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friends

Hi everyone :)

Lately I've been feeling a bit disconnected from my friends. I feel like they get annoyed with me declining outings for lunches/drinks and invting them over for a raw meal instead. I also feel like they are uncomfortable with me, like they think that I am being arrogant and judgmental of what they eat. Has anyone else gone through something similar to this? What did you do?

Comments

  • AVLAVL Raw Newbie

    I always decline invitations too because I don't want to eat what they are making or they want to go to a restaurant where I can't eat anything. I'm sorry but I'm not paying $10 for a salad made with lettuce and 2 slices of tomato. I'll pay half that amount to buy a lot more fuits and vegetables and make a much better salad.

    My coworkers want to go for dinner next Friday and I said yes, but they are the type of people that eat at sports bars, so I know that there will be nothing there that I will be able to eat. I don't want to be rude, but I just dont want to put that crap into my body.

    Maybe if your friends invite you for dinner, you can eat a bit before going and order a salad at the restaurant. I guess I don't really have any suggestions, but I do understand what you are going through.

  • I've had that also, and my friends were VERY pushy about it...I felt like they were watching me to see what my reaction would be, what I'd say to them about their food choices, and how I'd go about judging them...some of that was all in my head, but most of what happened was on account of their own insecurities about food.

  • you should tell them you love them but you're not going to eat it. That's that:)

  • joannabananajoannabanana Raw Newbie

    Sheik, I think a lot of us feel this way, so you're not alone. I don't spend nearly as much time with my friends as I used to because they live at Taco Bell and Chinese restaurants. It's kind of eye opening because I've been able to see who is really my friend that way. I mean, it's no fun to sit at a fast food table and wait for your friends to eat. I usually just see movies with my friends or go to the park. There's lot of other things to do besides go out to eat.

  • daniefondaniefon Raw Newbie

    I agree with joanna, go do other things. invite them first. also, when someone invites me over for dinner, i offer to bring something that everyone will like and that is substantial enough for me to eat as a meal. when i do out with friends to eat now, mostly after work because i hate to always say i can't, i suggest mexican food. then i have guacamole, which i am always happy to do and a pellegrino, that doesn't look all that out of the ordinary to them.

  • Sheik~ I take a cooler with my raw meal in it, into anyplace my friends choose to eat... it might be a salad or a smoothie and or a piece of fruit... I tell the wait staff that I don't need anything, that I brought my own... So far I haven't had a problem from anyone... If I go to a nice up scaled restaurant, I will ask them to ask the Chef to use everything raw he has in the kitchen to make a colorful salad... It is amazing what they have created and usually for under $5, not bad...

    The best thing is not to judge their food selections and hopefully they will do the same... If snide comments or looks are directed at you, just get a tough skin and laugh about the remark... Sometimes I will go out of my way to say something they have chosen, looks really tasty... Then they sort of revel in their own selection with glee...

  • thanks for all your advice. I guess what brings me up to this topic is that I recently went to a friend's birthday party with 20 of our closest friends. They served burgers, salad, and drinks. Salad! I asked the person who made the salad what was in it. She mentioned the ingredients and to my dismay, the dressing had sugar and a ton of it. I hadn't had any refined sugar for a year so I didn't touch anything except for water at the party. Everything seemed to be okay until the night progressed and people had a little much to drink. Then my friend came up to me and said that she was concerned about me.. blah blah.... I tried to explain to her, but she wasn't listening because of the alcohol. She expressed her concerns and said that I was different now. That definately threw me off.

    I don't have problems going to a restaurant or bar with my friends because I usually bring something or order mineral water. And yes, as joanna pointed out, there's a lot more things that I do with my friends other than eating. But eating is a big part of being social especially with all these little get togethers my friends always throw. I did bring Ani's raw apple pie once and only a couple of people seemed to like it. haha!

  • LilEarthMuffinLilEarthMuffin Raw Newbie

    I too find that I have similar problems.

    I used to go out with my friends to starbucks and taco bell and we would all hang out - but i find that now they go without me. Its hard sometimes because I do feel left out but I know that not only am i saving money but im also saving my health. When my friends ask me to go out to eat I almost always say no - unless i can get them to go to a local vegan resturant where i can get my favorite salad! Sheik i agree that eating is a big part of being social, and sometimes being a raw vegan does make being social a challenge. I too have been hassled about my unhealthy habits (apparently eating raw = unhealthy in my friends minds).

    On another note i love ani's raw apple pie its so yummy : )

     

  • mikfizzle- sorry that you feel left out sometimes. Trust me, I understand! We're only doing what's best for our bodies. Hopefully our friends will come to understand that and support us, and not assume that we have an easting disorder.

    Good luck to you on your raw journey- sounds like you're doing really well!

    And yes, Ani Phyo's recipes are super amazing! I only have the first book though.

  • Hi Sheik,

    I totally know what you mean, we all understand you very well.

    It was quite a journey for me to be okay with going out with people and not ordering something cooked after all because I was really hungry. Back then I did have something cooked here and there but always strived for being as raw as I could.

    It's hard because it's such a social thing to make everything about food. Especially if it's a family gathering and they all cook the typical traditional meals. Then it's often like "If you don't eat the food I made, you don't love me".

    Well, I guess no matter what, when you want to become a raw vegan and stay it, you will have to become used to being "different".

    But you know what? That doesn't have to be something bad! On the contrary!

    When everybody around you gets sick, you're healthy (and you can be there for them if you choose to)! People notice all of your wonderful changes, the glow of your skin, you healthy body, your natural positive attitude and they feel drawn to you!

    You might even have people in your family or friends come to you and ask for your advice. They see all that wonderfulness happen in you and want to change too!

    It's possible! Even my mom is 80 to 90 percent raw now! Though it made sense to her from the beginning, she never really "wanted" to change her lifestyle. It's so amazing, she's changed so much, it is just great.

    So hang in there and stick to your beliefs!!

    Try to surround yourself with people thinking like you. Maybe there's raw food meetups close to you? You could check out www.meetup.com, that's how I found a raw food meetup group where I live here in Tulsa!

  • Sonnenhut- Thank you! Yes, when it comes to family, it IS a big deal! My family eats a lot of rice and beef and pork (GROSS). We seem to have a problem at every gathering because I only eat what I bring. They ask if the food tastes bad, if I'm on a diet to lose weight, what's wrong with me, etc. etc... My mother LOVES to eat out and it's a constant battle for us because she insists that I order something more "filling." My friends on the other hand are pretty unhappy about the "change." At least now I know who my real friends are :)

    That's awsome that your mother is going raw! I try to respect what my family eats even though it's very unhealthy for them. They are starting to become more open-minded and are even considering to include more veggies into their diet! Thanks for your input!

  • DeborahBeeDeborahBee Raw Newbie

    I really sympathise with anyone who feels this way about their friends.

    I want to shout from the highest building with the biggest megaphone about how alive and amazing this diet makes me feel. But people only want to listen when they're ready to.

    Humans have such intricate emotional links with food that it is difficult to tell someone who thinks their way is best what to eat. Our friends have eaten what we regard as a low standard diet for so long with no obvious ill effects and they're thinking why should they change if what they are eating tastes yummy and isn't causing harm?

    I have been raw for over 2 years and have no friends at all who are raw.

    I have always been confident, reasonable and vocal about my food choices. I'm honest and ready to supply any information when asked.

    I am respectful of my friends' food choices and have always let them know this and have told them that I will not critisise their food choices if they don't critisise mine and that this is fair.

    As for going out to eat, every restaurant/ cafe will prepare a simple salad if asked.

    I invite my friends around for Afternoon Tea and have a triple cake stand that I laden with my own raw goodies and fresh fruit.

    I experiment on my friends with new raw recipes.

    14 of us recently hired out a cottage for the weekend and I took my blender and seed grinder with me. When asked what I was making I told people and let them sample the food.

    And now when I visit my friends' homes they prepare raw for me :) I feel very lucky to have friends like this and know things could be very different if my approach was different.

    It's very hard and sometimes might feel like there is a huge divide between you and your friends Sheik, there doesn't need to be.

    If there is a party, mention in advance that you'll take your own food and that it really is not a problem for you to do so. Perhaps you could make some coleslaw, a huge tasty salad, a raw cheesecake... I took my own food out with me for years! Or would say "I'm not hungry, I've eaten".

    Refrain from making a fuss about anything. A clear "No thank you" is often much easier than a longwinded explanation. Making a fuss attracts attention which won't always be good for you. And don't bad-mouth your friends' food choices. Just keep thinking that they are different from your own, not better or worse. This will help your friends to feel that you're not judging them.

    Something that has been most effective is telling my friends how I've felt in the past, that I felt left out and that there was a divide then telling them that I appreciate them for respecting what I eat and that it means a lot to me.

    I'm so passionate about what I eat that my friends not only see this but they see how much energy and enthusiasm and love I have and they know these changes have come from my diet.

    I hope that your friends see how alive you become on raw and are inspired. Be patient, confident and honest. If you truly believe in what you are doing it will shine through for all of your friends to see.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    It's funny because my close friend is a vegan, but when we go out with a group, like 6 people (3 male-female couples), I'm the only one who (I feel) eats healthy. And I just don't know what to think of people who are vegan and eat French fries for dinner and then make comments about what I choose to eat.

    I've lately been thinking I would like some raw foodist friends, but even in a big city, a lot of the raw food groups fail, and just because people are raw foodists doesn't mean you would make great friends or that your diets are similar; some people eat powders and nuts all day - I go for fruit.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    The above post in mind, I actually have found it easier to be friends with omnivores in general, but that could just be coincidence. They don't make negative comments; they just ask questions; and we all find a place that's okay to eat. As long as they are nice and respectful and I to them and we can make great conversation/have fun, I consider those people the types I would like to befriend.

    At least they don't pretend to eat healthy, like some of the vegans who eat processed junk all day long.

  • troublesjustabubbletroublesjustabubble Raw Newbie

    My philosophy with raw has to not let food come between me and relationships. Food has always been a non-issue for me. I try very hard not to make a big deal about my diet. Many people make fun of me and I get the lectures but as time goes by I find that it really draws people to me in a strange way. Even the most unhealthy of my friends are slowly influenced and make positive changes in their life because of what I eat. I try to be very loving when I say that I can't eat something. I usually say "That doesn't react well with my stomach" or "I actually have a bad reaction to that" and people take that better than something like "I don't eat that because it's unhealthy".

    I don't ever decline going out with friends over food. Either I don't eat it and just socialize(always worth it) or I ask the chef to make something with any raw ingredients they have around. Sometimes I get a small portion of cooked food and eat it. It's a sacrifice that I"m willing to make because I love the people around me. Not to mention that through raw food I have made friends who have the same lifestyle as me and they have enriched my life so much that it has made any of the negative reactions totally worth it.

    I'm so sorry your friends aren't very accepting of you but just be loving. Don't decline going out with them. Just decline the food. Be open, honest and most of all loving. Love and respect for them will make them more willing to respect you. I hope that you can still keep your friends though you live a different life now. Keep positive!

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    I agree with keep going out for food with friends (assuming you still enjoy their company and they are respectful), to restaurants that offer food for you. If your friends want to sit there and eat while you have no options on the menu, I would question that friendship/their consideration of you. My bf would never, ever choose a restaurant that doesn't have food for me; he has made tons of phone calls, research online, etc., because he loves me and respects me and obviously wants me to be alive/have nutrition/eat. ;)

  • I guess I could say that I am afraid of a lot of the foods that my friends eat, serve, and want to share with me. But I do love my friends. I hope it didn't come off as if I thought they were freaks or something. I truly love them all and respect their values and decisions. I know that I must be doing something wrong when I hear that I'm different to them now. I rarely mention my diet first, but I try to answer their questions the best that I can only if asked. The reason I decline invitations to eat at restaurants is because I've worked in an upscale restaurant in Los Angeles with high maintenance clientele before and even there, the food quality was pretty awful in order to cut corners and costs. Maybe I'm just more aware of those things. I suppose I could bring my own food, but I seem to offend them when I do that. Every time I hang with them things go smoothly until they want to stop at a cafe or grab a bite and I feel bad for saying no thanks.

    Ah- I don't mean to be a pest or sound snobby.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    Sheik, I understand what you're saying, and your posts didn't come off as judgmental towards your friends in the least. I really respect that you think about what your friends say thoroughly, to see if there's any truth to it, i.e., that you're "different" now. I would do the same thing - analyze and try to make sure I'm treating my friends just as well as I did prior to raw. Cheers!

  • bittbitt Raw Newbie

    sometimes friends don't get it. if the friendship is based too much on that food-sharing thing, they maybe it's time to find some new friends. i had friends who i just went out drinking with. it's hard to keep that friendship up if you stop drinking! time to do stuff with friends that involves taking walks, hiking, and other hobbies.

  • KristensRawKristensRaw Raw Newbie

    Hi everyone, :)

    When it comes to the Raw lifestyle, I find that one of the biggest hurdles for people has to do with social situations. Whether it

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