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Confession of a Cheater

I've been very bad. I've been eating junk. I feel yucky. I went on a road trip and didn't pack a lunch/dinner and thought a junk day would be okay. It wasn't. I feel sad. I was on a great road w/out cravings and I cheated out of convenience. I feel scumy inside and out. I feel like purging. Can someone send a smile?

Comments

  • I can totally relate, but it's really not worth it to purge, now that you're on this path toward better health. I think we NEED occasional slip-ups to remind our bodies how yucky SAD/cooked/processed foods can make us feel. If you're feeling the need to bounce back from this setback more quickly, you could try a giant glass of lemon water in the morning tomorrow followed by a much later breakfast, to help clear the effects of today's diet. That's worked well in the past for me. Hope you're feeling better tomorrow!

    ( :-) :-) :-) )

  • don't feel bad!! ; )

  • I'm known to cheat at least once a week. I'm not 100% raw, and I do love potato chips with hot sauce. It's my weakness, not sure why I give in to the food cravings, but I do. Most of the time my body feels like crap afterwards, but I always go back. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's not the worse thing you could have done. Plan ahead for trips, always keep fruit available or buy a salad. ALWAYS carry water, natural appetite suppressor. Feel better. Good Luck!

  • 1sweetpea1sweetpea Raw Newbie

    Marionvalleygirl, nobody is perfect. Yes, you might have prevented the junky day by bringing foods for your road trip, but for whatever reason, you didn't. No big deal. Today is a new day. There's no reason to think that you aren't still on that "great road w/out cravings". I don't think you caved due to cravings so much as necessity. You needed to eat, so you ate what was available. If it made you feel crappy, then it will only strengthen your resolve to return to what makes you feel healthy. Next time, pack lots of food in a cooler and feel confident that you have everything you need to get you through your road trip without requiring stops at junky convenience stores or unhealthy restaurants. Whatever you do, don't purge. It's not a solution to one bad day in a sea of great days. Being so black and white in your thinking will set you up to fail yourself. You haven't failed yourself. Maybe you were testing yourself, to see which way you prefer. Clearly you prefer how you feel doing raw, so stick with it. Every so often you'll find yourself eating non-raw, either out of necessity, politeness or desire. Don't sweat it. If 95% of your diet is super healthy, who cares about the other 5%?

  • How 'bout this?

    Yes, purge. Purge yourself of your guilty feelings and stress, not of the food.

    It happens. You're still on a good path, it was just a little bump in the road. Don't beat yourself up.

    *hugs*

  • ZoeZoe Raw Newbie

    Really don't worry about it. When I went 100% I decided that I would eat 100% raw food, but if I had a cooked food craving that lasted for more than 6 hours I'd just have it.

    At first Id have cravings quite a lot, maybe once a week, but because the rest of the time I was stuffing my face with raw food, the cravings got further and further apart. After a year and a half I really didn't cheat much. Now I hardly ever cheat. Maybe once a year!

  • marionvalleygirlmarionvalleygirl Raw Newbie

    The only thing I learned is that my taste buds have changed. I still smell that smell and I don't want to smell like them...I was upset. My hands smelled and when I woke up listerine didn't help me. I even tried to coat my mouth with chocolate! Nothing worked. Here's the sad thing....it's hard enough finding a nice guy. I can't date a guy that eats meat now. That just lowered my chance in the pork and beef capital of the US. I have so much grease in my mouth... blah. wah wah wah Hear me cry, "I wanna blend in". It wasn't like cooked stuff...it was pure junk. I'm going to drink tea today w/ senna.

  • Think of it like this:

    You just narrowed the pool of eligible gents down to a much smaller group - and that's good! Now you'll be looking for that needle in a teeny, tiny haystack, instead of a big, huge, giant one. ;-)

    Hang in there. You're doing great.

  • carrie6292carrie6292 Raw Newbie

    You could always juice for a few days - i know that yucky feeling and for me, juicing is the only thing to take that away! I'm actually juicing right now - carrot and apple for breakfast and i'm going to "treat" myself to orange and grapefruit for lunch - with no veggies in it :) The juicing always helps me get back into the swing of things!

  • Wow - stop being so hard on your self! Your posts sound (and I sincerely mean this in the least judgmental manner) like you have some issues with food - not just issues with raw. Ate a bunch of junk for a few days? Okay, it's in the past as of now. Throw out all the crappy food in your house and do not buy any more. Surround yourself with healthy stuff so you don't have options for binging. Consider adding some grains in to your diet for a bit if you are just not feeling satisfied at 100% raw (and remember that the majority of us in this site don't keep 100% raw!).

    Don't let food control your mood and your life - even if it is great raw food and your desire to totally commit. We eat as much raw as possible to make our lives healthier and more vibrant, but that goal is missed when we take our little slips (intentional or unintentional ones) and let them hang over our head like some kind of mark of personal failure. The joy of raw is diminished entirely if we feel so nervous and vulnerable about "messing up."

    As for men, that is a hard one. My boyfriend eats vegetarian at home, because he loves my salads, fruit creations, smoothies, and (cooked) dinners. However, when we go out to eat, he'll often indulge in seafood or a steak. Sometimes the smell bothers me, most of the time I get over it. I think love is too rare to come by to narrow down the field to only vegans. But that's a personal choice and yours is just as valid as mine.

  • carrie6292carrie6292 Raw Newbie

    Dagny - it's funny that you said to throw out all the junk! That's what i did when i first went raw. I was tired of my son and my husband eating things that i knew were absolutely horrible for them. They're not raw - as much as i'd like them both to be. So, i think the worse thing i buy for them is pretzels and popcorn (as natural as i can find). But, i make sure i have my snack bags of raw trail mix (almonds, cacao nibs, goji berries and either raisins or cranberries). I think the key is in having snacks ready at any moment. Support really does help too. My husband is a carnivore - as much as one can be! But, the important part is that he supports my choice and he enjoys the food with me. He may have it along side his chicken, but he still eats it :)

  • Sending smiles and support your way. Stay strong and eat whatever makes your body feel right.

  • CalebCaleb Raw Newbie

    :) I cheated big time yesterday, not one raw meal other than fruit throughout the day. It started with a planned non-raw meal with friends for breakfast, and I Forgot my salad that day so ate out for lunch and was really busy that evening so ate out again, but I managed to eat whole foods and stay vegetarian. Don't be too hard on yourself, your happiness and well being is more important than a diet.

  • I too am a cheat!! Red wine and dark chocolate! mmmmmmmmm!

    But my progress is still good so I refuse to beat myself up over it!!!

    Here's to the cheaters :) :)

    x

  • chock it up to learning :)

  • marionvalleygirlmarionvalleygirl Raw Newbie

    thanks you guys

  • Don't feel bad MVG - just shake it off. Whenever I junk, eat cooked or mess around with bad combinations, I feel that either

    a) my body needed it (especially when I eat fish)

    b) my body needed a strong reminder of why I am on this journey!

    I look at each "transgression" as a *learning experience.* What was I craving? What was the situation that I found myself in that led to this? What nutritional choices did I make that led to this? Either way, each night gives you (us) a chance to come and air our dirty laundry(here), and each new day gives you a chance to shake it off and start anew. I make new choices each day that hopefully keep me further away from what my body does not want. That's the learning experience.

    I (being a Catholic boy, and British to boot!) had been hoping that someone would open up a confessional thread. ;-)

    Thank you, thank you. Good luck on your journey - and we are all here for you.

  • Don't feel alone, marionvalleygirl. We cheat with cooked vegan food and sometimes Indian veg. Just the convenience of being served is great and my wife and I appreciate it. I'd say we're 80-95% raw in a given month. I know of people that claim 95-100% raw vegan. After our first year and me spending a lot of time keeping our kitchen pantry stocked with good organic foods. We are blessed to have access to one of California's, dare I say our country's, best produce stores here in Berkeley (15 minutes down the I-80W), aptly named "THE BOWL". I shop "THE BOWL" 5 of 7 days for fresh fruits, vegetables, greens, herbs, nuts, seeds,and everything you read or have ever read about in the fruit/vegetable kingdoms...bunches of bins, everything grown on God's green earth is be found here. I am so blessed to have the best of the best of Northern California available to me everyday.

    In our household, I do meals, including packing a raw lunch each day for my wife after a raw breakfast and later a raw dinner (we have committed to daily greenies too, I love them and I love making them...ok, I am lazy, retired too). I'm not perfect with my beer and wine intake...but they can be good for you too...can't they? Smith's Organic Lager Beer I love!. It's a full time job doing 100% raw vegan. If one can do it, power to them. I try to avoid any FDA "Nutrition Facts" -labeled products.

    I love the improvements you people have made to this site. I get the majority of my recipes from here. So easy and I love the "reply" comments and new delicious twists to the original recipes from your readers. How easy can it be and fun too! Well done, I must say. Big thanks!

    My wife and I just try to put only healthy things in our digestive systems. We remember too well how the "old processed food diet" produces nothing but non-nutritious over-cooked foods that translate into a battle between toxins and your body also called "disease". I was forever trying to compensate being pre-diabetic, my wife was on 4 medications for high blood pressure...then we went raw. Enough...I'm babbling. (A raw foodie babbling - the worst!)

    I love what your readers' recipes have done for our bodies and souls. It's all good! Thank you from a reader and a fan.

    Best of luck to all raw food enthusiasts!

  • I have been raw for 4 months until tonight when I allowed myself to eat food that I know isnt giving me the best I deserve.... we all deserve the best.... and I get that now.... after the fact.

    The foods I ate were well off the scale and little comparison to the way I have been satiated by raw.

    But I went with my cravings maybe fuelled by the fact I am releasing old ways of being and also by the fact I wanted to release the taboo that I cant have what I want.

    I had what I wanted and it was a poor substitute.

    This episode is so funny because yesterday I opened myself to listening to what the body wanted. I asked for it to give me clear signals.... funny because today it was junk...

    Junk food was fearful to thing go with it because of all the things that run through your mind when considering cooked/ junk food, you know you dont need me to list them.... and the totally great thing about it is that there were powerfull things that came out of it.

    And then I came on here and found this great sharing. It all fits x

    Accepting that its OK, its all OK....everything- without exception -

    this allowed me to really be with the food I was eating , it had no taboo element to enhance it, and whilst eating I could taste and experience the food for what it was.

    I have the freedom to do what I want and that disempowers the forbidden fruit trap (I know what a bad analogy), that good bad , right wrong continuum.

    It gave me a great experience that feels like it will stick for if or when I wanna binge again. It was more than me talking to myself, telling myself off, it was a knowing a clarity and a possible end to the "i cant eat that because its bad for me etc.... " and "but it tastes so good" , which was partly true but it still left me unsatiated , and i realised that that craving could never be quietened by food.

    I trusted my body and it said ok junk and then it gave me a gentle/ subtle lesson .

    My body clearly showed me that cooked , junk food is a poor substitute and that I could eat it

    but that it preferred raw - no drama, just gentle , loving, non judgemental support from it.

    And that binging was OK but that there was a better way for me now.

    The great thing is that I am able to love myself for the first time during post binge, it has taken me a long journey to do that.

    And especially with emotional eating it helps to be aware that we hurt or sabotage ourselves first with a poor food choice (which if we continuously repeat can help to hurt our bodies ) and then with our self talk.(post binge)

    But what I am learning is that it is just one day , as so many other love filled supportive friends on this site have said,

    As children we fall down and we dont punish ourselves on top, which is normally worse than the food and maybe more toxic - but it is a signal by which if we can listen to can guide us to what is best (Im giving up the use of right and wrong) for us.

    I am so grateful that valley girl posted here and all of the support from you wonderful people on the path, as it reminds me we all a family on a journey, and I will allow that to be part of me in case i need to remember to love myself a bit more . . x x x

    A journey in process

    Derryck12 I am also from the UK and had a fair dose of catholic guilt all that has played its part for me.

    This Confession is the place for healing, and we get to benefit from everyone elses experiences, wonder if that was how it was supposed to work?

  • sv3sv3 Raw Newbie

    It's so interesting reading everyone's own experiences.

    I am high raw and the cooked food I eat is still v healthy by SAD standards.

    Last weekend I went over to a friends house for the evening.

    To cut a long story short, I ended up eating loads of tortilla chips and then a good handful of choc biscuits afterwards. I could feel myself hooked on the junk but just couldn't seem to stop myself.

    Anyway, the next morning I felt terrible (physically & emotionally) but after a day of beating myself up about it, I realised that compared to what I used to eat, this minor slip up was really just that - a MINOR slip up and I had to use this experience to move forwards.

    I'm pretty sure that the next time I feel tempted to start eating junk, I'll remember back and make a better decision.

    I imagine everyone on this site has had a very similar experience. It's just nice that we are all here for each other.

    :-)

  • Hey mattydean - big shout out to you (a felow limey). Really, I have discovered that this junk thing is very tricky. It is kind of more like a binge. I have noticed *consistently* that something in cooked appears to trigger a craving for more cooked.

    Yesterday (after quite a healthy raw morning) a friend invited me out to meet for lunch, and (I slipped) - had a veggie samosa. Food combos? White flour + potato (starch) beans (protein) and deep fried. What a lovely package to deliver to my gut.

    That was just the start. Before the afternoon was out, I had eaten a couple of burgers, and three wings.

    This is a consistent pattern. The first taste of cooked triggers a craving. I recall hearing something like this from Victoria Boutenko (sp?!) - in a lecture about cooked cravings...

    In her lecture, she's concluded that when you are raw for about two months, you lose the taste for cooked. I think that this is what Gabriel Cousens describes as "cell memory"...?

    BTW - I am slightly schizo (I am both derryckl and derryckl2) due to a lost password, email-to-junk-lost-email-problem. When I am on my pleasure laptop, I am derryckl2, when I am on my work laptop, I am derryckl. There is no logout button to allow me to unify my personas.... Maybe one day...

    Still - I shake i off -

  • What a fabulous thread!!!

    My raw journey started over a year ago, and I'm still finding my way; but one thing I HAVE learned is that my body is very smart, and if I listen carefully, she will let me know what she needs.

    Sometimes she needs to feel that "junk food hangover" to remind herself why raw is the best way to live!

    Please don't anyone punish themselves when they "cheat" -- we all eat exactly what we choose, and we all make good and bad choices; it's called "the human experience"

    Remember -- this is NOT a competition, and you CANNOT "fail"!!!

    I've lurked on this site for a little while, and I am so very grateful for the love and support here!

    Thank you all so much!

    X

  • I always end up inevitably feeling worse when I purge.

    At first it feels great to have the crap food out of me, but then I end up feeling so dysfunctional because here I am in my 40's still acting like some malcontent teenager with a bulimia problem.

    Plus, I'm always nervous that I'm going to give my self a stroke or something, like they claim may have happened to Terry Schiavo.

    Anyhow...always best to realize that your next meal can be raw, and you'll be right back where you are supposed to be.

    Take it easy on yourself. My guess is that none of us are perfect.

    Cheers,

    Christina

  • Thank you everyone for sharing! Similar to Marionvalleygirl, I found myself "cheating" all week to more or less "fit in" with my family during the Thanksgiving Day holiday. I didn't really realize how well I have been doing raw until I started eating one cooked meal a day out with family (still had my smoothie and made salad or a raw soup for lunch). Then it was two big cooked meals on Thanksgiving. And now? Well, my stomach kept me up all night with its shennanigans. I remembered what it felt like to feel tired after a meal; I realized I am less tolerant of alcohol and just do not want it like those around me; and I realized that since eating raw, I have never felt hungry an hour or two after eating a meal. Oh! And I realized that given the choice, I don't actually prefer cooked food, and I must be doing pretty good if these are my reactions. Lesson learned: don't be so concerned about what others think - others will not pressure you for a long-winded explanation, so don't fear it. I had not seen my family for four years, and I didn't want them talking to each other saying, "Oh, she's on some crazy diet now where blah, blah, blah..." I was doing really well and feeling great, so I plan to just learn from this and continue doing what I was doing and continue learning when I go home. If I figured out that I prefer the experience of eating real food over cooked food, then my mistakes helped me. It's been great to read how others "trip-up's" helped them learn and grow also!

  • 1 glass of Champagne and a small square of organic dark chocolate last night... boy do I have a headache this am. I can't cheat like I used to.

  • Heloise - this was my Thanksgiving experience (Canada's was one month ago), and will be my Christmas experience. I feel allergic to a whole new set of foods. It is funny that everyone is now sympathetic when you say you are allergic to "peanuts". Many years ago, you'd be some kind of freak. Now people are sympathetic to people allergic to milk.

    Let's just say that - we are aware of our allergies to a wider range of things than most (SAD) people. For me allergy is simply defined as "it does not make me feel good".

    And that is going to be my story this Xmas. "I am allergic".

    No further explanations will be necessary.

    Be strong. Be loving. Be simple. Be raw.

    derryckl.

  • kminty3kminty3 Raw Newbie

    Don't feel bad.. I "cheat" all the time.. I don't think of it as cheating though because I'm no where near 100 percent. I eat all vegan though and I remind myself often that that in and of itself is a big step. I really love my wine too.. drink a glass or two a week in the winter. Ohh and these vegan cupcakes from the COOP are too good. Anway, a poster mentioned not letting food run your life.. that's the truth!

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