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Raw Food or My Boyfriend... Which would you choose?

I can't decide, but I must. My boyfirend has been completly non-supportive of my lifestyle change. I want to be 100%raw, but he is a major obstacle. How do I deal with this? I find myself thinking.... "I could succeed at this if it wasn't for him." We were going to be together forever until I met raw food. He says he's too old to change and claims my detox symptoms are proof that this 'diet' is not working. Because I'm thin, he believes I'm harming my body by 'dieting'. I considered him to be a rational man, open-minded and free-thinking. Why is Raw so hard for him to understand? I need advice.


  • I believe that the right person for each of us is supportive of sensible decisions we make.

    Perhaps you can try SparkPeople or FitDay or something to enter your daily food intake so that he can see you're eating enough and getting the right nutrients? Perhaps high-fat Raw would help convince him?

    I'm not yet even high Raw all the time, but I am vegan, my husband is an omnivore, and our daughter is a vegan. He knows and likes that I'm a vegan, and wouldn't want to change this, and I believe the same is true if I went Raw. (And he is, by no means, a perfect man.)

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    If your success depends on another person, then YOU are not ready to be raw. This has nothign to do with him.

    But if you don't want to be with him, don't be with him. You don't need an excuse or our help.

    Good luck!

  • superfood2- I am perfectly ready to be Raw, thank you for your non-helpful advice.

    It'd be nice to hear others tell me HOW they cope with unsupportive family. We live, eat, work, and play together 24/7. He is my best friend. Its been a wonderful relationship, but now we constantly argue over food issues due to my raw choices. My boyfriend and I run a pub together and I've quit drinking and smoking since going Raw. Barkeeping is not easy when you are Raw and recently sober.

    Has anyone ever left someone because of Raw? Did you choose Raw over your lover?

    Does anyone have a smiliar experience they can share insight from?

  • beanbean Raw Newbie

    superfood2, I know that it's important to be self-sufficient and not let other people control how you think/act/etc... it's also really hard sometimes to not put the responsibility for a problem on other people. However, that said, if he's being unsupportive and negative to the point where dreamwithin's quality of life and mindset is suffering, then regardless of the reason for it (raw foods, thin-ness, etc) he doesn't sound like he's the best choice for her. I don't think it's necessarily something that can be pinned on "if you're having trouble dealing with this person, then YOU'RE the one with the problem"- that seems a bit harsh. Sometimes it really is hard to deal with negative people, no matter how much confidence you have in yourself. I don't think it's entirely anyone's fault, but in this case I believe that both dreamwithin AND her boyfriend should think of what's important to them.

    Dreamwithin- I don't think you should leave your boyfriend based on how he sees raw foods and whether he agrees with them/you committing to them. I think everyone should be able to have their own opinion, and not try to actively change anyone else's. If he truly wants to be with you and cares about YOU, then he should be able to find a way through his negative opinion about raw foods, and separate you from your (apparenlty unhealthy) habits. If he can't be supportive of YOU, then he has other problems, and you probably should rethink things a bit. But if it's just his reaction to raw foods- then that can be worked on, I think. Don't judge him too harshly for not believing you when you say it's a great lifestyle- it may appear a bit foreign- and frightening- to him. Try to separate the food from the relationship a bit. After all, life isn't solely about what one puts into ones mouth, is it? Just tell him that if he cares about you, he'll try his best to trust you and respect your choices, without being so negative about it. If he can do that, then I think you two can make it work.

    Of course, if you really aren't happy with him, by all means- end your relationship. But don't use raw foods as an excuse to end things... it might be something like the fact that you two can't reconcile your differences, or you just feel he's not right for you- those are legitimate reasons, but if you can separate raw food from your mindset about the relationship, then you shouldn't leave him because he affected your personal choices in any way- superfood2 did have a point about that- they are YOUR choices. It might be difficult, but there are probably deeper (and better) reasons you might be unhappy with him than him disagreeing with salad.

    Best of luck, though- I know it can be really tough when people you love don't love your choices- it's almost a personal attack (at least, that's how it can feel to me). I get that every time I'm around my parents, and it's no fun at all. *hugs* Message me if you need a chat.


  • the59soundthe59sound Raw Newbie

    odd. i struggled with raw until I met my girlfriend, it was like it made all my problems go away.

  • zinfandelzinfandel Raw Newbie

    ask him to not offer you cooked food or tempt you purposefully or encourage you to eat cooked. if he can't handle doing these things, he isn't supportive of you and isnt worth your time.

  • zinfandelzinfandel Raw Newbie

    @59sound- you can't make your girlfriend responsible for making your problems go away.

  • the59soundthe59sound Raw Newbie

    hahaha, i understand, but i believe it lead me into a rhythm. now, i could never break it.

  • "He says he's too old to change." Umm....he doesn't have to! You are the one who is changing!

    If you are in a loving, supportive relationship then there is no reason why it has to end over this. You shouldn't have to sacrifice a personal choice that is made for your health and well-being. He should absolutely support that and if he can't then indeed, that is a problem. But it isn't RAW that is breaking you two up, it is the lack of support.

    Also, you said "I find myself thinking.... 'I could succeed at this if it wasn't for him.' " Do you want to be with him? Are you looking for a way out? Just asking. Not assuming or being harsh.

    Also, I do understand that it does affect a relationship when someone decides to make a big change such as transforming their entire diet. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and I went mostly raw about six months ago. He was definitely worried and leery at first but as he sees that it is affecting me in a positive way he becomes more and more supportive. And there have also been issues such as him being sad that we can't eat some of the things that we used to eat "together." But I just try to combat all of those things with something positive, like I will tell him "no, we can't do THAT anymore, but we can do THIS instead!"

    So if you want to stay with him, and you think that he might come around then I would suggest approaching everything negative that he says with a positive. However, if you don't think that he is ever going to be supportive of your choice and he is truly getting in the way of what you want for yourself, then I think you probably already know that you will be better off without him.

  • If you are very thin already, I can understand your boyfriend's concern, because it is coming from a place of love. Otherwise, he wouldn't care. My boyfriend has been supportive, but have had more "health" discussions than "raw" discussions. Talking about raw in and of itself can sound really extreme. I'm more raw than he is, but he has also cut out rice, pasta, sugar, potatos, eats huge salads every night with our meals, and drinks smoothies every morning. All of this because of our discussions and because we gradually introduced these changes, so that it didn't seem to him that we were making changes at all.

  • FortuneFortune Raw Newbie

    Sometimes when we embark on new (healthier) journeys, our friends and family suddenly feel targeted for their own (unhealthier) choices. Improving your lifestyle can be like holding a mirror up to them - they see their imperfections ('faults') in our clear reflection. This is their problem, not ours.

    Show your boyfriend that raw is good for you. Eat it, live it, be it. When he speaks negatively to you about the raw lifestyle, remind him that this is a choice you are making, and that you are not forcing it on anyone else. LIve through example, and maybe once he sees how positive this lifestyle can be, he will be more open. Don't preach to him about the value of raw food; let him see it with his own eyes.

    If he really continues to not support you, then perhaps you do need to make a decision. I know that I could never be with someone who did not support me and my choices.

  • superfood2superfood2 Raw Newbie

    My opinion remains the same, but I don't adopt anyone else's rephrasing of my post.

  • SimplyRawesomeSimplyRawesome Raw Jr. Leader

    Maybe you won't have to choose. If you can maintain a raw food lifestyle, you'll outlive him anyway!! ;^)

    You need to decide what is more important to you ... living a healthy lifestyle or eating dead food to appease someone else and suffering the consequences of poor health. If you are right for eachother, he will understand and support you. If not, there are plenty of raw "fish in the sea!" =)

    Best of luck to you!

    P.S. I totally agree with Fortune. My ex husband didn't care for my choice to go raw but he didn't stop me. When he saw how fabulous I looked after five months, he was totally supportive and even tried to incorporate more raw food into his diet. =)

  • Raw Food or My Boyfriend... Which would you choose?

    hmm.. I'm sure your boyfriend is great and all that but since I'm straight I'd chose raw foods. :)

  • Ha ha, Untrasaurus, that's hilarious. Keepin' it literal. 8-)

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