mangosister
Raw Newbie
Hi everyone,
As I mentioned in another post, I've been high raw for about 3 weeks and, in the midst of some kind of intense physical detox symptoms, I'm feeling--and this si something that I feel often and tend to back away from out of fear--that I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT continue to live in the middling midwest usa.....I need sun and warmth desperately for my soul. I know, lots of people say these kinds of things in the middle of winter, but this feels way, way more intense, almost like the decision is being made for me in various ways. I am consume, obsessed with thoughts of sun and aridity. I'm in my mid-forties and single, childless, and have only myself to be responsible for/to. I come from a very conventional, family-oriented place in good old Ohio and I just have to get out and live the rest of my raw life the way I've always wanted to...of course, there are people around me to (try to) talk to about this, but this is really an area where people are born here, live here, stay here, and die here. They do the same things, with the same people, for.ev.er.......it just isn't me and I feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust....in this way, being raw is uncomfortable right now. The clarity is challenging b/c I don't see the way yet.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, experiences, etc. on confronting the need for change in climate, etc. on your raw journey :)
Comments
Hi everybody~~
**THANKS** so much for your replies....they help!!
Yesterday had alot of "over-the-edge" potential, as you can see from my post!
This issue has been brewing for years. One of the blessings of my life--that has a double edge of sadness for me, is that I have so few obligations/attachments/commitments that would keep me anywhere....ie. kids, partner, house, ailing parents, etc. Even my work is portable. So. Yes, the freedom does make the world my oyster, so to speak, and yet....it's bittersweet. Being high raw vegan makes me feel all of the nuances of this acutely :) I'm sure so many of you relate to this.
The deal is that 1) I can do my current work anywhere and I want to develop an online business eventually and 2) I NEED sunlight for my spiritual survival. Really. I am desirous of MORE LIGHT, on every level and HAVE TO HAVE IT. The idea of doing exactly what I want to do to have the life I want....well, who am I to do that, ya' know? Deep breath.....:)
Mark, I love Pavlina...I read his stuff all the time :) Very inspiring guy...
Hi there!
Sounds like you're due for a big inspiring holiday! If I was you, I'd make a list of places that might be future living places and travel there! And I don't mean in summer, but right now - you need to see what the climate is like in winter, don't you?
I don't know about your financial situation, but maybe you can find raw people on the forums who'd love you to visit them and show them around their local raw food scene?
If you really don't have any strings that hold you, I'd absolutely try and move, if you find a beautiful place at all! Just don't invest too much money at the beginning. This way, nothing is lost if you decide to move (back) again!
All the best!
Thanks friends! Your thoughts and suggestions are very inspiring and helpful...:)
I am going to take a breath and spend the next little while concentrating on staying high raw and seeing where it takes me. The only thing I know is that I need more light. Who knows, maybe I'll find more inner light to warm myself with until I sort out the rest. A nice idea for now!
But please, I'd love to hear about your personal journey with this issue!
I desire to be in a tropical area, too. Or in a sunny, semi-arid area. I'm kind of torn...
Here's more info: I'm a massage therapist--for 15 years, so when I say my work is portable, that's what I mean. I really can pretty much work wherever I have the resources and the guts to relocate. In my head I sort of follow the money in that resorts are where the $$ is, especially at first.
The background:
18 yrs. old--wanted to go away for college, mother said, "Don't I'm afraid if you leave your father might try to kill me." I came from a domestic violence situation and enough had already gone down that I was affected enough by her fear to stick around. Dream deferred.
32 yrs. old--single, no kids, after much therapy, I realize my life is my own and that my mother, who was on a waiting list for a kidney transplant at that time, had her own life path and I had mine. After a lifetime of pretty solid abuse and neglect, she asked for one of my kidneys. I said no and moved to the Southwest USA. Five months later she died in a car accident. I returned to my hometown here to be with my siblings and to regroup. Lots to process there. Dream deferred. I sort of collapsed back into my old need for security and didn't have the inner resources to give it another go. I went back to college instead, did very well, and went to grad school. Kept doing massage, which I'm quite good at.
41 yrs. old--still single, but in love and hoping to marry, moved to New England to be a wife and mother. Didn't happen, so I moved to the ocean to soak up that kind of beauty and to restore my faith in dreams. After a couple of years, felt I wanted to be with my family--unfinished business, new beloved nephew (the one and only child). I feel like I've walked back into the suffocating, stale, heavy weight of a past that I keep trying to leave behind. Being high raw (and sober now for over 20 years with much therapy behind me), I feel that, if THIS journey (raw food) doesn't rocket me into that fourth dimension, as they say, that, well, nothing will. Raw or bust. All I want, in my heart of hearts, is to leave the heartache of the past behind, to finally reach the bottom of the immense grief I often feel, and to be my true self--the one who got run over, time and again, by loss. I want the layers of the very sad woman to fall away and leave me free, like a butterfly. I don't ever want to consider myself "too old" to accomplish this. Two things represent joy to me--living raw and living where I feel like my soul can breathe.
So there. That's my story. I need sun, light, warmth, letting go, a new beginning.
Everyone needs to figure out what is best for them, so please take my input as just a point of view. Only you know what is best for you. I have spent most of my life moving. I've lived all over the country in all different climates, and I love that part of my life. I've now lived in the same state for about 8 years (albeit about 5 different houses, 3 different cities!), and I am itching to move. Whoever says that you have to leave the country to experience other cultures obviously hasn't traveled in the US much. With each place that I have lived it's like a whole new world has been opened up. Every time I moved I would cull the unneeded physical things from my life which is very freeing spiritually as well. It can be scary and overwhelming to be in a new place where you don't know everyone (or sometimes anyone), but for me it is very freeing and exciting. A chance to start over fresh. If it's possible for you, it may be a good idea to rent a house/apartment for a month or so in a place that you think you would like to live. I don't know if that helps, but I hope that it does. Good luck to you, and I hope that you are able to fulfill your dreams!
Eatin Green~~
I *deeply* appreciate your generous respnse to my post. You said things I truly needed to hear. I appreciate your adventurous spirit and it sounds like your willingness to take chances has served you well :) That's so great!
I realized (after I posted) that yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death. Wow. No WONDER I felt so....:0
I am pondering spending the summer months in New Zealand--their summmer, not mine. If I stay in the US, I feel drawn to AZ. I just want to stand there on some baked earth with my arms out, like a big ole' cactus!