is really wonderful to hear something from someone who went through it and came out in the end okay.
i don't even know what my underlying emotional issues may be, but i suppose i won't find out if i continually "numb myself with food." i think i am off too a good start... it is never too late to start over, right :)
Hi, Marta,
I haven't read all the previous comments in detail and hopefully I won't repeat too much. I've definitely had issues before and am still working on my health. I'm guessing that some people would probably disagree with me a good amount, but I'll offer my opinion for what it's worth.
Myself, I'm generally a healthy-eating vegetarian-leaning opportunistic omnivorous eater and trying to eat more raw. I'd like to be mostly raw at some point as I definitely see the health benefits here. However, I definitely can't go 100% raw at this point --- I WOULD get cravings and doing something that you feel is restrictive just forces all the more action in the opposite direction.
I am inclined to think that having emotional difficulties associated with eating disorders is worse than not being all vegan raw. Stress is a huge factor in creating illness. The human body is also adaptable and can handle a certain percentage of healthy cooked foods. I've heard that it's a good idea to pick out some generally healthy items that you like that may not adhere exactly to your diet and let those be your "treats" while otherwise eating what you think you should be eating. I find that I physically feel best when I have some meat once in a while, so I go ahead.
Moreover, one good meal after a bad one does a lot of immediate repair, as studies show, so try not to feel guilty. You're doing a lot of stuff right, and that's all that anyone could ever ask of themselves. I swore off certain items like sugar and alcohol altogether, but am otherwise trying to "ease in". I've picked some raw foods that I really like and try not to cook vegetables at all, but then have some cooked grains, beans, and occasional meat. I actually just felt down for no reason yesterday and binged on a piece of dark chocolate lying around from a couple of years ago. But just try to say to yourself that it's not a big deal (and I don't think it is, especially if you're binging on foods generally considered healthy) -- I'll now eat something really healthy and everything is fine -- it's all about balance. Health has many aspects, not just the diet -- go for a walk, read a good book, meet up with a friend and relax. Maybe you've just had something cooked, but you're doing other things to compensate. If you feel like you're getting most things right without too much restriction, I think that you won't be THINKING about food so much and, over time, you'll find it easier to adhere to a more rigorous diet also.
Hope that helps...
that was all really helpful information - thank all of you. rawkidchef, i've found that having rolled oats (which aren't really raw) and almond milk with raisins kind of kills all my other cravings, but making cooked broth sounds like a good idea, so i'll probably do tha too. i think for the transition period, getting rid of this disorder, i'm going to start making some cooked vegan soups, just vegetable soups, and have them in moderation.
zoe, thank you fory our kind words! do you know where i'd find a therapist or doctor or someone i could talk to about things who wouldn't condemn raw veganism? the doctor i had before really didn't even like vegetarianism; thought it was "risky", and i don't know if i can talk to someone who's going to have that sort of opinion from the get-go-- they'll tell me i'm cutting out too much, that i'm malnourished, etc., which definitely isn't true.
monkeyy, i think the advice you gave was really wonderful... i am right now eating cooked vegan, well, about 90% raw and then having some cooked vegan food when i really have crravings, in small amounts. it's been helpful, thus far.
and a question to anyone who reads this, where do you find your motivation when life seems bleak? i feel so conflicted about things, lately, and i know this disorder isn't just food or weight related...
DinkoZlatina's experience is very interesting; I could definitely see it working for some, if not most, people. I wonder if it also works for unusual people who are actually prone to losing weight unless they eat a very high-calorie diet...
As far as getting motivated: I'm going to caveat this right now -- always easier to give advice than follow it! (Though I'll have to try and do this tonight myslef:))
I think it's important to accept the feeling, figure out why you're upset, and make some sort of immediate progress toward change/or at least get inspired and have fun.
If you feel like there's no good reason for feeling down, it may be associated with your diet or otherwise related to your body's physical chemistry. Cardiovascular exercise is good, and some people may be low on carbs (I'm no expert, but it seems like sometimes people crave things that they actually need); sunshine is also crucial.
If you feel like you know the cause, then I feel like it helps to make a baby step toward progress or at least figure out how you're going to address the issue ASAP in order to feel like you have the issue under control so that you can relax. Either way, I think it's important to say to yourself that A) it's more or less natural and happens to everybody -- and thus correctable--and you can do it! B) You're going to begin to make things better right now -- whether that's actually resolving the specific problem or doing something else that you think is positive -- helping someone else, achieving another goal, etc. At the same time, ask yourself what WOULD make you feel better -- seeing a friend or maybe watching a movie that you think is inspiring or makes you feel good; this clearly depends on your personality. Depending whether you're A, B, or a combination thereof, you'll need to fix the problem, forget about the problem, or something in between (though I tend to think that it's always best to fix the problem and do something positive/productive as opposed to just forgetting the problem.)
Studies also show that people can only make improvements on a select number of fronts at the same time -- so it's important to prioritize goals and be happy with what you're accomplishing as opposed to what you're not accomplishing. I don't think anyone's life is ever perfect, but I think many people are more fortunate than they think, so a part of it is just enjoying what you have and striving for excellence, as opposed to perfection.
Finally, I think some people just want to ENJOY life. For some others, I think this quotation describes how they feel, and the solution to which I think is a balance of seeing the glass half full and striving for excellence (but not perfection). (And most people are probably in between these two aspirations):
"Yet this is the view with which--in various degrees of longing, wistfulness, passion, and agonized confusion--the best of mankind's youth start out in life. It is not even a view, for most of them, but a foggy, groping, undefined sense made of raw pain and incommunicable happiness. It is a sense of enormous expectation, the sense that one's life is important, that great achievements are within one's capacity, and that great things lie ahead."
I was a bad girl today....last weekend also. I won't even tell you what I had for dinner. I went 22 days doing well w/ my eating and then...blah. I have a bad attitude because people around me think I'm crazy and being here is the only support around. "Oooh Janelle, what's for dinner? Another apple and beet salad?????"
Thanks for being here guys.
Maybe you could try juicing for breakfast and lunch or however many times during the day, and eat something "normal" for dinner. i've been doing this with my one meal being vegetarian because i get too disappointed when the %100 raw thing doesn't work out. i find that i do not have the same cravings when i have raw juices throughout the day. It's like my body is saying, yeah i only want more of that stuff you had earlier. i know i will merge to %100 eventually and i love how light i feel throughout the day on just green juices (i mix fruit in- can't take the taste). For me, not having a dehydrator yet has been an obstacle. i wish you the best and i think it's awesome that you've reached out for help in a sensible place.. lot's of good people here that are not just followers.