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Parent Problem

RawaholicRawaholic Raw Newbie

Hey Everyone!

I have a problem and It's really eating me up. I've already made it known on this site in another forum post that I have had a past in eating disorders (both bulimia and anorexia). I got to the point where I weighed 90 lbs. (I'm just barely 5'9"). That was up until half way through December when I bought David Wolfe's book, "The Sunfood Diet Success System" and it was if something clicked and for the first time I saw, actually SAW how sick I was. I wanted to be healthy again. The next day I started eating, eating without fear. Right now I am weighing about 116 ibs. and I am steadily climbing.

The problem is though that my mom figured out my ED issue right after I started my turn around. She now harps on me all the time (even when I'm eating tons of avocados, raw "oatmeal", coconut meat, bananas, tahini, buckwheat, sprouted grains, salads with tons of nuts and seeds, dried fruit, fresh fruit, flax crackers, raw nori rolls, alflafa, mung beans, ect.) and restricting me from driving (I don't own a car yet so I have to borrow my mom's), and threatening to have me checked into the hospital if I won't let her stuff me with cooked foods (mainly grains and veggies). Just today she took away ALL my raw food books saying that it was for my own good because she didn't want me to be brainwashed by this "cult" that I have immersed myself in. I understand that she is afraid for me because I how badly I hurt myself but it doesn't stop these feelings of frustration. I have to do what she says because until I graduate from high school (May 2009) I'm stuck living in her house under her rules.

The only thing I can think of to resolve this issue is to just eat what she gives me (even though I don't want to) and then go raw when I move out. Do you think this is the best option, or does anyone have any other good ideas? I would really like to continue being a raw vegan right now but I also want to get back the beautiful relationship I once had with my mother. Help?


  • joannabananajoannabanana Raw Newbie

    rawaholic, are you sure we don't live in the same house???

    my mom is also totally against raw foods and veganism. i posted a topic called "coming clean" and i talk about my ridiculous quarrels/stories with her.

    i had an eating disorder, too, and i think that's why our moms are like this. they see it as another form of an eating disorder, but it's really not. i wouldn't stop eating what you want to eat because that would make your mother feel like she "won" and eating is NOT about winning or losing.

    do what's best for your body. it's not your mother's body or her job to feed you. it's your own. i think my mom knows that i'll refuse to eat (period) if she doesn't buy me my own foods.

    that book you read, how is it??

  • Hunger strike.

    I fasted for 16 and a half days in order for my Mother and Step Father to accept good ol' SAD veganism. They eventually gave in. But now I eat 811 and consume 2000 calories a day, so they see me devour pounds of bananas at a time.

  • joannabananajoannabanana Raw Newbie

    kevin, that's VERY impressive. sometimes, you have to do something radical to get what you want.

    i don't eat 811, but i still manage to consume a crapload of bananas.

  • kandacekandace Raw Newbie


    I have a very close family member that has been anorexic/bulimic for 10+ years and is now looking at serious health issues (teeth falling out, stomach lining replaced, etc). I've spent years worrying about her health and happiness and trying to understand her issues - she truly is one of the most beautiful people I have met and it is so hard to see her body the way that she sees it. There was a time when she approached me about raw veganism and I was very concerned for her health and whether she was interested in raw foods for health or because she saw me loose so much weight so quickly. Your mother probably has many of those same fears for you (likely worse if she isn't familiar with raw foods). Not knowing you well, I would encourage you to be sure that you are eating raw for health - the truth is, until you love your body, you probably aren't going to approach any diet in a completely healthy way.

    It sounds as though you've already realized that on your own, though, and I just want to say how incredible it is to hear that you are turning your life around on your own. I truly believe raw foods can be a part of that healing for you. Perhaps you can sit down with your Mom and have an honest discussion - one where you let her know that you realize your earlier path was destructive that now you are following one for health. I would suggest bringing a raw naturopath on board to help you construct a healthy diet for yourself and educate your mother at the same time.

    Best of luck to you!

  • RawaholicRawaholic Raw Newbie

    Thanks everybody for you support. Hopefully my mom and I can find a balance in our relationship as I pursue the healing of my body, which isn't easy especially since I think I may have IBS due to ED, but I find when I eat a lot of raw oats, buckwheat and flax crackers I don't have too much of a problem. I have a real hard time digesting wheat but my mom is convinced that it's all in my head. But I hope that as I continue to research I'll be able to prove to her that raw veganism is healthy way to go. :) Wish me luck!

  • zinfandelzinfandel Raw Newbie

    It's your body. Stand up for yourself. She obviously doesn't respect your boundaries. When you stand up for yourself she should see that you are right and back off.

    Good luck!

    edit: actually, you may not want to take this advice since I have a horrible relationship with my mother.

  • leahcelesteleahceleste Raw Newbie

    Wow, I can't even imagine what a frustrating situation you are going through right now. I really believe that raw foods are a great option for you right now. Raw food makes you beautiful and gives you joy and really it sounds like these are also things that you need as you overcome an eating disorder.

    I have been reading Tonya Zavasta's website www.beautifulonraw.com alot lately and I think she is so wonderful and inspiring for women in our search for beauty and health. Her ideas about health and the amount of food that you need would certainly turn your mothers approach on its head. She talks about how people who need to gain weight actually should eat less over time because it slows your metabolism down and helps you to use what you are eating. Eating tons, overeating, especially cooked food could backfire for you because it may not produce the results that your mom wants and could cause you to return to the eating disorder.

    Also it seems to me that to really heal an eating disorder then you need to have total control over what you eat, and that the more people force you to eat and eat what they want they are actually pushing you towards the eating disorder.

    I think it was very unfair and fear based of your mother to take your raw food books away. I had my mother read David Wolfe's The Sunfood Diet and she loved it and it has helped her start her healthy journey. Include your mom in your raw food journey, ask her to read the books you read and she will understand that raw food is not another form of eating disorder but a path to self healing.

    Good luck to you and keep at it, your initial instincts were right!

  • RawaholicRawaholic Raw Newbie


    The Sunfood Diet book is amazing! It's very informative in helping anyone who is interested in eating as much raw food as humanly possible do it the right way. Before I developed my EDs I was on the SAD version of a vegan diet and I was miserable.

    I wish I had discovered David Wolfe's book BEFORE I turned to hurting myself through starvation and purging. I was about a year into my ED when I discovered Raw Veganism but I was so messed up that I couldn't find a balance so it never stuck. After reading MOST of David Wolfe's book (my mom confiscated it b4 I could finish it) I finally had the tools to work with and it stuck.

    For the two weeks I had the opportunity to be 100% raw before I got "cut off", I stopped feeling the need to purge and I felt GOOD when I ate and after I ate. My skin was clearing up, my IBS was lightning up, and I was gaining about 1 lb. a week..

    I recommend EVERYONE who truly wants to live I healthy fulfilling life to read this book.

  • SuasoriaSuasoria Raw Newbie

    It seems like there is a dangerous lack of communication and understanding from both sides. I think you've expressed your struggle here very beautifully and wisely - have you used this approach with her, too? What part of "I was sick before and now I'm trying to heal" doesn't your mother understand?

    It's also sad that your mother didn't recognize your ED before this change and now is trying to get involved, far too late for her to be of any use to you. If you have a counselor/therapist, I think you should bring your mom along with you to mediate. If you don't see someone currently, this would be a good time to start. It's another way of proving to your mom that you're taking control over your own health and well-being. I think a veg-friendly therapist would be able to point out that confiscating your property, threatening to have you committed and making light of your food intolerances is very damaging to your relationship and your respect for her. (Gluten intolerance AKA celiac disease is very common, and it's definitely NOT in your head.)

    Lots of parents just don't feel their children are mature enough to make decisions. Lots of children don't act as if they have the maturity to do so, either. If there's absolutely anything you're doing that would cause her to lack faith in your decisions, no matter how seemingly minor (homework, chores, curfews, whatever) - I'm afraid you have to shape up on those details. The goal is to give her no reason at all to distrust that you know how to take care of yourself intelligently and responsibly.

    But she sounds like a real piece of work. Luckily you don't have much more time to endure it...and start saving for an apartment!

  • RawaholicRawaholic Raw Newbie


    Thanks for your advice. Sadly my mom doesn't like therapists so that's out of the picture. I don't know what else I could do to get her to trust me; I'm a straight A student, an officer of my school's Senior Beta Club (a national academic organization), I take care of all my families laundry, I keep my bedroom and bathroom clean and organized, I take care of my dog, I help my brother with his homework and cook his meals when my mom is teaching her classes, and I help my mom with her lesson plans.

    I do believe that despite all this though, that I have made a little progress with my mom (I think). She still very controlling and restricting of my diet but we are currently in negotiations about me taking back control. So far, I've succeeded in getting her to at least think about letting me do my own thing if 4 more pounds (which would make me about 120 lbs.). The only thing that has me worried is that if/when she gives me back control when I reach said weight, and I try to go raw again, that she will take the control back again.

    I suppose I will just have to keep my fingers crossed. Wish me luck! :)

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    I think it's a slippery slope if you let someone control what you eat.....just be your own person. It's your body. You may be living in someone else's house, but you're not their slave.

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